Some days are better than others

[ZackT]

This isn't so much of an "I need advice" thread, as it is a "I'm just venting" thread.

So, I came out to myself and a few select real life friends in the summer of 2011. For awhile there, I was steadily growing more and more obsessed with the idea of being with a man and experiencing that lifestyle. In something like, March, I nearly broke up with my girlfriend for the 2nd time. She took a trip out to Arizona for a little over a week to try and figure herself out and we agreed that we were on "Break". During this time, I hung out with my gay friend Matt a lot, and we've had a crush on each other ever since we met. Like, even before I knew I was Bi, I was just instantly attracted to him (although I did not understand how much at the time).

I damn near had sex with Matt, but 2 things prevented it from happening one night. This one night, he had come over and brought the original Alien movie to watch with me (I had never seen it and he's a big fan of the series - As a side note, it was a pretty good movie). I was totally for it that night, I wanted him so bad. My girlfriend was out of town AND we were on Break (damn near broken up), and her sister who lives with us was also out of town. Buuuut, near the end of the movie, her sister came back home (she was supposed to be gone until the next day). Now, she doesn't just hang around me and shit, she just went in her room and chilled out, but it kinda killed the atmosphere. On top of that, I have some weird poopin schedule where I typically only take a dump every 2 to 3 days, and I was NOT feeling confident that I'd be able to go through with this without making a mess (I am totally a bottom. That's what I want, that's what I've wanted ever since I realized this about myself). So, nothing ended up happening at all. No touching, no kissing, nothing at all.

That's the closest I've ever came to being intimate with a man, and me and my girlfriend ended up patching things up and getting better and I was actually able to relax about the man-obsession. Me and Matt don't speak anymore because he's kinda emo and pushed both me and my girlfriend out of his life (I think he got butt-hurt that I chose her over him).

Last month, I proposed to my girlfriend on our 3 year Anniversary and she said yes. I am very happy about this

But, every now and again, I go through days or even weeks where I absolutely am CRAVING a man, and wondering if I'll ever get the chance, or wondering if I'm really more suited to be with a man versus a woman. I know for certain that I'm not just gay and pretending to have a straight relationship, I am legit attracted to both men and women But, I think it's the not-knowing of what it's like being with a man that gets me frazzled. And I don't think that just having a one night stand or something with a guy would solve the problem either, even if it was bad. I want to pleasure myself using toys and I just can't do a good job at it, but despite the constant disappointment there, I still want it so bad.

Last night kicked off another round of man-desires. I had a dream I was in New York with my fiance, but in this particular segment, I was at a party without her. 2 guys interested in me, and for some reason I say yes, even though I know it's cheating, even though I know my fiance is back in the hotel waiting for me, I say yes to having these 2 guys screw me, one after the other. It never gets to that part, just me getting prepared for it, and then I got woken up by my fiance getting ready for work. But damn it. Now I can't get the thoughts of having sex with a man, of just BEING with a man out of my head again.

I wish my mind wouldn't obsess over things.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Last month, I proposed to my girlfriend on our 3 year Anniversary and she said yes. I am very happy about this

Does she know your bi, and does she know you want to sleep with a guy?

If the answer is no to either of those questions then you have some hard thinking to do about your future and not just the euphoria your feeling right now because you recently proposed to her.

The fact that you have feelings for guys can be very self destructive in a straight relationship, despite what she may say to your face when confronted with the situation.

I know this isn't answering your question, but you owe it to both of you to sit down and have a frank discussion about this side of your feelings. Doing it after your married is too late.

Good Luck,

ObW.
X

[Geminize]

Congratulations, Zack, on your engagement! I hope it leads to a long and fulfilling relationship.

I was your age when I married my girlfriend and we remained married and faithful for 20 years. I knew I was bisexual before that, but never did get in a situation with a guy to explore intimacy. Sometimes I wish I had before I got married, but life has been good and I am happy with the choices I have made. Our divorce came as a surprise to me. I could have gone on loving her for years.

