Perhaps, perhaps not?

[ChrisH]

The second semester of college has been in session for about two weeks now, and it's one of those things crosses my mind for the first month - a good look around each class I'm in, there's on average about three guys, give or take, around my age group. What are the chances of one of them being gay?

But then I start observing a little more closely - body language, mostly. Granted, most of the time I conclude that it's nothing when a guy has his legs pointed in my direction - it could be for comfort, or for better writing of notes when the whiteboard is adjacent to them. If it's a class that involves a lot of group activity, or if there's open interaction (like art classes), then it's how they interact around me.

I consider myself a bit of a walking contradiction, mostly due to the redneck stereotype - cowboy boots, jeans, t-shirt, camo hat (if that isn't redneck, I don't know what is. ) For some reason though, that sends guys I date running (I do have a southern accent too). It also seems to tell people to not sit next to me in class unless there's no other seats.

So, to keep this post on the rails here, there's a guy in my World Religions class that sits two seats away from me. Keeping in mind everything I've mentioned here ^ - the sitting sideways to view the whiteboard better, the pointing of his feet/legs towards me - I've almost about dismissed it as just a comfortable viewing position - until a couple days ago (when I last had the class) - that when I got up at the end of class to put my books away and start leaving, he was sort of smiling, but not really looking at me, though looking down towards the floor (there's been a lot going on, I can sort of remember how this moment went). Clearly, he could be thinking something funny (because nothing humorous was said by anyone in the class at that moment), though he's been on my mind. Like it could be anything.

I seem to run into these kinds of guys every semester - either they're being really nice to me, or there's these things I notice in their body language. Perhaps it really IS nothing or I've really missed some golden opportunities.

My biggest issue here, I think, is my poor social functionality - I'm a bit dull at parties, and it takes some degree of conversational stimulation for me to break the ice.

Curious as to what y'all think.

[Buffylo]

No knowing unless you ask. Ask one of them if theyd like to get coffee or something after class. Towards the end of class, incase it makes it awkward. People trying to read people usually ends badly. Ask.

[Counselor]

Body language is a tricky thing; most people don't know how to use it. The only time I've successfully read body language is when a guy is uncomfortable, in a new group, and with one or two familiar people. It can also be very easily misinterpreted, as other factors are present, such as stress, comfort, indigestion, confusion, and THEN the spectrum of human emotion.

Be bold, be direct, and be honest: these things are the safest way to either confirm interest, or clear up any confusion that may have been bred by not communicating intent immediately. They are also scary as hell sometimes.

[cardiganwearer]

I once spent an afternoon working with a deaf bloke, who was a lip reader. Got on fine, forgot after a few minutes that he couldn't actually hear me (Stay with me, this will become relevant).

What I did notice, however was the intensity of his attention to body language; where my eyes were looking; what my mouth was doing. The level of concentration that man was using to squeeze every last drop of information out of the environment was tiring to watch and must have been many times more so actually to do. I came away thinking he must be absolutely knackered at the end of every day just from the ordinary communication the rest of us take for granted.

Considering it led me to think that what most of us think of as body language is very broad, not very informative and always needs confirmation from other modalities. Taken on its own we do not really have the skill to interpret it's nuances because we rarely need to, we can find out information in other ways. On its own, except for those who have spent a lifetime depending on it, body language is at best confirmation of what other senses are telling us.

In short , what everyone else says (as usual), you need an excuse to talk to him. Go ahead and manufacture one, people like to talk and in those rare exceptions where they don't, conversation stops and you both move on.

Don't let your interpretation of small body language cues fuel a whole fantasy thing where you are convinced he's potentially the love of your life, or whatever, and derive loads of vicarious pleasure from that. Talk to him, don't imagine the consequences of doing so or come on message boards to discuss possible outcomes, actually do it.

Sounds a bit strong I know, so remember I'm just some bloke on a message board, no qualifications, no stake in your situation. But really I don't think you're going to get far just looking at which direction someone's feet are pointing.

It'll take some resolve and a bit of courage but even if it goes nowhere, it'll be easier next time. Best of luck, come back and tell us how it went.

[Beau]

Well said CW. I need to take your advice to heart as well. It's scary as heck to tell someone something you keep hidden on a daily basis and for most of your life.

Chris, try starting off light. Maybe mention something like gay marriage and see if he's for or against it. If he's against it, then he's probably not gay. If he's for it, then maybe let him know you are gay. Well that's as far as I have figured out anyways. (Why do relationships have to be so hard?)

[ChrisH]

Guess I'll see what happens on Monday. I've got friends telling me "well, what if you move one seat over and sit next to him?"

Kinda chicken-shit about it, but on the flip side, I wanna see what happens.

[ChrisH]

So, I moved one seat over, and he moved one seat over. There's always one empty seat between me and him.

At this point I'm not sure if I should start talking to him or just move on. I'm kinda leaning towards moving on. It just doesn't seem worth pursuing, in my opinion.

[Corona]

Body language says a lot, but not that much

[ChrisH]

Body language says a lot, but not that much

It's not much in any case - it's just...silent flirting basically.

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A little update:

I will say that today was a little different than most other times in that class. I was walking towards the door of the class today while he was already at the back of the class (where the door was) - he was pretty much watching me walk towards the door (there was nobody behind me). I smiled at him. Then, out in the hall he was out in front of me (not directly though), then he dropped back behind me, but stayed rather close. There was no one behind me there either. Not sure what's on his mind if it's anything that concerns me...I don't know if he's trying to talk to me but won't...but to be honest, I'm still being a chickenshit about breaking the ice. I mean I've had a short window of time per class at the end, but still haven't.

In any case, the curiosity is killing me - I'll try breaking the ice for sure on Wednesday.

Wish me luck y'all.