[SIZE="4"]Hello:
I've had short term boyfriends, but Ive never had a relationship. Mainly because of my Victorian mindset towards romance and relationships (I think).
Im just wondering if there are any introverts, "wallflowers", or "quiet types" out there who found someone and are in a good, solid relationship.
If so, how did you find each other? Did you date or was it "love at first sight"?
How long have you been together?
Im just stuck. Im not good at meeting people, never have been. Even though Ive been on some dating sites and met "friend of a friend", and that sort of thing, nobody has really been interested.
How does a person who doesnt play headgames, lie, cheat, and bed hop find a decent mate?[/SIZE]
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Not easily and, usually when it does happen, even if you are pretty sure it's going to work, you are cautious. Usually it's someone you met as a friend and, even if you had a feeling a relationship would work form the get go, you are slow about getting to that.
The good thing is, that if they understand that and can take it slow, become friends, and be patient with you, it might just work out eventually, especially if they are the quiet, straight forward, no head games type too and, really why would you try to be with someone who wasn't.
I don't do dating sites, every partner I have had, I have met either in person because of a mutual interest or at work or, online as a friend first.
I don't go looking for romance, if it happens, great but if not, at least I have made a friend that doesn't mind my thoughtful, quiet nature or my mile long letter writing - I do much better communicating in writing than verbally so, even with a partner, if It's really important, I will write rather than speak.
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its all about biting the bullet and doing something about it.
It may not be easy and you might feel a little uncomfortable at the time but there can be a real sence of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm an introvert, my boyfriend is quite the extrovert, we met at uni 6 years ago.
He was in one of my classes and we didn't know each other at all but one day i saw him and some of his friends from class at a cafe having coffee and i said to myself f** it, i don't want to sit here by myself ill see what they are talking about and try to join in. things just went from there
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Being an introvert myself getting into relationships was never an issue. Getting into a healthy relationship.... well that is a horse of a different color.
I just ended a 'quiet' 14 year relationship. I was blind, or refused to see a lot of problems. But it was pretty good, great if you consider earlier relationships that ended with sirens, police, hospital stays... A couple of men broke my heart, and a few bones as well.
Word of advise, any man who goes after an introvert you should test and retest and make him wait a little. Get to know him and get to know his friends. Introverts tend to draw abusers who want to isolate and abuse their partner. Introverts are easier to isolate, thus control.
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Good points Bowyn. I'd also add, also being an introvert myself, that if you do get into a relationship with one of us, remember to ask them GENTLY to tell you what they need or want from you - odds are we won't if you don't prod a bit.
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:. Introverts tend to draw abusers who want to isolate and abuse their partner. Introverts are easier to isolate, thus control.
i really disagree with that. Alot of people on here seem to have misconceptions as to what introverts are and that can cause some misinformation.
There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It does not give you a disadvantage to anything. People who are oben to abuse and get suckered into bad situations can be either. There aremany many other personality traits that lead people into these situations.
To give a very simple definition,
introverts seek fulfillment and personal growth through internal development - having an inward focus on themselves can makes external bonds to other people have a different meaning to someone who is less introverted.
extraverts on the other hand have a need for external validation - they can find deleloping relationships easier because they have a need for the relationship to grow themselves
I know many extroverts who have been abused in relationships because they have trusted their partner too much, gone out of their way to build up other people and have been completly burnt out because of the emotional abuse hurled at them
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Hey dude,
Well my boyfriend is definitely an introvert. He even admits he's not very good at meeting people either cause he is very shy. But he is a very sweet guy, always texts the most romantic things. I think I fell for him cause of stuff like this. Even when we first started going out he was quite non-talkative, but now we are able to have some awesome uninhibited conversations about everything, and I was even surprised to notice that he is very funny in fact.
The vast majority of people who are serious about a relationship would be patient. You just have to find the right guy. We are each others first boyfriend and it's awesome to have someone who just doesnt open up to anyone. It's cool to be special and mean something like that to a person who isn't normally like that.
Hang in there and just put yourself out there, the right guy will come along when you least expect it. I met my boyfriend on the subway and our eyes just met and I could tell he was checking me out, and I took the signs and went in and talked to him. Just take that first effort. Relationships are often difficult to find online cause dudes usually just wanna hookup but I mean it does happen from time to time.
Good luck! Try and work on things about yourself in the meantime. the right guy will come along soon enough.
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I've never had a long term guy because I always get hurt and since my last bf I've been single mainly because Iam too shy to say what I feel its like Iam stuck in a hampster wheel for ever doomed to be alone.
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Oh humbleguy! I wish I could give you a big hug! I used to feel the same way. Guys just used me a lot for sex even though they knew I liked them as more than that. I mean I haven't been with too much guys, around 5 or so but you gotta keep trying if this is something you want. As long as your a caring a genuine guy, you WILL find someone. Just try not to be super pushy, don't expect something to come out of it, just feel it out when you go on a date. I'm not sure if your giving off the vibe of wanting something serious all the time, but it does make some guys feel a little uncomfortable. You shouldn't expect love to form, it is a spontaneous thing that grows. You just havent found the right mate yet. Some take longer than others.
Perhaps you could find a better way of expressing your interest, do it very subtley and then if he reciprocates keep escalating at a reasonable rate. I'm pretty sure this should work, it did for me!
Unfortunately, a lot of men are out there for just sex,I think its one of the downfalls of being a single gay man. Keep your head up dude!
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Great question to ask! I learned some new stuff from people that have posted myself. I feel as though I am an introvert. I am pretty shy around people I don't know and starting conversations can be a challenge. However, Once I get to know someone or people, I usually open up much more. I recently was reunited and hung out with a friend until he moved last week, who was an extrovert. I have to admit it made me more outgoing and a little more confident about talking to people. So. if you are really worried about being an introvert, I would suggest finding some friends that you can be comfortable around. I would also suggest striking up a quick conversation with the grocery clerk or cashier at a store. It non-threatening and it's good practice for introducing yourself to someone you might be interested in. Good Luck my friend!
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