relationship advice! how do i let go of what she did in the past?

[kNs21]

Ive been in my relationship with my girlfriend for a year and four months...i love her to death and weve been through a lot... in the beggining of this relationship she cheated on me for 6 months of our relationship with her ex. From sexting which i seen lictures and texts and all...im scarred from this...especially everytime we try to sext or even having sex...like after were done i start thinking i wasnt good enough or something.. from then til now she has changed into a completly different person and has done nothing from the past til now to make me think shes cheating...its the fact that i cant seem to let go of what she did and i throw it back in her face everytime we argue... she tells me the most amazing things like how im more then amazing and im perfect for her and how she cares about me and all of that..except every time she tells me somethimg loke this i think back to when she cheated on me and think...if i was good enough for you then why did you cheat on me to begin with or i wasnt good enough for you too begin with thats why she cheated... i need advice because i want this relationship to work...i do love her...

[pellaz]

at some point you need to let go and trust her again. Just so you know.

granted if you KNOW she was cheating on you is one thing. A cheater always gets caught. But now a days its soooo easy and what constitutes cheating? Is it going out on a date with a gay friend kiss and return to your seperate beds? Could you just as well as your partner or 70% of the people on this forum do this to their significant other?

[AdrianMarcus]

I think your problem is two fold. I have told a lot of people they have an STD, and most of the time they are more upset about the cheating than the STD (when it is treatable). The problem with cheating is that it breaks your trust like the other poster already said.

Self confident people normally blame the short comings of the cheater when there is an affair, people who have confidence issues often blame themselves. If it makes you feel any better I have seen extremely attractive people get cheated on and the affair was a downgrade (my best friend's ex-husband).

Cheating isn't really about shopping around for a better partner. Many people cheat simply because they are self-centered and they can. Like imagine you have a wonderful piece of chocolate cake waiting for you in the fridge at home, but you pass a bakery and there is a new piece of cake there. You know you can always have the cake at home, and you aren't going to throw it out if you try the new cake and like it. You might just have both.

That is easy to do with food because food sources are just objects. There are some people that think people are objects too. Some of them lie convincingly and are very charming. Maybe you are having trouble getting over what happened to you because it lasted for so long? 6 months is a long time to be lied to. That to me says that she treated you like an object, and getting caught might be the motivation for her change in behaviour, not her feeling sorry.

I have never been in a relationship, but I get asked about these things often so take my advice with a grain of salt.

If you love your gf then you might want to consider sitting down and talking things over with her. Perhaps you need a break from the relationship? You could meet other people during that time and decide if you want to come and continue things with her. Because she cheated on you for 6 months she should be willing to let you take some time and figure out what you want to while she hangs around being supportive and very apologetic?

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Best of luck.