Tips? Coming out to BF

[unkown21]

Hello guys n gals alike. Every day that goes on the stronger my urge to come out completely gets. I have come out to about 7 people, all of which are my girlfriends (i have yet to actually come out to any men). My best friend is a guy and him and i are inseparable, we have been best friends for about 6-7 years now. He is literally like a brother to me, he is like family. He is cool with gay people, he just doesnt like to hang out with the flamboyant type, which i am not. Anyway, we have such a good friendship, and i don't want we have to change because he knows im gay. I dont want him to think of me differently or think that i want to have sex with him ( or insert homophobic response here). I just dont know how to approach this amd would like some advice please

Thanks im advance,
Ryan

[Counselor]

If he's a true friend, he'll be so happy for you, you'll be sorry you asked anyone (especially a largely anonymous group of strangers) first.

If not, you needed a better friend anyway. I've made better friendships with people I never expected to be so close to AFTER coming out.

Edit: I thought "BF" stood for boyfriend in the title, so I thought, "Shouldn't he already know?"

[elad12]

I first came out to my gay friends, then some girl friends, then my family and am now finally coming out to some male friends. The male friends I've come out to are surprised but supportive. There are some I don't plan to come out to but if they find out, that's fine.
A close friend like yours I think you should come out to. I bet he'll be fine with it. If not....... I know it's hard. I too am in the process. Good luck!

[pellaz]

there is a difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I hope your aspirations for your friend are accurate and the relationship dosnt change. What good is he if he isnt the affirming supportive person he demonstrated in the past.

Does he suspect your gay right now? Sooner or later he will find out, someone will tell him maybe. I assume you have no romantic interest in the boy; would he, could he feel like your hiding your emotions about him?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Arrange to meet him at a neutral location (coffee shop where your unlikely to meet anyone else you know)

If he asks why, just tell him you have something important that you want to tell him, and that it has to be face to face.

Once you meet, you need to build up to telling him.

i.e. Explain how he's been your best friend forever, how you want him to hear this from you and not from some gossip that may be floating around etc, and that you don't want what your about to tell him to change your friendship in any way. Then take a deep breath and just tell him

There are a few things I would recommend thinking about before you tell him, so you can be prepared so to speak:

1. If he is in the same social group as you, you need to talk about whether your ok with him talking to people about this, or if you want him to maintain complete confidentiality.
2. Is he friends with any of your siblings/family? If so and your not out to any of them, you need to tell him he absolutely cant tell anyone. (in fact I would make a family member definitely next on your list of people to tell!)
3. You need to be absolutely clear to him that you have no romantic interest in him whatsoever. Lie if you have to, anything less and it may all end in tears. He will ask outright (or think) that you fancy him, so setting this straight from the off will make everything more comfortable from the get go.
4. One of his first questions will be "are you sure"? Saying "yeah I think so" wont cut it. You need to have a clear answer, including how long you've known. He may even ask what type of guy you're attracted to (Ive had that almost from day 1 of the straight friends Ive told you wouldn't believe LoL)

The last thing I will say is, if you've told 8 girls already then he probably already knows - Ive never knows 8 women in my life who don't just love a gossip LoL..... Especially if they know he's your best friend.

dont forget to tell us on here how it goes

Good Luck



ObW
x

[unkown21]

Does he suspect your gay right now? Sooner or later he will find out, someone will tell him maybe. I assume you have no romantic interest in the boy; would he, could he feel like your hiding your emotions about him?

Okay, so you are going to think this is very weird, but we have always actually insinuated that we are gay. IE, At any given time we will joke around about how we like dicks so much. lol. I have this tiny tiny feeling that he might be gay, just because he has only very rarely dated women, and he is still a virgin. As a matter of fact a girl that he was kind of seeing was wanting sex from him soooo bad, but he told me that he was too afraid to do it. Now these may be legitimate concerns (he is afraid of getting her pregnant, or catching an STD), but I have always asked myself why he is so afraid. Is it because he is different like me? Like I said i seriously doubt it because he talks about women a lot. But like I said, we make insinuations all the time that we are gay. Funny thing is, I am actually gay. So I know its weird and all and may sound odd to you all, but thats who we are. And no, he is like a brother to me. I dont have any feelings or emotions for him at all.

[megumidesu]

my best friend knows everything about me . even stuff that makes him uncomfortable / awkward (my sexuality isn't an issue at all , but there are other things like that) . the fact that he's my best friend and i'm his completely outweighs any problems that he might have with certain issues ~

basically, as people have said , if he's a true friend it won't matter in the long term ~

[LateBloomer]

It will be difficult, but I think you should come out to him.

The awkwardness may last for just a minute or maybe even a few weeks. But if your friend is struggling with his own sexual identity you may actually serve as inspiration/role model for him.

Do it.
Be strong.
It's good karma.