Too soon to say those three words?

[danwd172]

I met this guy on okcupid one and a half months ago. He's white and I'm Asian. We lived in the different cities, but I was going to move to the city where he lived at that time. We talked on msn for the first months and met up in person a week ago, a week before I actually moved to the city. We were attracted to each other when we met each other for first time and jumped into intimate thing very quick. I moved to the city last Sunday. At that night, he came to visit my place. We had a long talk and ended up having sex again. He stayed for the night and left the next morning. We even had a quickie before he had to left my place. We met at his place the following night and last night at my place. We always had sex every time we met. Last night he stayed at my place again. We cuddled in the bed, trying to sleep. When he almost fell asleep, I whispered "I love you" to him. He's sleepy and didn't say anything back so I asked him if it's too heavy for him, he just shaked his head. This morning, we had a quickie again(yeah, we were like two horny dogs. LOL.). After we finished, we lay in bed for a while. I asked him how does he feel about the words I said to him last night, he just said he had no memory of what I'd said to him. I told him what I said. He didn't give me any feedback for like 30 seconds or so. We just lay side by side without saying anyword. Later, he said it's okay I said that to him and he has the same feeling for me too. But the funny thing is that he never said the words back to me.

I actually kinda regret saying those three words to him. It's too quick to do that cuz we've only dated 4 times. I'm worried that I gave him too much pressure. He sent me some text mesages when he's back to his place this morning. Those messages are all about tiny silly things. I think it'd be a good sign that he still wanted to talked to me, but I really don't know. I'm lost now. Any advise?

[Counselor]

One: you're asking people that aren't in your relationship questions that you should be asking the guy you're with.

Two: I would apologize and tell him exactly what you've said here. "I didn't mean to add pressure."

Three: he might be the kind that doesn't use that phrase lightly. I know I don't, especially during the "honeymoon" phase, when the sex-starved ego finally gets fulfilled and the hormones are flooding everything.

[Blue]

First, you need to understand that western cultures say "I love you" far more than Asian cultures do, so if he is form a relatively traditional Asian home, that isn't something that is often, if ever expressed verbally to him. So his reaction may be understandable and mean nothing more than he doesn't say that because he wasn't raise to say it.

Second, yes for me that would be too soon, but then having sex at just a month in would be too soon. At lest you are honest with your feelings, and that is a good thing. just have a talk with him and see what the deal is, might just be a cultural difference.

[Nick9]

Hi,

well. If it was me, I wouldn't believe you. For me, the word love, not to mention the whole I love you, is extremely strong. In my language, I hardly ever use it (and I think many people here do the same). Usually we say I like you, I feel good with you etc.
I've noticed that many people (usually English speaking people) don't have that problem and "I love you" became something like "Hi", "Bye", "I don't know what to say, right now."

Honestly, I have an incredible problem with that. It feels like ... inflation.

Also, asking Do you love me? Is blackmailing for me. Because it asks for one answer only. Which means you can't asnwer honestly - you don't have a choice here. Either you love your partner - great, or you are not sure - and you have to lie and say yes.

I am not saying that your partner feels that way, ok? I just want to show you that some people feel differently and would never say I love you so soon (or hardly ever) and would feel bad having a conversation like that. Even if they loved you.

My advice is, keep it light and don't ask him again. When he is ready, he will tell you.

[rmf]

That is way too last...