Too complicated to come out?

[pellaz]

He not only confronted her but he went as far as telling her family and then calling my parents. He also went all over town telling ppl she is having an affair.

you have been dealing with your sexuality all your live, dont expect your family to be knowledgeable; get some printed material and or along the youtube lines. Sounds like your already out to a lot of people.
usually the first thing is to come out to your self, bi/gay. Usually a good friend and or brother sister is next. Mothers are the accepting ones. Do it in a family sit down discussion and or while you are driving with family passengers. The local LGBT center where you life is a resource. Talk to your friends one by one. my preference that gym partners, room mates know too. Her children may be too young to understand. New normal and all but no one ever told them two mothers is anything different. Express your love to them. Older children will understand more and will be more problematic. NEVER SPEAK BAD ON THEIR FATHER. Somewhere along the way have a family meet, your family, partner and children.

She's been waiting on me to make up my mind about coming out to file for divorce.

bad, the two events are separate.

Money is an issue for her since he obviously is the primary money maker. That is her reason for staying thus far.

She needs to find an employ sooner or later, better sooner. Can you suport her and children? Employment is a top priority for everyone inc you. She might look for a job near where you live.

... I guess my question is really how should the sequence of events take place leading up to the actual coming out process. And should we do it together or separate. etc

-dont quit your life dreams just yet, give it some time
-i understand the husband has outed you a lot?
-get her employed
-she should talk to the children at the level they can understand about the divorce
-Talk to the children who you are in their live. I cant tell you how to do this, needs to be done.
-you are 2nd fiddle to her children, can you live with that
-you are dating the children too, take them out too
-talk to a lawyer(s) shop around or research do it yourself, whatever, its a small hobby
-file for divorce, if she is the one filing dont expect the father to lift a finger
-have her move in where you live or better near you
-the divorce will take longer than expected
-get a written partner agreement with her while you 2 still like each other. Who does what bills chores. After the divorce and she leaves you for another man... who pays for what (4example that extra large apartment on a 6mo lease or a huge credit card bill). Do it now while you still like each other. Its a legal document so leave the emotional stuff out. Go all the way; both of you sign date, 2 whiteness and a notary. its a up datable continuous document so add who owns the new washing machine.
-your living together? put both of your names on a few utility or rental agreements.
-not the 90's anymore so few people care if your gay or not, the average person off the street wants you to be happy and the children are taken care of. Comming out is not a religion, your not spreading the faith. If you are the 3-5% that are bi/gay you will be that way all your life.

you wanted a list.

[AdrianMarcus]

I just came out to my family a few days ago, and my entire life feels like it's over. I had an idea of how bad I thought they would react and it was way worse than that. I think I will have to move. Some of my regular patients have already called to cancel, and people are emailing me bible verses and asking to come over and "talk". I'm taking a vacation after all of this mess. I need to get my thoughts together. I don't think I regret finally coming out, but I'm not happy with my family and I might never talk to them again.

Whatever you do, let me say this, if you are coming out make sure you can support yourself. Don't do anything before you are stable and safe. That should be your number 1 prioroity. As long as you are honest with yourself then you're already "out" in the only way that matters. Good luck.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I just came out to my family a few days ago, and my entire life feels like it's over. I had an idea of how bad I thought they would react and it was way worse than that. I think I will have to move. Some of my regular patients have already called to cancel, and people are emailing me bible verses and asking to come over and "talk". I'm taking a vacation after all of this mess. I need to get my thoughts together. I don't think I regret finally coming out, but I'm not happy with my family and I might never talk to them again.

Whatever you do, let me say this, if you are coming out make sure you can support yourself. Don't do anything before you are stable and safe. That should be your number 1 prioroity. As long as you are honest with yourself then you're already "out" in the only way that matters. Good luck.

Adrian, everyones experience is different and Im sorry that your going through a rough patch at the moment. Your sexuality doesn't define you as a person, your still the person you were before you came out, and I'm sure your just as competent an MD as you ever were.

What business your sexuality is to your patients Im not sure. I assume you didn't call them all up and come out to them personally - so someone at the practice is gossiping, in which case you're probably better off out of there anyway and perhaps looking for a more "progressive" practice than you're in now.

Family attitudes is a little more difficult to overcome, but give them time to adjust and see how it goes. Cutting all ties is a fairly drastic step to take after only a few days....

Good Luck (and well done on coming out!)



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