Help would be awesome :)

[AquaKnight]

So i found out today that my boyfriend was having severe suicidal thoughts and I have never had to deal with this before. He recently bombed his entire semester at college and called me crying about what he was thinking of doing. Now he sees no future for himself. I have slowly watched him spiral down this path of self loathing and no matter how much I tell him he is beautiful or intelligent or amazing he just doesn't believe it. What bothers me most is that he is an extremely intelligent person( graduated in the top 10 in his class and got accepted to a very competitive university) and he seems to get in his own way because he feels worthless . I don't know if i'm even looking for advice because it seems almost hopeless to motivate him....I am just worried. It doesn't help either that I have goals and am doing things because instead of making him feel motivated....it makes him feel like he isn't good enough and I will leave him. Has anyone else dealt with this and avoided becoming drained before it drastically affects the relationship?

[Counselor]

He needs to be inspired if his emotional state is affecting his life. He sounds like the type that will be devastated by small shortcomings and let them snowball.

[rover330]

Having dealt with this personally, I've been at the point your bf is at, and have also been on your end of it with my ex who was severely bipolar.

Guess I would say, he may - and I stress may - have some issues going on chemically in his brain that are affecting his moods and the way that he thinks. Many people would disagree with me, but my experience with myself, and with my ex, getting on the right meds may help him hugely. It may not be the first one they put him on, he may have to try several before they find one that works, but speaking for myself, and several people I have known, meds can help.

He needs to talk to a professional. He needs to talk about how he is feeling, and have someone who is trained in mental health guide him toward some more healthy ways of thinking, of dealing with stress, of dealing with life. Again, the first therapist may not click with him, and he may have to talk to more than one person before he finds someone who he relates to.

My current lover has never had anyone in his family, and does not himself, deal with mental issues. I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, which runs on my mother's side of the family... my mother and my aunt were briefly psychiactrically hospitalized. It does run in families. So, my other half has been doing some reading and trying to learn more about it so he can understand what is happening with me. Bless him

I guess I would say, don't give up on him any more than you would someone who has any other illness. I'm not saying he's mentally ill, but it sounds like he may be dealing with a major depression. Everyone gets depressed at times, but when it becomes a permanent condition, and it rears it's head when there is no real reason, he may have some issues that need to be addressed by therapy, meds or a combination. As long as he is seeking help and is willing to take it in order to get better, I would stick with him and just be as encouraging as you can, as difficult as that may be.

[rover330]

btw, intelligence is no indicator of whether or not he is prone to depression to the point where it might be classified as an illness. I could go all day mentioning people, Nietszche, Hemingway, Virginia Woolf off the top of my head, who were brilliant people but wound up deciding to off themselves.

Intelligence has absolutely nothing to do with mental illness. If anything, it may make people more prone to drive themselves nuts overanalyzing things.

Also, one blown semester does not a college career end, again speaking from experience.

If he is that bad off, he may want to consider taking a semester off and going back next fall, and getting his head together for a while with therapy and maybe meds. We all need a time out sometimes and despite what our hyper-competitive society burns into our brains, there's nothing wrong with that. Assuming he's financially able to do this.

[AquaKnight]

Thanks for the advice I did talk to him about possibly seeking professional help. I wasn't trying to make a correlation between his intelligence and susceptibility to mental illness. I was just thinking that he is more than capable of succeeding in school. I think doing some research on my own and trying t understand y he feels the way he feels will help strengthen our relationship....not that this ( for now) has damaged it in anyway. I'm just worried about what I can do to help motivate and support him.

[James]

Sometimes intelligence gets in the way of "learning". Einstein falled math and went on to formulate the "theory of realitivity". Sometimes we need to stop, look at the world as a fun place, go out and enjoy it, without worries or baggage, sometimes difficult to do but not impossible. At least he has someone to talk to, but if he continues the downward trek attention to his feelings is paramont. Go to the trevor project and yellow ribbon project, might want to download the help me card, they have lots of good info, jim

[ThatRobGuy]

This sounds like a tough situation, AquaKnight.

The best advice I can give is to not hold yourself personally responsible/accountable for your boyfriend's mental well-being. He has to be the one to want to get help and while you can encourage him to do it, the decision is ultimately his.

I think you just have to continue doing what you're doing (telling him all of the things you think are great about him) and hope that he improves.

[ezra]

So i found out today that my boyfriend was having severe suicidal thoughts and I have never had to deal with this before. He recently bombed his entire semester at college and called me crying about what he was thinking of doing. Now he sees no future for himself. I have slowly watched him spiral down this path of self loathing and no matter how much I tell him he is beautiful or intelligent or amazing he just doesn't believe it. What bothers me most is that he is an extremely intelligent person( graduated in the top 10 in his class and got accepted to a very competitive university) and he seems to get in his own way because he feels worthless . I don't know if i'm even looking for advice because it seems almost hopeless to motivate him....I am just worried. It doesn't help either that I have goals and am doing things because instead of making him feel motivated....it makes him feel like he isn't good enough and I will leave him. Has anyone else dealt with this and avoided becoming drained before it drastically affects the relationship?

doesnt sound like he cares about your feelings. if he is suicidal you should speak to a counselor to see what kind of help is available for him. nobodys throwing you a pitty party but he doesnt care how its hurting you.

[James]

When we are in deep depression, we pretty much just think of ourselves, if we hurt someone we don't necessarily know we are doing it, Jim

[Blue]

If he is serious, have him call one of these line or go to one of these sites:

SUICIDE HOTLINES:
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-237-TALK (8225)


http://ww.suicidehotlines.com Help if you are suicidal
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ Read this first.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm Suggestions if you know someone who is feeling suicidal.
http://www.mentalhealth.org/suicideprevention A collaborative effort of SAMHSA, CDC, NIH, HRSA, and IHS.
http://www.afsp.org: The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) was founded in 1987 by concerned scientists, business and community leaders, and survivors of suicide in an effort to support the research, education and treatment programs needed to prevent suicide. . In addition, it serves as a national clearinghouse for information of suicide.
http://www.yellowribbon.org Yellow Ribbon :International Suicide Prevention Program
save.org: The mission of SA\VE is to educate about suicide prevention and to speak for suicide survivors.
http://www.nami.org/: National Alliance on Mental Illness - The nation's largest organization for people with mental illness and their families.
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.suicide: An extensive list of resources and awesome information.
http://www.befrienders.org - suicide hotline directory for 40 countries, individual states numbers, info on bullying, self harm, and LGBT support.
http://www.suicideanonymous.net - a twelve step group for those who struggle with suicide ideation.
Suicide.org - Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support!
Live Chats with Trained Volunteers - only available a few hours a day, check their schedules, call a hotline if they are offline right now:
http://www.ImAlive.org
http://www.NewHopeNow.org - Christian support
http://www.CrisisChat.org