So my boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year, and to me it seems like we have one of the greatest relationships I could ever ask for. We have a high level of communication and trust and love and it's really great. I know (or at least am very certain) that he would not just leave me randomly for someone else, and I think his confidence has grown a lot since we've started dating, which I love.
I've had sex with 10 other guys, mostly always as a top, but my longest relationship was just one and it was only for about 8 months. My boyfriend has only ever messed around with one other guy, and two other girls, one of which was a 9 month relationship, but that's about it for him. He identifies as bi and I do as gay.
The problem I think is that we don't really have sex. We've been working our way closer to it but it's still not working very well. He can never relax to let me in and if I suggest him topping me, he gets really nervous and soft. It's really frustrating. The other night we were both really drunk and he offhandedly mentioned that he's tried to "go gay" for me but he still looks at girls with longing (which I have no problem with). The only thing that bugs me is that he said he only stayed with his girlfriend because the sex is so good. We don't even really have sex besides jerking each other off... I'm sure he has to miss straight sex and how natural it is. No sticky messy lube, no shit, no stretching, only one person making a cum mess, etc. I just can't find a way to make it attractive for him 
I figure he'd just be happier having sex with a girl, but I know he loves me and he'll stay with me. But I'd be jealous if he ever got a girl "fuck buddy" or anything on the side... because I want to be satisfying to him too.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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i'm trying to think of advice to give , but for now i'd just like to point out
hiben Wrote:only one person making a cum mess, etc
girls definitely do that , too . it's not just guys who do that ...
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hiben Wrote:So my boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year, and to me it seems like we have one of the greatest relationships I could ever ask for. We have a high level of communication and trust and love and it's really great. I know (or at least am very certain) that he would not just leave me randomly for someone else, and I think his confidence has grown a lot since we've started dating, which I love.
I've had sex with 10 other guys, mostly always as a top, but my longest relationship was just one and it was only for about 8 months. My boyfriend has only ever messed around with one other guy, and two other girls, one of which was a 9 month relationship, but that's about it for him. He identifies as bi and I do as gay.
The problem I think is that we don't really have sex. We've been working our way closer to it but it's still not working very well. He can never relax to let me in and if I suggest him topping me, he gets really nervous and soft. It's really frustrating. The other night we were both really drunk and he offhandedly mentioned that he's tried to "go gay" for me but he still looks at girls with longing (which I have no problem with). The only thing that bugs me is that he said he only stayed with his girlfriend because the sex is so good. We don't even really have sex besides jerking each other off... I'm sure he has to miss straight sex and how natural it is. No sticky messy lube, no shit, no stretching, only one person making a cum mess, etc. I just can't find a way to make it attractive for him
I figure he'd just be happier having sex with a girl, but I know he loves me and he'll stay with me. But I'd be jealous if he ever got a girl "fuck buddy" or anything on the side... because I want to be satisfying to him too.
What kind of gay sex are you having that is unnatural?!
*pen/paper ready*
Please be very specific.
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I think it is time to sit down, pour a cup of coffee and have a talk! Sorry, I cannot think of anything else on that one.
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Is it possible that your boyfriend isn't really gay? I guess I don't know what else to add. Sorry. I feel really bad for you. This is exactly why I never dated women, because I didn't want to put them through what you might be going through now? I don't know you so I can't really say anything that isn't purely speculative. Have you tried talking to him about this? Like really talking to him?
If he is telling you he looks at women longingly, you probably shouldn't be okay with that if he isn't willing to have sex with you. Even if he is bisexual, and this is just my personal opinion, but I wouldn't want my guy looking longingly at anyone else (guy, girl, anyone).
Maybe I'm too possessive?
Of course I have never actually been in a relationship, so what do I know?
I wish you luck! Hope things improve for you soon.
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This is difficult, especially since you two seem to have connected on an emotional level. Have you two discussed what really turns you on? What is it about men that makes him like them? What is it about you that he likes? You need to find some specifics and go from there. You say you guys have good communication but I'm not sure it applies to your sex life. Maybe you are trying to hard? Find out what it is that turns him on, maybe something you wear don't wear, say, do, etc.
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Sex doesn't have to involve anal intercourse.
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The only 2 things I can is...
1. As was mentioned....Sex is not just Anal....i Hate Anal Myself. Did it once, never again. So I guess that's the only time I've had Sex? lol. No.
2. Are you certain He's gay?
I have nothing else I can add.
Oh and Talk talk talk.....it can do wonders.
Mick
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I have a great female best friend. I think she is really caring and would be a great girl friend. And girls are telling me i would also be an excellent boyfriend. I'm thinking about it now.. i could be happy with her. But sex? I'm gay and thats it. Maybe thats what your boyfriend feels now. He doesn't want to lose you, he really cares about you.
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Well, i think this is more a "mental" thing with him than anything YOU are or aren't doing sexually.
Even given our "enlightened" society, many men (bi and closet gay) struggle with how they manfest their sexual identity. In plain english, i'm betting that the reason he's not gotten to penetrative sex with you is that mentally he feels once he goes there - he can't go back. Even moreso, he might be afraid he really LIKES it and that might confirm for him that he's NOT bi and that he's actually GAY!
So, i'm betting this is more him coming to terms with his own identity and not really about the sex. The sex is the DEMONSTRATION of his identity. So, 2 buddies jacking off dosn't make him gay, he can still hold on to the "bi" label and wax nostolgic about his sex with women.
So what do you do? Well, until he's really READY you can't force him to do something his brain won't allow him to do (ie: he gets soft when the opportuinty to perform anally - either as a top or bottom). Now, all that said, there are a few things you can try. You talked about mutual masturbation, have you 2 performed oral? Have you done any rimming? I ask this because for many "bi" men dealing with their sexual selves, there is still the remnants of the mindset that the "butt" is an out-door only. So, the next time you're touching each other, slowly work a finger down "there" and guage his reaction. If you can ease a finger in and stimulate his prostate or work into some rimming, you'll slowly break down the fear barrier he has about anal stimulation. You also might want to do some sex games where you blindfold him and tell him to trust you and that way, his eyes aren't sending a message to his brain about what you're doing.
Just some ideas....but at the end of the day, i'm betting that he's not gone to anal sex because it's a line that once crossed, might confirm that he's actually gay.
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