Tyrion Wrote:Hmm.. interesting videos.
I use to believe that I was an introvert, but now that I think about it, I feel that I've always been more-so of an outcast than anything-- if not a bit eccentric. I do share some "introvert" qualities however. Socially I am a bit awkward, and in some occasions.. I kind of just hide out in my own protective bubble and hope no one really notices me. I never really know how to start a conversation.. and I also feel incredibly awkward talking in groups -- especially with public speaking, like in front of a class or something. In those cases, I seriously feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest, which is never fun, haha. Even making phone calls, for whatever reason, is something I dislike doing.
So, I suppose in some ways I am introverted -- especially emotionally.. but.. I don't really like putting a label on myself. I do have a good handful of friends, and I do go out and have fun.. I'm just a bit odd, and I'm cool with that. I would however, like to come out of my shell a bit in ways.. such as showing my emotions, because really, the only way I can express most of them is through writing or art, rather than person to person contact. Telling someone how I feel is always a tough thing. Anyway yeah.. I'm a bit weird.. but like I said.. I embrace the weirdness.. and I'm not completely anti-social. I do take a break and go out and get a little crazy from time to time.. of course :p lol.
I know what you are talking about. I feel pretty much the same way, except instead of an outcast, I have always felt like the invisible man. I could be naked and on fire, screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs in the middle of a shopping mall, and nobody would notice me. Its been that way all of my life.
And get this. Since 6th grade I have been 6'-4" tall, and people will walk right into me and say "Oh! I didnt see you there".
I hate parties, never liked them, never had any. My sister on the other hand is the exact opposite of me. She's the party hearty, head banging, mary jane smoking, "have to be everywhere with everybody" kind of person. She even dragged me to a couple of her parties because her boyfriends opted out of going, so I was "drafted".
What did I do at these parties? Same thing I always do.....sit there on the couch and watch the tv.
Hell, I even decided to do something extrovert in high school and joined the French Club. We had a Cmas party one year and everybody brought a gift and put it under the tree, then we each drew numbers to see what present you got. Of course I was LAST, and they didnt even call me to pick a number......I was just totally forgotten, or ignored, I still havent figured out which.
I find it strange that people always want my advice, like what I say, like my sense of humor, like my art, my crafting skills, my baking skills, and even my organizational skills....but they dont like ME.
It is extremely RARE that I ever make friends. Usually the friends I do make are exactly like me, on the same "wavelength" as it were. And they have become part of my life and my personal family. I'd say I make one friend about every 10-15 years.
Unlike pure introverts, I dont mind speaking in large groups or making a fool out of myself in public, if its something Im in the mood for. I do hate crowds though. If I ever go see a movie, its the early first showing on saturday or sunday mornings. Sometimes I tolerate crowds because of the need for having fun....like going to an amusement park in the summer. But I try to go on a slow day, so there arent many people there.
I like to go clubbing, but only on "dead" weekends. Usually the weekend after a holiday is perfect. People are out of money, and are all partied out for a while...so I get to go to the clubs and not be squashed and trampled on.
I dont like being alone, and I dont like doing things alone, but Ive never found anyone who "gets me", in the respect of having a relationship. Id rather be alone than settle for somebody I can barely tolerate, just to satisfy some stupid mentality that Im nobody unless I have somebody.
Hell, Ive been nobody all of my life. Plus, Im picky. I know what I like and what works for me, and Im not going to alter that to make other people happy.
I dont mind being introverted, but it does get lonely sometimes. I dont mind being alone, but I would love to have someone to talk to.