Guidance - Keeping it in the family?

[parogue]

Thanks everyone for the insight...

Personally I have never been in a situation, even with friends, where friends and exs become come more.

I personally don't see anything wrong with it as they left on good terms. They were just in different places in their lives and things did not work out. Granted they did have some dissagreements but nothing too terrible. They are overly social with one another but civil nonetheless.

I was just curious as to the "general publics" opinion of the situation and what if any advice you all had. I appreciate all that has been said to this point

Thanks Everyone.

[Blue]

Think about this, he is your uncle's ex for a reason, probably several of them. Do you really want this guy, knowing your uncle had good reasons to break it off with him?

As far as taboo, if your uncle is okay with you dating him, then that alone is not a problem but, why is he your uncle's ex? Kind of like going after your friend's ex - um they are exes for a reason, know the reasons and decide if you want or even can deal with whatever those are.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Contrary to others, I would consider it a no-go situation. Likewise I wouldn't date the ex of a friend or other people who i consider close to thus have to have some sort of 'brand loyalty' too.

The way I see it, you are not only dating that person, you are also dating everyone else that person has dated. Each person we spend time with we pick up and carry parts of their personality. In a way you are sort of dating your uncle there.

Then there is the issue that your uncle has known this man intimately... Frankly I can't see sharing a person this intimately with others that I know. It feels creepy knowing that that particular blemish located where most people never see has been seen by my uncle or friend or whoever. This sort of knowledge seems a bit too private.

Then there is the whole 'I know their foibles' aspect. It can be sort of embarrassing if you think that you are talking to your uncle and he knows that your new BF actually enjoys X in bed and is most likely doing that with you.

Besides which, most people are uncomfortable that their ex is now dating their nephew, their brother, their best friend.

In this case, a few months is not enough time. Uncle may think that maybe you two have been plotting this for some time, maybe even acted on it. Hey, I'm paranoid, if say my brother wanted to date my ex with us breaking up only a few months ago, I would wonder how long this has been going on.

[megumidesu]

depends on the situation ~

but personally i think that some people are just not okay to date . friends' exes , family members' exes and exes' exes being the main three ~~

obviously the circumstances can mean that it's okay to break those "rules" occasionally . my housemate (who is my best friend) dated my ex for a while , and they were very very good together . until she turned weird ~

[parogue]

Think about this, he is your uncle's ex for a reason, probably several of them. Do you really want this guy, knowing your uncle had good reasons to break it off with him?

Both agree that the relationship broke off amicably and with no hard feelings. Both also agree that dating such drastic age differences was also a mistake.

I do agree that it might be strange knowing intimate details of an individual that has also been with a family member.

Thanks guys lots to think about... Any other possible problems you can think of?

[Nick9]

Just a small one... If you keep considering eight years "drastic age difference" then you may lose many opportunities to meet and date great men.

[Counselor]

I agree with Bowyn Aerrow, but for different reasons. I would find it awkward (speaking for myself only) at family functions to be with someone that has already been with another family member. Not to mention I have a sense of propriety that involves an idea of "lines in the sand" that I don't cross, namely if a person I am related to or friends with dates someone, they are blacklisted.

For example, my nephew's gay father (COMPLICATED) was living with my father, sister, and I for about a month, and I ABSOLUTELY was not going to step over that boundary, despite my sister mentioning on more than one occasion that he was checking me out.

If you and all parties involved can tolerate the elephant in the room, be my guest, this is entirely my own opinion based on how I feel about relationships.

[parogue]

Just a small one... If you keep considering eight years "drastic age difference" then you may lose many opportunities to meet and date great men.

My uncle is 8 years older then I am he would be 10-11 years older then this guy...

Not that it changes much. But they are in very different stages of life. Point noted.