Effects of my past.

[zeon]

Hello Johnny,
Firsty well done on acknowleding a problem... I am not going to sit here and say whats right or wrong because it isnt my place to do so but from your perspectivge you have adapted upon your error which i admit is no fault of your own because as children the first years are the most important and abuse can cause a vicious circle and then people who may be innocent end up the guilty party... By seeking help you are taking the second step to trying to overcome the past demons and I am so sorry to hear that you encountered the abuse which has occured as you didnt deserve it and lets hope the person who gave the abuse to you has found the same courage you have to seek some help within this world to accept and understand the issue at hand..
Childhood abuse is never nice because it sticks in the back of the mind for many many years and is something which can affect the way we lead our lives. l am one of many members here who have experieced some form of abuse in childhood to a different degree so do understand how the cycle can be caused as it takes a lot of courage to break something and change it... A bit like getting a BMW and sticking a smart car battery in it and trying to get it to go eventually in this case your over come your demons and your overcome your past and be able to just be like why did that happen? I can understand if any regret is held or guilt but dont be guilty because like all children being young means being naive and we all do things we grow up to question why we did them but we can dwell on the past for years but the only way to change something is look forward to a brighter future a better future and let the past slowly close itself into a box...

Good luck on the councilling and hope all goes well for you...

Kindeest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[Mike]

Hello everyone,
My name is Johnny, and after all that has going on in my life I think its about time I share my story with someone, because I can't hold it back anymore......

Oh, I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you.
I have quite a lot to tell you about it:

Dear, sweet Johnny, you need to know that what happened to you was bad! Really bad! But it wasn't bad, because it was male-male sexual acts, but because you were too young to understand and to fully know what you were doing with them. They were taking advantage of you, Johnny, and for that, you do need, in my opinion, to seek professional help.

You need to know, Johnny, gay-love is not a bad thing, as long as you are both consenting adults. Gay-love is just that - LOVE, and as such, there's nothing wrong with it.

However, what you went through WAS bad, because of all I have mentioned. You need to take care of yourself, but not in order to stop being "fascinated" with guys, but because of what happened to you, when you were little.

You might have turned out to be gay, even if you hadn't gone through all that you did.
Please know, that you should not feel bad for having thoughts about guys. It is natural and you shouldn't feel ashamed for having these thoughts.

I hope I have helped.
I'm here for you, if you need to talk.
<3

[Counselor]

I used to have a fascination with boys, but somewhere along the line I realized men have more developed bodies, and I LOVE deltoids.

[rabidbunny101]

So extremely sorry you had to go through that. I can relate to your situation, I too was molested from a very young age by people that much older than me, that I trusted(my sister, my step-dad, and my cousin). Break the cycle now, you do not want another young person to feel the way you do. That is a hurt you rarely ever fully get over, but you can get through it.

If you are sexually attracted to boys much younger than you, you desperately need to seek help from a therapist that "specifically" deals with those issues. The subject of pedophilia is taboo even for many regular therapists. There are therapists that deal specifically with sexual addictions and the reasons behind them, I would seek one of them if I were you.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Thanks for your input everyone! I think everyone would be happy to Know that i have already set up an appointment with a counselor. I hope this will help, I feel quite embarrassed to be actually talking to someone about this in real life.

[Blue]

The counselor won't judge or demean you, he/she is there to help you learn healthy ways to cope and, odds are she/he has heard as bad or worse that you went through before.

Trust me, there are those that have survived things most can't even imagine one human being could do to another so, don't be ashamed or embarrassed to speak with your counselor, he/she is there to help you learn to be a better you.

[princealbertofb]

Glad you got the appointment. You'll be able to discuss it at length and see why it's all making you so uneasy. It'll also help get it off your chest and possibly make you feel better about yourself, your desires, your libido etc...

[Mike]

Good for you!
Keep us posted (if you want to).

[JohnnyBlaze]

I'll be sure to let you guys know how the sessions go on the more general side.
thanks everyone.