When I was around 4 we got new neighbors. One of them was about 14 or 15. He sexually abused me in our backyard for the next 3 or 4 years until his family moved away when I was 8. I quit talking when I was 5 and was sent to speech therapy for a couple years. They never found out what was really wrong and then when I was in second grade (after my neighbors moved) I slowly started to talk again. I never mentioned this to anyone until 30 years after the abuse ended. I used to wonder if he was the reason that I was gay but I really don't believe that at all. He was wasn't gay. He was a creepy pedophile.
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appreciate you opening up and talking about it.
current theories; gay is genetic.
These events may have shaped lots of things in your life but not your attraction to men. Please try to be the kind and caring you are and not complete the circle of abuse.
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i've had a lot of people tell me that i'm only gay because of sexual abuse in my childhood ~
i know that's not true .
well done for being able to tell us about what happened ~~
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I'm sure healing from that kind of abuse can be a life-long process. Thanks for sharing.
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eLad thank you for sharing what must still be, even after all this time, very painful memories.
Ive heard the argument a few times before that abuse can influence peoples sexuality. While I have no personal experience of abuse, my view has always been that abuse can influence sexual behaviour, but its highly unlikely to define your sexuality.
I know there are a number of abuse survivors who are members of the forum. Ive read some of their stories previously and been moved to tears by a few. Every abuse survivor, who has the strength to talk about their experience, is helping others in their healing process.
Thanks again for sharing.
ObW
x
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Hi eLad , thank you for sharing something so personal.
You are very brave, there are a few of us survivors on here.
You broke the circle of abuse and it has nothing to do with you being gay.
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Humans are very clever in ferreting out what they perceive in others to be weaknesses... I think the reason why so many gay people have been abused in their childhood is because that so-called weakness has been detected and those abusers have thought they could either correct it by harsh treatment, or take advantage of it. Often abusers have themselves been abused and therefore I suppose they are only reproducing behaviour that they've been subjected to. As all of this is often very secret and the abuse secretive, it's only by talking about it and by calling abuse by its name that the cycle can start to be broken.
What makes things more difficult is that there is an entanglement in abuse of love, care and protection with the abuse itself and the failure to see that a child should be allowed to develop at their own emotional and sensual pace. The abused will find it difficult to distinguish between what they perceive as love and caring and what is really torture and harsh treatment. Certainly not an easy circle to break when perceptions of right and wrong are thus blurred.
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I had the same childhood, but I still see the neighbour every now and then, he is scared of me now that i have grown taller and stronger than him, he has lost alot of weight and got weak after marriage and has a new born kid now, I have not told this to anyone, although I am a little shy, I find it useless now to tell it to anyone, but I blame my family for all that has happened to me, because they didn't raise me to be outspoken, rather be a person that just bears everything that comes upon him, I have changed although after so many hardships. And I think the same, that he might be the reason I am gay today, because sometimes I hate myself for being gay, cuz I let my gf go even though she was the world to me, and I didn't want her to waste herself on a dude who was secretly gay. I really regret loosing her, but other way around, wouldn't have been great for her.
oops, sorry for making this huge, and to be frank you can't really do anything about what life throws at you, you just have to be confident and strike back(if it requires)
PS: Most of the people I know who are gay, were sexually harassed in their childhood, thus I never grasped the genetically gay thing, I go with experiences, you experience it = you like it = you are it.
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I think part of it is nature and part of it is nurture (unfortunately the nurture part sometimes comes in one hard package of harships).
Mitch, thanks for your post.
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