trying to decide if I should end it

[rover330]

Well, I hope that he did not mean that. Megumidesu and MisterTinkles. I hope not.

Since the world starts to turn again tomorrow and things will be open, and I am better (thanks for your concern MisterTinkles) I need to go up and replace my cell phone. Will probably wait until the coming blizzard is over. Will call him and see how that goes. Haven't actually spoken with him since last Friday. Texting is a poor substitute for conversation. Yes, kids, it's true. Really.

If he still comes over Friday and I'm going to tell him how I feel. It may be possible there is more to the story than I'm aware of as far as last weekend. Christmas, well, it's not really anything but another day to me, or so I keep saying. He knows that so maybe he didn't think it would hurt me for him not to at least spend some time here before he went to his family gathering tonight. He's supposed to be bringing me some gifts and some for my cat as well.

To think of breaking up, well... to think of it I get very weepy. I guess I'll decide what is going to happen after we talk. Or he and I both will. We communicate very well. We both have the same birthday which we didn't find out until our 2nd week together. Maybe that's why we both have a lot in common.

He has this effect on me... as soon as I see him, I pretty much melt, I've literally gotten dizzy. Which is very unusual for me.

If nothing else, I learned that I'm still capable of loving like that. I didn't think I was. I've also learned that there are still people who would be interested in being with me; my last relationship was very abusive (that I didn't love my mother because I didn't have the same clingy relationship with her that K had with his) and very abusive to my sense of self worth. I think my ex was full of shit; obviously, someone out there may still be interested in being with me.

Please feel free to continue to offer any observations or insights. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.

btw MisterTinkles I lived in Austin for 5 yrs, most of which was a very happy time. I loved Austin :-)
I moved here directly from Austin, which is why maybe Paducah was such a culture shock.

[rover330]

why did the word decide come out in red? that's bizarre, wasn't my purpose, lol

[Evan88]

Hi Rover330!

I would be really honest with you.. I think you deserve more than that.. I mean, I see you as a person who is willing to give up everything for a person you truly love, and as I am seeing it, B is not yet on that level. I also experienced that thing and I decided to broke up because Im sick and tired of crying every night. Its really good to give love to someone else but its better to give love to your self first..

Like what Ive said, you deserve someone better. I am not saying he is bad. But I am saying that you deserve someone who is willing to give everything like you are. It would be really happy if the other person loves you so much, misses you so much, wanna be with you always, someone who treats you as his life, as his own.

But like what others have said, talk first about the situation. But if it leads nowhere, then you know what to do..


Wishing you the best Rover!

[Pix]

I was living in Austin at the time. I needed my family to take care of me until I got better. wound up being in a relationship which ended. so, I was ready to start saving again to leave.

I hate it here. It is the buckle of the Bible belt... when you meet someone here, after you tell them your name, the next question is, "which church do you go to?" 90% of the gay people I've met here are terrifying closeted afraid they will lose their jobs, their families will ostracize them, or both. There is no gay bar in a city of 28,000 people. No community center. No support. It is very conservative here; the 'N' word is not really frowned upon. Obama is HATED.

Is this Austin you're describing?

I vaguely recall hearing Dallas (which has openly gay areas) was the "buckle of the Bible Belt," but it has way more than 30,000 people (come to think of it, so does Austin). You've described rural East Texas very well, however, and I'm thinking you must mean somewhere other than Austin.

I'm asking because I have almost no personal experience in Austin but I hear the city is surprisingly liberal (despite conservatives ruling the state from there). If you WERE talking about Austin then I want to keep it in mind the next time I think to tell someone that Austin is surprisingly liberal.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Gee since your lease is going to end, why not live with his mom and have her adopt you as her next kid?

She gets two sons. You get another mother.

I fail to see the problem in that.

I broke up with my ex not too long ago, but after 14 years his mother has adopted me as another one of her kids.

The Christmas dinner conversation actually came around to discussing the possibility of all three of us moving in together. Yes my ex, her and me. My ex still lives here as a roommate (the lines are not too clear for him - long sad story is in there).

She needs to be watched 24/7. She is in her late 80's and is falling down too much.

When the father in law reached his final month I basically moved in with them and took care of him while she was still working. I got relieved occasionally by my then partner.

