Observations since coming out

[elad12]

I started coming out a month or so ago at the age of 60. I am now out to most of my family and friends as well as my late wife's family. I practiced gay sex through High School and then moved away and spent the next 40 years living a straight life. I married at 25 and lived with my wife for the next 30 years until she passed away in 2008. Although we were best friends I was never really attracted physically to her. It's hard for me to say that because she always felt I wasn't attracted to her and I would insist that I was even though I really wasn't. I didn't know what else to say. Other then the physical non attraction our life together was great. Like I said we were best friends.

Now since coming out I am having feelings I forgot I was capable of having. I am feeling very excited about meeting and falling in love. When I think about it I get this tingly exciting feeling throughout my body. It is a feeling that I used to feel when I was 18 and going to pick up my secret boyfriend Joseph to spend the night together. I had forgotten that feeling. I also realize that that was the feeling my wife had hoped I would have for her. I realize that I have a very romantic side but it's meant to be shared with another man.
Hopefully I'll find him. Anyway I am very happy that I am gay. I was thinking today that if I were going to be reincarnated and had the choice to come back gay or straight I think I'd choose to be gay so I could live my whole life that way.

[LateBloomer]

As a self declared late bloomer, one of my personal philosophies is: Every day is a new day. Every day is another chance to start again.

My condolences for your wife, but, my best wishes and congratulations for you.

[Counselor]

I totally relate, elad. During my five years of marriage, I rarely had morning wood the way I did in my teens, but since coming out, I can't sleep on my stomach anymore!

[cardiganwearer]

It's reading stories like yours and others on here that make me appreciate the huge range of experience of what it means to be gay. When I was younger I could never have conceived that the life of a gay man might involve getting married and raising children, it wasn't what I or any of my friends would have done.

It only goes to show how much context shapes our lives, almost to the point where actually being gay can be incidental to one's life but still there as a fundamental personality trait.

Fortunately we now live long enough and retain our health (and in your case it sounds like the hormones are as good as they were when you were eighteen!) to have a second go.

Give those hormones an outing, hope you find the man, possibly several while you're looking.

[Evan88]

Great post Dale.

And I like the last paragraph wherein you said If you would have another life you would still choose to be gay. This gay life is really complicated I must say, but with this life, we have exciting and unpredictable lives, something out of the box, and not ordinary. Not the life everyone is having.

Goodluck to your soulmate searching!

[elad12]

I've been beating myself up all day today so decided to revisit this thread I started last month. I am beating myself up for spending 40 years not being myself. I have these feelings now that I had forgotten I was capable of having. I feel like I am thinking like I'm 19 , the age I was when I last had a boyfriend, but I'm 61 and I can't have those last 40 years back.

To make matters worse I live in a small community where all my gay friends are in relationships. I want (need) so much to find someone and am not sure what to do. I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. Oh well, thanks for listening

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Elad,

No, can't reclaim the past 40 years, but you have a wealth of experiences which have made you the person you are. And from what little I have seen, I think that is a pretty good person.

I fall into the same trap sometimes, wishing to go back and have a redo in various areas of my life. Its experience I have now that I didn't have back then. I made choices for my life THEN based on my experiences I had THEN - they were good for the person I was. Its a matter of 'if I knew then what I know now....'

That is a mindset most older individuals get into over some aspect of life.

I'm 14 years (roughly) younger than you... I rarely feel 46-47. The calendar betrays our hearts... Its just a number that rarely matches how we feel.

Yeah well most guys around our age is going to be settled and in the long term relationship. The older they are the more prone to being in a long haul relationship and stick with what they have because they feel they are too old to start over.

It comes with the territory I guess.

Have a

[elad12]

Thanks Bowyn! I know things will work out. I've been thinking for the last 4 years that I would just be alone for the rest of my life, and I was fine with that, in fact it sounded great to me but since coming out that has all changed. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life.

BTW I just noticed if you flip 19 over it becomes 61

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thanks Bowyn! I know things will work out. I've been thinking for the last 4 years that I would just be alone for the rest of my life, and I was fine with that, in fact it sounded great to me but since coming out that has all changed. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life.

BTW I just noticed if you flip 19 over it becomes 61

:biggrin: My pm box is always open if you want someone to rant at, talk too whatever.

yes 19-61 when flipped

[Counselor]

I thought I needed someone when I came out, too, but for me, I took that as a sign I wasn't ready. I didn't pay attention and started a relationship *cough*disaster*cough* and realized that I needed to be happy with who I am first.