Too depressed to seek help

[unkown21]

Hello all. I have just been really depressed since ive accepted myself for who i really am. I havent hurt myself and dont plan on it. I have however thought about the idea of taking my own life. Like i said i would never do it, but sometimes it just seems like thethe easy way out. Im not here for pity so please understand that isnt the meaning behind this post. Im usually a very happy person that is outgoing and lively but for about 4 months now, ive turned into this recluse that sleeps all day, gets drunk at night (i dont drink before work) and then goes to work. I have a hard time falling asleep at night, and honestly i find myself not really caring if i live or die. Anyway my advice im seeking is i have been wanting to seek professional help, but i cant pull myself together to do make a simple phone call and get scheduled to see a therapist. I dont know if its because im afraid, or what, i honestly dont know. I have this block that makes me feel like i dont deserve to be happy. What are some of the steps that others have taken who have been in my position have done to help themselves? Thanks guys and gals

Ryan

[Rainbowmum]

Hi Ryan,

I am so sorry you are going through a tough time .
Believe it or not , just by reaching out to us here , you have taken the first step to seeking help.

Naturally we are not professional , well some of us are.
Either way though we can all relate to what you are going through

Never underestimate the desperation of depression , you do need professional help if for nothing else than to give you the tools you need to recognize the beginning of it and learn techniques to deal with it.

Not being able to sleep does not help either.
I realize that at the moment you probably feel alone in this , but you are not , we are all here for you.

If you get a chance please read these links.

Link1

Link2

Please continue to fight this ,remember you are not alone.

[Nick9]

Thanks Mum for digging the thread out.

I remember the feeling. Keep coming back here. Find someone to talk to every day. He/She doesn't need to be a therapist. Someone who listens can get you out of it too

PM me, if you want, or get more involved at the board. Try not to stay alone with your thoughts *hug*

[dfiant]

Dear Ryan,

2 weeks ago I lost a family member to suicide and our family came together just this Thursday past for her funeral. She was 54, a devoted and beautiful Mum of a 27 yo son who is a Lifesaving champ, and a 13 year old daughter who is an up and coming lifesaving and swimming champ. She was married for 30 years.

No one saw this coming, and at the service there were 500-600 faces that all had the same stunned 'WHY?' look on their face.

Suicide might solve one person selfish problems, but it creates 500+ more problems.

You owe it to the world to get off your arse and go and seek professional help.

I wish my cousin did

[Nick9]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss, dfiant.

You mentioned the question Why?
Because depression is a disease. It changes you and makes you think differently. It's not selfish. You become a different person and when you are too deep in it, you have no power to get out.
When contemplating my suicide, I didn't think about my kids either. I simply knew that there were people who would take care of them. I gave it just one brief thought and didn't manage more.

Now, when I am "somber" I can hardly believe it. I've never felt like that before or after. And I hope I never will.

[megumidesu]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss, dfiant.

You mentioned the question Why?
Because depression is a disease. It changes you and makes you think differently. It's not selfish. You become a different person and when you are too deep in it, you have no power to get out.

thank you ~
i do understand why people say it's selfish , but there is so much more to it than that ... it's not just about being selfish . i wish more people would realize that ...

[Counselor]

Alright, Ryan, I just got through this phase you're describing, and here is what I recommend:

Spend less money on booze (or at least reduce your drinking)

Spend a LOT of time with friends that make you feel comfortable with who you are and you have fun with

This is a big step for you, and it's important you feel good about taking that step.

[dfiant]

thank you ~
i do understand why people say it's selfish , but there is so much more to it than that ... it's not just about being selfish . i wish more people would realize that ...

Of course it is more than being selfish, I have been there myself when I was a teenager and I know the black dog takes over and the person it outside themselves.

BUT it is still a selfish act, there is no 2 ways to call it anything else, with the black dog you ONLY think about yourself.

[Undreamt]

Strange as it may be, I find a lot of people don't really understand what it means to have your emotions controlled by chemicals and hormones outside of your control. It is very easy to think that oh its just inside your own head and there is nothing you can do about it.

Depression is such a tidy word to some up a very messy condition.
It is not easy to just snap out of, it is a chemical imbalance, and quite often it can be self propogating. (you feel depressed so you loose motivation to do anything about it so you feel more depressed... etc)

Alcohol doesn't help (it is a depressant after all heh)

Try doing things that might have a positive impact on your body chemistry, sports are great because they are an easy way to get the adrenaline going. Finding something to engage your mind in can help distract yourself enough to break the cycle too.

Otherwise if proper therapy is needed and you feel you can't bring yourself to see a psychologist (it can be very daunting I know), if you have a GP or doctor that you trust, book a normal appointment with them, (any excuse will do going for a standard sti blood test/checkup is always an easy one to use if if you don't have anything else wrong.) Once you have your foot in the door with a medical professional mention that your feeling a bit down and ask them if they think you should be referred to a psychologist or if they can check for any chemical imbalances)
It can be an easy way to verify that it is a managable problem.

[Geminize]

Ryan,

First of all, you do deserve to feel happy... and sad, angry, scared, joyful, loved, etc. Happiness is not something permanent that we achieve and keep. It comes and goes along with all the other emotions. Depression is not an emotion, however. It is a serious disorder that is challenging to change.

I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, except I've been there too. I went through weeks with suicidal thoughts every day. I never made plans, never expected to follow through, but the thoughts were there. It sucks.

Exercise has probably been the best, and easiest, way that I have dealt with the challenge. I don't like running, but I have made it part of my routine. Even a good brisk walk makes a difference. Commit to it. Find a friend to join you if you need the extra motivation. Sleep is a hard one for me, too, but it makes a big difference.

Therapy helped me, as well. I encourage you to do it. You don't have to tackle this alone.

Depression is not your fault. It's nothing you have done wrong.

I hope you can accept that there are people here that care, even knowing you from just a few dozen posts on this forum. Take that in. Then take one step to deal with your depression.