To add to that, you should probably burn off your hair so you'll never have to pay another $5 for a haircut. Same with your balls if you like it like that - seriously, fireballs are the new trend!
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If you drop a quarter into the garbage disposal...make sure to reach down and get it out before you turn it off
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High powered vacuum cleaners make awesome BJ sex toys.
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Cutting the grass with an electric lawn mower is always best done in the rain.
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To save time go ahead and blow dry your hair in the bathtub using the closest outlet....electricity is our friend
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Try exploding doors instead of using doorknobs. That way, you can avoid germs!
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Car tips! Pour a bottle of your fave cologne in the gas tank for scented exhaust.
Summer watering restrictions? No worries, with an electric sander and 80 grit paper those birds dropping come right off the car.
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OH, and don't worry about touching hot plates or hot cars, it's summer so everything's supposed to be hot! It's the time for summer lovin' so touch whatever you can however you want!
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Don't even try. Just buy a snorkel.
MY roommate smokes and won't let me play with his toes.
I bid NO Trump!
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