Song im writing

[Musiq]

I decided that i might give my hand a try at song writing again...i find it odd how i can write poems but have no clue how to make them into songs. Anyways, im actually almost done, i just need to make some minor corrections here and there. Here's what i've got so far


The sun sets on the horizon
And fades into tomorrow
As the cloak of night descends
Let's not worry about our sorrows

Tonight we'll watch the stars fall
Underneath this silver light
As we lie in each others arms
We'll sing our hearts out tonight

You're the only one that i'll ever need
To be happy, with you, i know im whole
Cause without you, baby, my world is empty
You're my number one, oh a piece of my soul

Some nights without you feel strange
I'm so used to being with you
That sleeping alone without the warmth of your body
Isn't sleep at all, but nights thinking of you

So for now, we will watch the sunrise
As the day chases away the night
Lying here with you, arms wrapped around me
I know in my heart that we will be alright


So i think i might go with this...i really dont know as of yet. Anyways, if anyone has osme constructive criticism, id greatly appreciate it.

[ChrisD]

The lyrics look great, the changes you made since I last read it are just as good! (Disclaimer: I cannot write anything like this, I was not blessed with that talent)
Be very, very, very careful when picking rhythms and chords, especially for the longer lines, like in the 4th stanza.

Anyway, looks awesome!

[zeon]

Well done on the work so far.... Now if i remember rightly easiest way to remember a beat is say big fish little fish cardboard box or 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 and time it into sets... Maybe spice up the beat a little... Dont forget to add a chorus

[Musiq]

I was thinking that for the third stanza i would turn that into the chorus, and maybe go with that for now. I kind of have an idea of what i would like the rhythm to be, just would need some help composing the melody part of it. Good points though, thanks you two ^^

[ChrisD]

Now that I'm looking at the lyrics again, the 4th Stanza is a little awkward to sing (I tried), especially the 2nd and 4th lines, unless you already have a way to fit the words in that I'm just clueless about, which is likely . Last stanza, maybe change "we will" to "we'll" unless you have a good rhythm to fit it in. I'd be glad to help you with the melody part or anything else if you want

[Miles]

Nice work, and the third stanza did pop out as something that could be a chorus. I think you could sing the 4th stanza as is, depending on the meter; maybe if you can fit in "That sleeping a-" before the first beat of a measure, with the syllable "-lone" bridging the two measures together. Hard to explain without getting down into meter (3/4? 4/4? etc) and counting out individual beats. It may be easier to edit it some, but I don't know.

[Musiq]

Any night spent without you feels strange
Im just so used to being with you
That sleeping alone without the warmth of your body
Isn;t sleep at all, but a nigh thinking of you

[Musiq]

Hopefully im done writing the lyrics....? i hope lol