Missed Opportunity

[Beau]

I'm so pissed at myself right now I could cry! This whole coming out is harder than it should be.

Here's what happened today. There's a guy at work that I've had a secret crush on since I started there 7 months ago. He works in a different department so we barely talk. Today I was assigned to do a parts run at one of the companies unmanned satellite warehouses. We have to go in pairs and low and behold the supervisor says for this guy to go with me. I'm extremely happy about this!

So on the way there we chit chat about stupid stuff like weather and hobbies. He tells me he had a falling out with his parents and moved out of country to live with his grandma and later back to the USA to live with his aunt because he missed the US. His aunt lives around here but his parents still live several states away. I ask if he was a troublemaker but he says no. His parents were also good but he won't tell me the reason for the falling out. At this point my mind is racing. Maybe because he is gay?

I shrug it off and later when it is just us at.the warehouse he tells me how more relaxed and not judgemental it is in the other country. Curious again I decide to lush the subject and ask in what ways is it different? He says "well like people don't really care about being gay and stuff."

Holy shit I think he's gay! So I get panicky and go "Hmm" and shake my head in agreement. Well that moment of silence doesn't last long and my heart is pounding hard! I have to say something! I say " I've always wanted to go to Australia". Fuck was I thinking? A better comeback should have been something like I should move there then.

It gets even worse when I'm talking about Australia and he says the women have cool accents. By now I'm in full hetero mode and am like " Yeah they do!"

I'm so disappointed that I didn't commit to telling the truth. I've been living the lie so long its hard to come clean even when the opportunity is right in front of you.

Of course there is a chance he's not gay. I know he's caught me on more than a few occasions admiring him from across the room. Maybe he was just trying to tell me he wasn't interested. Still, telling him I was gay would have cleared that up quickly.

I need to find some ways to talk to him about being gay without freaking him out. I also don't want to do it when there are others around. But god knows when I'll have another chance with him like I had today. Anyone have any suggestions?

[Blue]

Maybe tell him you liked talking with him and ask if he wants to go for coffee on a break or after work, then you can let him know you're gay. I'm pretty sure will be okay at lest making friends with you, take it from there.

[Counselor]

Or just flat ask him if he wants to go to a gay bar.

[azulai]

Don't be so harsh with yourself, it takes time to get comfortable taking steps out the closet.

It took me two weeks to call my bf after meeting him. I needed that time to realize that it was what I wanted. Maybe you need that, too. When we met again we had a very honest conversation.

When you see the guy again maybe you could build on your last conversation and explain that it resonated with you. See if you can catch him at a lunch break.

[Mitch]

If I were you, I would have kissed him and ran away xD

I mean seriously, I think of doing that several times but its so fucking hard -___-


but I suggest, you just ask him if he wants to hangout with you sometime, that helps alot(ask me and I will tell you more xD), and just so you know, saying I am gay doesn't help, other ppl kind of have a fire back emotion "oh but I don't swing that way" cuz some people don't even know they are gay yet, but they love you with all their heart, it takes time until their heart throbs to touch your skin.

My bf didn't know he was gay, until he got a an erection by touching me. lol

[gilhooly]

Age matters, you didn't mention the guys age. I am 66 and you are 35, that is a big difference. At 35, I still had my basic fighting skills as a good ex marine, I would not have hesitated with flirting with guys because if you reacted badly I could close you down. I was direct and open about telling a guy I liked him. I never raped or molested a guy but I knew most guys are basically horny and like a guy who says horny things.

Today I am disabled due to the loss of 16 bones in my left foot. I look pretty good and walk erect. BUT if you invite me to your room, I may fall suddenly. Would you enjoy calling an ambulance if I get hurt. It has happened. I make sure guys know the status of my health since they may have to deal with it.

If the guy you like is 18, he has a lot more to think about. At 35 I was OPEN FOR BUSINESS and made no bones about it.

Be direct and tell him how you feel. Even if says no, he will probably feel flattered by your interest. I can't tell if you know something awful or scary about this guy. Go for it. He sounds alright.

[jimbopdxus]

Why not just be friends and go to lunch? You will know when the right time arrives.

[monk]

If you don't tell him, how is he going to know?

Good luck!

[Beau]

FWIW, he's in his mid 20's and I'm in my mid 30's. Not a huge difference but still a difference. I keep thinking to myself that this guy should be a model. He's wasting his life working at this company and why the heck aren't all the girls trying to jump his bones? lol

Yeah I know it's a crush/infatuation, but I want to see where it leads. Maybe something exciting will come out of it. (double entendre intended) I talked to him a bit today. It was just a few sentences about his security card not working. The same problem happened to me last week so it's most likely a flaw with our batch of security cards. We were both hired the same week. I told him the manager gave me a temp card until another permanent one could be ordered and he walked off to find the manager. He works in another department so we don't cross paths a lot. Plus when we do, it's usually a community area so I don't want to gay talk. I'm just not that open about my sexuality yet and I don't want to embarrass him if I'm reading the signals wrong.

One more thing I'd like to add is that He's... well how do I put this... Californian. Californians are more "I"m minding own business" than people here in Washington. Around here we make eye contact with people and say "Hello". Even if we don't know the person that well. He's rather private and doesn't make much eye contact with people around him. While he's walking around his head is forward, but his eyes are focused at the floor. I've seen this a lot when I was in California. People are just not as social and he's a recent transplant. He's great to talk to though. I swear his face lights up when we talk.

So where do I go from here? Well this may sound totally nerdy or that I'm over thinking the situation, but I've been logging things to say to him into my smartphone. They are basically brainstorming ways to tell him I'm gay without making it sound like I want him badly. Some of the early ideas sounded stalkerish

Some early cuts I've dropped are: "I've been staring at your back for the past 6 months" or "It sounds like you have a big dick when I hear you pee in the men's room."

Now I'm just down things like: "You probably didn't know I'm gay" or "I'd like to move to California. I hear they have a great gay community. I'm sure I'd fit right in."

[Beau]

Would it be dumb to pass the guy a note? Something like I'm gay for you and if your cool with it we should hang out? Like I said, there's a lot of people around and its tough to get any one to one time.

Of course as I type this out a note sounds really childish. I'm ready to come out to him. I just don't know the next time we will be alone so I have the chance.