There were times during our marriage when I indulged in gay porn, but sex between me and my wife remained active and satisfying. It was more an acknowledgment of my attraction to guys and a lingering curiosity of what it would feel like to be loved intimately by a man. I was able to keep that on a fantasy level that did not distract from my relationship with my wife.

I don't want to ramble, but I wanted to share some of my experience. You are in a tough spot, since you have already made a commitment to your fiancee. Since you are bi, I believe it is possible to keep that commitment without denying your attraction to men -- just not acting on it. I wish you the best.

[Rainbowmum]

First , welcome back and second congratulations.
I wish you both a wonderful life.

As for the obsession , perhaps you should talk it out with her.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Eat more fruit and veg... Fiber does the body good....

[ZackT]

She does know I'm Bi, she was the first person I told if I remember correctly. And she's not exactly currently aware of how I feel at this very moment, but she does know I used to obsess about it.

I like your take on things Geminize, that's basically what I'm trying to do. I indulge in gay porn a bit here and there too, but not very often, and I still am very attracted to my fiance and sex with her is very appealing. I'm just trying to keep these fantasies or thoughts off to the side and not let them affect our relationship. If things someday go sour, I don't want it to be because I sabotaged them over this. I don't want to sabotage it at all, but I especially don't want this to be the reason.

[zeon]

hello,
I would say this is one of many problems a lot of bi sexual people encounter and it can be a long confusing drawn out process and many people can find it hard to understand. My best advice for you matey is see how things go with your girl and if it ends up in disaster again call it a day and then no one will get hurt and if you experiment with a guy it cannot be construded as cheating.....Hope it all goes good for you though... Or if your seeking that male attention see how she would feel about a possible swingers kind of relationship but if you go down this road make sure you take full on rules and regulations because lets face it.... As we all sit here dying for a shag or dying or some form of attention from something which excites us inside... If we are taken and the cannon has made a mess afterwards you think


SHIT WAS I REALLY MENT TO DO THIS?

Congrats on your engagement

[MikeMG]

Just because you have fantasies dose not mean you have to act on them. I am sure straight guys have fantasies all the time about being with two women or some hot cover model but most dont act on it. Even in a relationship this will happen. Usually stuff the wife wont do or you dont want her to see you doing. In either case, maybe that is all you are experiencing. If that is true, then keep it tucked into your head and masturbation sessions. She might have hot thing for someone at work but sure would not tell you.

But don't lie to yourself. If you think its more then a fantasy that you are going to act on, don't use that as an excuse.

[Counselor]

She does know I'm Bi, she was the first person I told if I remember correctly. And she's not exactly currently aware of how I feel at this very moment, but she does know I used to obsess about it.

I like your take on things Geminize, that's basically what I'm trying to do. I indulge in gay porn a bit here and there too, but not very often, and I still am very attracted to my fiance and sex with her is very appealing. I'm just trying to keep these fantasies or thoughts off to the side and not let them affect our relationship. If things someday go sour, I don't want it to be because I sabotaged them over this. I don't want to sabotage it at all, but I especially don't want this to be the reason.

Then you NEED to be keeping her in the loop. Honesty may be brutal, but in the end, it's best for everyone. The phrase "not exactly currently aware" makes me think you are hesitant to be open with her (I'm still talking about the woman you proposed to spend the rest of your lives together). I made the mistake of not pursuing what I wanted and it bit my ex-wife from the blindside, so believe me, put the cards face up, and talk to her.

[ManicReptile21]

You're bi, yet you've only been intimate with a single woman? No wonder. You're simply extra horny and you have yet to explore your more man man side. what were you thinking instantly confining yourself to a straight relationship without trying out your other half or your existance? Perhaps it was fear or a ridiculous infatuation. Maybe she had you in the palm of her hand. You didn't test the waters and now your own demons are rising out from the depths or your subconscious trying to pull you into rebellion. You should have quenched your thirst before dedicating yourself to a woman without question. I believe your urges will intensify as time passes and I believe the consequences will be----how do you say?---DIRE.

*Le gasp