Gay man living in the wrong place?

[zabi]

Hello,

I wanted to ask for some advice as I am currently living in Miami and not liking it! I have not lived in Miami for more than 5 years and being back feels weird. I have realized I cannot be in this city but I can't find the real reason why I dislike this city so much. I feel Miami is a very materialistic and superficial city and I do not like that. I know, I should not look at things in a negative way and try to find a group of people that may have a similar way of thinking to feel better about the situation. But I do not necessarily feel that will change anything, I don't like the way the majority of the people think: narrow minded, egocentric, and not the kind of people I want to be surrounded by.

Even when it comes to being gay, coming from San Francisco which is a very liberal city to Miami where gays seems to be more conservative and not able to express themselves because of society. Just walking on the streets you can tell this city does not embrace homosexuality as San Francisco does and that bothers me A LOT. I don't know if I wanna be in a place where I don't feel 100% welcomed.

I have tried to look at the positive side this city has to offer but still cannot seem to convince myself that I will eventually like this city. My questions is: Is it me or is it the city? Do I really need to go somewhere else to be content with myself and my surroundings? I would appreciate your advice as this is something I have been thinking for a long time!

I recently wrote a post about this hoping to connect with other people and perhaps not be the only one that feels this way. Here is the link to my blog post: zabiknowsitalldotcom

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Perhaps a loaded question, but why did you move from SF, if it already has everything you want in the way of acceptance etc?

to the forum

ObW
x

[zabi]

OlderButWiser, you are right.. I lived in San Francisco for 4 years, I was in college and stayed one more year after graduating. I came out to my family a little after that and I felt the pressure from them to be closer to them. I decided to leave San Francisco and go home but at the same time I had planned to go to Spain for a year which my parents accepted to... I guess I wanted to see what was out there more than San Francisco and Miami. I wanted to go to Europe to see another continent and learn about the culture and how everything that has to do with gays was handled over there... was it more accepted? was it part of the culture? I had many questions and I wanted to explore and compare it to what I already knew.

[rover330]

guess that would be my question as well...

when I lived in Texas, Dallas had that reputation. I have driven through Dallas, never stopped, but... I had been told not to be surprised if I went to a bar there, that people getting to know you would go behind you, look at the label on the inside collar of your shirt to see whether you wearing an upscale brand. In Austin, I was told that you would be judged by your car. Don't have a car? Ha ha ha ha Loser!

I find that very harsh, and superficial. Don't we get a hard enough time from the world at large being gay in the first place, that we have to give each other a hard time based on out clothing labels and our car.

Oprah Winfrey said once, something like "Anyone will ride in a limousine with you. If you find someone who will take the bus with you and be more excited about the destination than the transportion to it, that one is a keeper".

I've been poor before, I've been homeless before. Now I am not. But we all go through hard times, especially these days, and to me, that sort of mentality is so... oh I don't know. Shallow? Mean spirited? downright cruel?

Guess bottom line is that not everyone is like that. There are a lot of superficial queens out there. My advice would be to stay away from people like that, and find the good people (they are out there) who will be real friends, not just friends based on the kind of car you drive or the label on your clothing.

one day their karma may make them have hard times themselves. "pride comes before a fall".

maybe someday they will realize how rude and classless they are. But I'm not holding my breath.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Well I would say that in the majority of European countries, being gay (and being an out gay male) is absolutely fine. Ive never had a problem, and Ive lived (or vacationed) in Spain, Portugal, Germany, France, Netherlands and Belgium. Ive not been to any of the "new" European countries - i.e. the "old" Soviet Bloc countries who are coming back in from the cold. I suspect those may be a little further behind the curve compared to the rest of Europe.

Ive never been to Miami but I'm surprised at your comments as I had always thought Miami was similar to SF in their acceptance, or is it the people that are different?

If you moved back home because of family pressure (when you came out) then my gut feeling is that that was probably a mistake. There are a few other gay friendly cities in Florida that may have been a better place to set up home. At least it would be in state, but not so close to home that the family are watching your every move over your shoulder LoL

ObW
x

[pellaz]

Parts of Denver are very republican but the city has an excellent gay ghetto.

[Undreamt]

everyone has their own perspectives on things, yuo just need to find what is comfortable for you.

If you really don't like it then don't stay there, but also remember part of it could be culture shock, 5 years is a long time, your experiencing a different perspective of the city now.

How long have you been back?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I lived in the City by the Bay for 6 years. God those gays were so full of themselves. Hated nearly every moment of my 'time' I served there. It felt like a prison.

My Point, what you feel about a place there is another who feels the exact opposite.

Frankly my real issues with cities are that they are cities. I never really found a city I like. So my advice would be move out to some rural area, the further out and more secluded the better.

Bears, deer, trees - wonderful neighbors. People - not so much.

[pellaz]

... So my advice would be move out to some rural area, the further out and more secluded the better ...

my last two addresses were in the mountains. its a big distraction to commute into work, big effort to do anything, price of gas is not going down.

high percentage of the slow growth forests here are dying off, some sort of infection
fire danger is year around extremely high
home owners insurance is very expensive
no internet (fast)

[MisterTinkles]

I lived in Miami for a few months before, it was pretty nice. The police are more corrupt than the US government, but other than that, it was pretty nice.

Yes, its a very materialistic town. I found that I liked Fort Lauderdale a lot better. It was more quiet and subdued. I like that.

As for San Francisco, I have to disagree. Its ok to visit, but I'd go "postal" if I lived there. Its a disgusting city. They are not liberal, they just dont give a shit about ANYTHING!!! Literally! I walked up and down Market Street a few times visiting there, and people were ACTUALLY taking a shit on the sidewalk!!!! Later on down the street, some guy was pissing off the curb into the street!!! And NOBODY did anything about it! Not even the police that passed them by!!! I would NEVER live in San Francisco, its filthy and disgusting.

If you dont like Miami, then pick some other city to move to. If you dont like that one, then move to another one. Keep on moving around until you find one you like. But if you feel so strongly about SF, then I would suggest thats where you need to be.