I became attached to his parents, and they to me. I went hunting and fishing with his dad long ago - he (my ex) never had an interest in that sort of thing. His dad became a surrogate father to me, and his mother became a surrogate mom.

I know, you are 47 and living with mom sounds strange, but I can only assume mom is at least 60, might have health concerns, and if she is single I can get why she wants a male around the house.

I know of several households were the older folk live with the younger folk. Straight and gay. Typically is it the mom who lives with the kids.

Especially in today's economy and for 40-somethings who have older parents who are nearer the end of life than the beginning.

The ideal 'nuclear family' is a post WWII invention to devise ways to drive a consumer based economy. The Waltons depicted a more realistic 'American Family' of the pre-WWII eras where grandparents lived with parents who had children.

Unless his mother absolutely hates you as a person, there may be compromise and a way to work this out.

[Deedee]

Rover i dont know if this is the right thing to say in you're situation but so far. this is how i view any relationship

"STAY if you are HAPPY, LEAVE if NOT"

I wish you the best.

[Nick9]

Rover i dont know if this is the right thing to say in you're situation but so far. this is how i view any relationship

"STAY if you are HAPPY, LEAVE if NOT"

I wish you the best.

Deedee, I would change it a bit.

We need to work on the relationship if we want to bridge all those not so easy times and all those struggles that unavoidably come during long relationship.

But sometimes it is good to remember that advice of yours. To not pay attention to all what ifs and what other people will say. Future is so fragile, it may even never come. If something makes you happy, stick with it. If something causes you pain, tell others, work on it, and if it's not possible to make it better, leave.

[Deedee]

Deedee, I would change it a bit.

We need to work on the relationship if we want to bridge all those not so easy times and all those struggles that unavoidably come during long relationship.

But sometimes it is good to remember that advice of yours. To not pay attention to all what ifs and what other people will say. Future is so fragile, it may even never come. If something makes you happy, stick with it. If something causes you pain, tell others, work on it, and if it's not possible to make it better, leave.

i like your version xD "If something makes you happy, stick with it. If something causes you pain, tell others, work on it, and if it's not possible to make it better, leave" better though its in their choice if they wanna work it out or not. so i just summarize it . Stay if you are happy leave if not xD

[philipfillup]

What does your heart tells you?I guess you have to look at the bigger picture, take in all aspects of the situation, and don't let love blind you.

Yet, I feel like you already came in second in his relationship. His mother comes first. Is there something he thinks is missing in your relationship? and what does he expect out of this relationship?

If you're unhappy and the other person is unwilling to work with you, then sometimes it's best to leave the love behind, and stay friends. Don't try to change him if he's unwilling, because resentments will grow.

[rover330]

Pix, I was talking about Paducah and western Kentucky, in general, not Austin. Austin is a liberal oasis in Texas. I lived there for 5 years and I loved it...

BowynAerrow, different things work for different people. In this case, his mother is perfectly healthy, works full time as a cashier, owns her own house, and has his older brother less than 5 minutes away and his older sister also 5 minutes away.

I've had a lot of Latino friends and in Mexican families, several generations living under the same roof is not unusual at all. However, this is not Mexico, and with all due respect, eventually even John Boy and Mary Ellen got married and established their own homes outside of Walton's Mountain.

I don't believe that he is obligated, as the 3rd child, to live with his mom in her house until she dies. She has no interest in being anywhere but her own home and in fact is adamantly opposed to anything else.

If the time ever comes when she is unable to physically take care of herself, then, I would be open to the idea of having a mother-in-law's suite. But she's nowhere near that point.

Here is what I'm saying... my relationship with my man is him and me. Not him, me, and his mom. This is more of a case of her not wanting to let her baby go. Except her "baby" is 40 years old.

He moved back home after living in Louisville because he got laid off and he had nowhere else to go. Now he is working again full time. It's time to move out of his mom's house and get his own apartment like an adult.

If she needs the yard mowed, the leaves raked, the snow shovelled, she has more than enough money (she has a great deal of savings beyond her paycheck) to hire someone to do that. His role in life is not to replace the husband she chose to divorce.

I think she's something like 62 and she's quite spry. It's not too late for her to date, find a man... she's had a couple of boyfriends since her divorce. Why should my man have to be a replacement for her ex-husband?