Is it even still possible?

[elad12]

I grew up pretty much knowing I was gay. Through High School I had a few relationships. The last one when I was a senior was with Joseph. It's the one I always remember. Being in love never felt so natural. But I wanted out of my home so badly that on my last day of High School I cut at lunch and moved north. I never saw Joseph again. In fact I never knowingly met another gay person for many years. There are a lot of small towns around here.

I just got into living a straight life which I was able to do quite easily because (1) I didn't know anyone gay and (2) I was always able to separate my gay life from my straight. I think because I was so young I just was able to go "straight" I guess. Even though there was that attraction to guys I just would deny it. At 25 I married my wife. We were best friends. We loved each other dearly but when it came to sex and intimacy we would have problems. Long story short, we came to terms with that and stayed together because of what we meant to each other, sex aside. In 2005 she was diagnosed with cancer. I spent the next 3.5 years caring for her, going with her to all her treatments, loving her to the end.

Now it is 4+ years later. I have come out over the last few weeks. First I came out to about 6 of my gay friends. They didn't even know I was gay. I have since come out to my and my wife's families (except my mother) and to a number of friends. The response has been great from siblings, nieces and nephews and friends. Of course I have only told those I expected or at least hoped I'd get a positive response from.

So I have only been with other man once since Joseph. It was a couple years before I met my wife and it was not exactly consensual on my part. Anyway, now that I am out I keep thinking of my relationship with Joseph. That was over 40 years ago. Can I still find that at my age? I am not interested in hooking up at all. I want to meet someone and fall in love and have him fall in love with me. I want to date a few times before we even think about sex. I guess I want what I had when I was 18 but even though I feel 18 when I think back to then, I'm not and I just wonder what all I've missed in my life and if it's still even possible to have it again?

Thanks for your insights!

[Nick9]

Hi and welcome to the forum!

What a nice post And to your question... sure you can. Have no doubts about that

[SolemnBoy]

At the risk of sounding cheesy, I'm convinced that love can be found at any age. I can't really give you any advice on how to find it but there's no reason for it to be impossible! I wish you good luck though.

[Geminize]

Welcome, Elad. I believe you can find what you are looking for. I was married for 19 years to a wonderful woman, but we grew apart. After our split I realized I was ready to experience loving a man in a way I never had allowed. Months later I found a guy in my small town who was looking for the same thing. We dated several times before sex became part of our relationship. He is a great friend, and I think we offer each other the chance for a lot of healing and growth.

You sound clear about what you want, and that's great. Don't focus on what you've missed in your life. It sounds to me as if you have had a rich life in important ways. You can't be 18 again, but that's not really what you are looking for. Now it's time for something new. That's exciting, and I wish you the best!

[Rainbowmum]

Hi Elad

I would have to say yes it is possible , never give up on love.

[MisterTinkles]

First I have to say it was very good of you to stick by your best friend/wife like that. Most people would have just divorced and ran for it. You have maturity of what it is to be a real man. Stick by your guns no matter what, love who you love, stand by them no matter what.


I am a realist, even though I am not "negative", some people take it that way. That being said, I will say that yes, it is possible to find the kind of relationship you want......BUT......

In reality of the modern age of liars, cheats, and people who depend on technology rather than their own brains.....it will be a miracle if you find it.

Im "old fashioned". I call it my "Victorian Ethics", lol.

I believe that you become friends first, getting to know each other...seeing if you are good fit for each others personalities. If you are both good fits, and both parties are interested, then its taken to the next level, dating. If that works out, and both parties still feel the same about each other, then it goes to the next level, engagement. And then marriage.

This is called courtship, which nobody does anymore. And the people who still believe in such things (like me), live alone and are thought of as freaks and weirdos by everybody.

I believe you need to get to know somebody before you can love them. Otherwise its all fake, and your just setting each other up for a big fall. Whats the metaphor? Building a castle on sand?

Very few guys find real love. Even less find it the proper way. Unless you are willing to slut yourself out and jump into each guys pants you meet, I doubt much will happen in the way of dating. But thats the way "its done" today.

Im not saying it cant happen, but Ive been dealing with enough people wanting advice from me all of my life, to know it CAN happen, its just very unlikely that it will. And for us "old" guys, well...from my observations, conversations, and some books Ive read on this subject, if youre an older guy, you will either need to be rich, famous, have a prestigious job, drive an expensive vehicle, or pretty much be into some really sick and twisted sex fetishes.

From my experiences in talking to people and giving them advice (even though I dont want too most of the time), you just cant be a decent, hard working, ordinary person. Nobody wants that for some reason....they want somebody prestigious or into something sick and twisted.

Personally, I find Id rather just be alone than have to deal with that crap anymore. Its just not worth it to me.

But thats my take on it.

[Deedee]

It is possible as long as youre open to chances and taking risk,

A life resisting temptation is a wasted life - paulo coelho, my fav author

[EvenOlderButWiser]

You're never too old....

Just make sure you have some fun along the way ;-)

ObW
x

[elad12]

I appreciate all your responses. Thanks! Even before I came out I'd become friendly with some in the small gay community here, so that's something. I'll just be myself and see what develops. Plus I will try to have some fun along the way.