Do You Believe That Loyalty Is A Thing Of The Past?

[JohnSomebody]

Hey Guys:

I was compelled to bring this topic to the forum because it was recently brought up at a dinner date over the weekend. My close set of friends have all acknowledged that one of the things they love about me is my Loyalty to keep whatever they have mentioned to me in confidence stays between us over the years they have known me. The reason this came up is because I had a conversation with a guy a few weeks ago that was initiated by this guy which was supposed to be in confidence. Nonetheless, he went to reveal this conversation and although I did not share anything of a secret nature...however loyalty is loyalty. Furthermore....in my own personal life..I was in a five year relationship with a extremely high profile corporate figure and no one knew for the majority of those years. After we broke up..a couple of years later...he eventually married a female. Prior to the ceremony...he did tell a few of his close friends that if I showed up that he would automatically called the wedding off. Needless to say...I did not show up and I still believe to this day that I made the right decision. Needless to say...to this day...he still stays in contact with me and one of the reasons he states is because of my loyalty. With that being said..do you guys still believe in loyalty???

[MikeW]

...do you guys still believe in loyalty???

I doubt anyone would admit to not "believing" in it. To me it all has to do with personal integrity. The thing about that is, I'm not perfect. I can screw up for any number of stupid reasons. So, it may be my intention to be loyal and I may be able to actualize that intention most of the time but there inevitably come times where I fail. Personal integrity, what used to be called "character," has to do with the quality of the individual, what metal he's made of. Some people seem to be made of better 'metal' than others. Some people are either unwilling, or incapable of sacrificing anything personal for the sake of others.

Your subject title asks, do we think loyalty is a thing of the past... and that's a different question from what you end up with, do we believe in it... I don't think it is a "thing of the past" but I do think past eras valued personal integrity or character, and placed more emphasis on it socially, than we do now. Now so much is about 'bling', 'glitz', 'surface,' the 'look', 'gloss', 'spin,' and so on. So much emphasis is put on the superficial by media that people have become increasingly 'schizophrenic'... Having a polished social "image" that may not match their actual character at all. This is most evident with people in the public eye where social opinion of them translates in to wealth, position and power. But these public personalities also become role-models for a lot of people and the underlying lesson is, if you want wealth, position and power, *iamage* is more important than truth, personal integrity or character.

[Lexington]

I wrote three answers to this thread...and erased all three.

I'll just say - no, I don't believe in loyalty. And leave it at that.

Lex

[East]

I am loyal...to a fault. Seriously..I am loyal way past the time I should be.

In 29 years with my boyfriend..I have not spoken a single bad word about him..to anyone...and I never will. It is due to my loyalty as a friend. He trusts me...I would not betray his trust....

My quirk...I don't promise to never have sex with other people ...it is a stupid promise and all of the holier than thou people break it all the time after shaking their fingers at everyone else...and thanks to their terrible example of what I might become....I decided to promise HONESTY to my lovers...because I know I can keep that promise...and I do...

Those damn straight people have made a mockery out of marriage and "vows" ..scary stuff that marriage business is.....

As it is...in 29 years..I have yet to have sex behind his back with anyone....and I know I never will. IF I wanted to have sex...or it happened...I would tell him/ask him right away....

I am also loyal about keeping confidences. I have had sex with famous people...on more than one occasion. I will not share any details or say their names except my BF knows...and he won't say anything either. The people around us when we met SUSPECT we did something...they saw us talking and flirting....and they did ask...but I diverted the conversation and dodged the question. They never told me not to say anything...I just won't.

[Pyromancer]

As [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] said, loyalty is more than just a matter of respecting confidences. I looked it up..."...a feeling of strong support for or allegiance to someone or something...". As to whether it's a thing of the past...not entirely, but I don't think that it carries the same weight that it once did. I'm not sure why. I wonder if technology has anything to do with it...is it easier to betray someone if you don't have to step up and look them in the eye?

As Mike also said, none of us are perfect...to me, what's important is trying...flawed, maybe, but a work in progress. My BF and I were best friends for 3 years before becoming a couple, so we know each other pretty well. Among the many things I value is his unswerving loyalty. He always assumes the best of me...sure, if I screw up he may be angry, sad, disappointed in my behavior...but it never affects his allegiance to me as a person. (Lol as he tells me, You may be a complete idiot, but you're MY idiot...)...

As for betraying confidences...it seems to me that people do that because they want to seem important and "in the know"...if I tell you a secret about someone, I'm in effect saying, I know him better than you do, He trusts me more...pretty ironic if you think about it.

I don't think that loyalty is as common as it once was. I don't think we can assume loyalty based on family, friendship or whatever...not the way that people once did. I get cynical sometimes...one of the SEALs who killed Osana Bin Laden wrote a book about it afterwards. National security not withstanding, that seems to me a symptom of what's lacking in a lot of people today.

[TwisttheLeaf]

To me it all has to do with personal integrity.

^^ This

I don't see the things you are describing as "loyalty" so much as personal integrity and discretion. I don't think -either- of those things are a thing of the past. I say this because I think they were just as rare to find in the past as they are now.

They're excellent qualities to have, but in the past, as in now, they are qualities only a rare few people genuinely possess.

[jimcrackcorn]

Loyalty, integrity, and commitment, are good character traits we should all strive to maintain/obtain.

It reminds me of the phrases: a gentleman's word is as good as his bond, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell, or, he behaved like a true gentleman.

I like that word "gentleman".

[matty7]

I would love to say yes but my heart says no speaking from where I live and the people ive met over my lifetime - I find that if something has gone wrong for a person they will reveal another person to take the blame or whatever from themselves, in a way I don't actually blame them as I guess its human nature - self preservation , for me personally , I value my friends and my strong driving force is loyalty ..even if it meant harm to me or worse - and ive stood by that on many occasions in my past.....I value loyalty above everything

[meridannight]

i don't believe in anything. belief is a fickle existence.

i know loyalty exists. definitely not a thing of the past. rather, a person either possesses it or they don't. you can't create it.

[Thundanton]

Me personally, I believe that it takes honesty,loyalty, kindness and empathy to sustain any relationship or friendship. I wouldn't regards one as my true friend if they didn't possess these traits at least even in the slightest bit, but for every one of them. these may vary in different levels depending on the friend. I would gladly choose a friend that is more loyal to me over a friend that is more honest, why because I know that I can trust him; but when choosing a partner, it may be the opposite. but the answer is yes, I do believe in loyalty.