Really??

[pellaz]

take a long leisurely look at your naked self in the mirror, find someone that looks like you.

[barebear]

I was born in Pennsylvania in the early 70's.

Well, may I ask are you American born? I have been living in the States for 9 years, and to be honest, I still don't assimilate into the culture very well. I'm afraid I would become as shallow as American people. I understand your frustration. I have seen so many superficial people in my life. They were even proud of using people to their advantage. I have been used a few times, too. My mom always teaches me to think about other people's benefits before my own. I'm not a traditional person, but that is one teaching I will never let go. I'm not able to retaliate people who used me. I keep being good to them.

Despite superficial people, I also meet a few good-hearted American people. I know that you will, too. Don't give up your hope.

[barebear]

Thanks, I'm glad to hear there are exceptions. I appreciate the support.

I think some people cant live without criticizing someone. but hey Cheer up (: im 16 and young but i dont judge people by appearance. its just looks. looks can be destroyed but whats inside remains.. Cheer up barebear

[barebear]

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and support guidance. I'm feeling better after a good sleep and working through your guidance.

[SolemnBoy]

A good personality is an extreme boost in handsomeness. Likewise, a bad personality can reduce a physically attractive person to "eh".

If you ever feel bad about being rejected or your appearance; just do what I usually do. Keep in mind that different people are attracted to different things. Some people will find you unattractive, others will find you very attractive! Just keep going with that and one day I'm sure you'll find a really great guy who appreciates you both personality-wise and as far as looks goes!

[Lilmy87]

take a long leisurely look at your naked self in the mirror, find someone that looks like you.

I would say yes to that! The above! In general people seek relationships with those of a similar age bracket. There are exceptions to that, but as a general rule. It's not because they are shallow or judgemental. It is simply that, well, young people don't tend to be physically drawn to people decades older, and often experiences, frames of reference and perspective may be really quite different, making compatability less likely.

If younger/'pretty' people are making you feel totally unwelcome in gay venues (or any venues) that is wrong, you have as much right to be their as anyone else. I say ignore them, have fun, show them youth don't have the monopoly on having a good time! Some people are just shallow, you get that in all walks of life.

However, many people- straight, gay, male, female, in their 40s, 50s, whatever, sometimes lust after much younger men and women or the real hot stuff... but doesn't mean it's going to happen. I suppose in clubs, people are looking for you know what,often (gay and mainstream clubs) so a cursory glance at looks alone is pretty much the criteria. But as for true love, I suppose people want some one with similar values, frames of refernece, perspective etc. Maybe this is why more often than not people match up, like with like. Age wise, whether they are looks conscious/'high maintainence', how into fitness they are, etc. Maybe such a fleeting dismissal is a measuring up of all these things, not just deciding someone is too ugly. Maybe a bit of both? Isuppose most people want a little initial physical attraction.

Perhaps there are gay environments other than bars you can go to? Cafes/groups such as support, reading, minority interest etc? You might have a better chance of meeting people who care to know you as a person.

Youth and beauty can be so fleeting any way! Finding love is hard for anyone, don't worry about age or looks, love will come when it comes, and you never know who it might be.

Hope that helps, and didn't sound snarky.
x

[barebear]

It doesn't sound snarky at all. The thoughts are very helpful to me and I thank you for taking the time to share them.