Having trouble meeting gay men...health issues in the way

[Rainbowmum]

Hello Steven welcome to this wonderful community.
I am sure you will make friends quickly.

[Steve1860]

I tried to post a number of hours ago and I just tried to repost and it is not showing up. I don't know if I am doing something wrong...I don't know how to fix this.

It was posted this morning. I guess it was moderated.

thank you,

Steven

[Steve1860]

It is #8 in this thread. It must have been moderated.

[monk]

Welcome!

[AquarianDragon]

Welcome Steve

[Steve1860]

I posted a reply to something MissingNYC said, but it never came through.

It came through as post #8.

[Steve1860]

It came through as post #8 in this thread.

[HomeagainNYC]

From what you have shared about your conditions - it truly must be overwhelming for you. That list is a lot, in and of itself, to carry around – much less function on a daily basis.

I volunteered at the Gay men's health crises center for many, many years as a health advocate and since you have a history in large Cities – I'm sure you know all that job entails.


I am in no way a medical or psychiatric professional and am not suggesting you do anything different that your doctors have advised. I did make some observations – for what they are worth. The first is - any health care professional should be handed a list - just like you wrote it - as well as a list of your medication, if you are already not doing so.

What struck me when I was looking at your list of health issues was how so many on the list can be caused from just a few of the issues listed. High Blood pressure, Diabetes, Bi –polar and Depression, being the most obvious.

The most common drugs used to treat the entire list of conditions more often than not have side effects that may potentially cause many of the other conditions themselves; especially when taken in the large amounts you shared. Quite a few issues indicate an elevated body weight. Exercise (within your limits) and proper diet (a professional nutritionist may very well be of great help) will go a very long way to stabilize, reduce or eliminate altogether many of these issues - of course not all – but a shorter list give more time to do the things you’re looking to do and defiantly a shorter list of medications.

Even though you say you don’t like the big city I noticed that it was only a 68 mile drive between Salem and Eugene and you live somewhere in between. You might consider looking to one of these cities for the initial support you may need in dealing with these issues, as it would appear that your needs are not being fully met in the town where you live.

Your profile indicates you have friends – conceivably you might enlist some of them to help you get back and forth until you can manage on your own - hopefully helping to hold you panic attacks at bay since you will not be driving and can take your prescription medications before and during your visits. As I am sure you already know - there is a formula for travel if you have Crohn’s disease or irritable syndrome.

I have included some informational resources you might want to explore both in Salem and Eugene if you have not already done it on your own; a few offer transportation if you qualify.

I can’t send a link but if you use Bing and copy and paste the highlighted search string into the browser it will take you to the sights.

Salem –
Salem Oregon Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender resources
Salem Oregon Support & Self Help Organizations
Found in this link:
Arthritis support group of Salem
Better Breathers
Diabetic support group
Fibromyalgia/CFIDS support group
Panic disease support group
Sexual minority provider alliance
EOCIL -Eastern Oregon Center for independent Living
Found in this link:
Empowering individuals with disabilities to improve the quality of their lives
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eugene -
Eugene therapist, Psychologist, Counseling – therapist Eugene Oregon
Community Resources for the Eugene, Oregon LGBTQ community
(Second one down) Look under help and resources.

There will be a lot of gay men in most of these organizations who you might make friends with, as well as other who understand exactly what you’re going through.

I hope this helps in some small way.

[Steve1860]

Hello MissingNYC,

You are right in that I am overweight. I was taking Lithium (I believe) and that shot up my weight and about 70 lbs and I haven't been able to loose it since. Dealing with all of my meds is a definite balancing act. You are right about the side effects and them creating their own set of issues. My list of meds was quite a bit smaller before I bought this house in '06. I think this house is cursed or it sits over a load stone or something. I don't understand how my health (and finances) could go downhill so far and so fast.

I have 2 friends here. Both of them have either worse health than I do or are working three or 4 jobs to try to not loose their home. They are just not available to help me. I do know a couple of people to say HI to, but that's it.

Except for a combined colonoscopy and endoscopy I had a couple of months ago, I haven't been farther than 2 miles from my house in the last 3 or so years. I am thinking about getting back home before I leave it. Most things are within a quarter mile of my house that I need to go to.

I have had anxiety and depression issues most all of my life, but never as bad as they have become. I was able to do most things without any problem. Now, due to learned avoidance behavior, I am becoming more and more isolated ergo agoraphobia. I feel as though I have dug myself into a hole so deep this time that I can't get out by myself.

I used to be of help to my friends and had some purpose...now I can't help anyone...not even myself and I have no purpose anymore. All of my family has died in the past 13 years except my mom's dad who turned 99 last Dec. 24th. He is in the LA area. My sister is living about a mile from me, but because of her uncontrolled bi-polar disorder, she stays at home and doesn't like seeing people except her husband.

I am so tired of this, I can't even tell you, but at the same time, I have built such high walls around myself, originally designed to protect me that I now am trapped by them.

From the outside looking in, I imagine that it looks like there are some obvious and easy things to do to for me to help myself, but from where I am looking, everything is threatening. I have equated it to having someone put your hand in a box filled with rattlesnakes. Every part of your being wants to fight and get away.

I can come up with 100 reasons for every one suggestion that someone makes not to do it. It is easier to say no than it is to say yes. I hope you understand what I mean by that. It is not that I am trying to be a deliberate ass, but I play out the scenario in my mind of that suggestion and see all of the negative possibilities and that raises my anxiety to such a degree, just thinking about it, that I will say no to avoid the possible consequences of a yes decision.

Your suggestion of having someone take me places actually makes my anxiety worse...then I have an audience. If I have an episode where I need to use the bathroom immediately and I am my myself, it is easier for me to deal with that than to have someone else there to embarrass myself in front of. That is the crux of my not wanting to be around allot of people...more chance of me embarrassing myself in front of everyone.

I usually travel backroads so if I do have an urgent situation, I can pull off the side of the road and take care of it. I have not been on a freeway in years because if there is traffic, I cannot get away quickly. One time, I almost made my own off ramp through a farmers field to get out of heavy traffic on the freeway.

Please don't think that I don't appreciate your help and suggestions and searching the internet to find the places you have to help me. I truly do. I am so afraid anymore about doing anything that will take me out of my comfort zone that I can hardly stand it.

I have tried and tried to be able to live like a hermit so I wouldn't need anyone else, but I can't seem to do it. My dad was able to do it through the last 8 years of his life, but I just can't seem to stop my need to have human contact. I feel much more comfortable around animals. They don't judge you like people do. That is one reason I would like to live in a rural, farm environment. Things are slower, more calm and you are not judged.

It would truly be easier to acquire some fatal disease so I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. I don't have what it takes to do myself in, so that is out, but if I were to get some disease, it would happen by itself. Yes, I know that is some of the depression talking, but it doesn't change the fat that right now, right here, I am so tired and have no hope except that stupid little glimmer of " hope springs eternal" that I can't give up. I don't know if you have felt that way or not, but if not, I can tell you it is miserable day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year.

Do you hear the violins yet..?...I am sure someone reading this is saying, "either shit or get off the pot". Well...unfortunately I am being as open and honest as I can possibly be. That has been part of my problem through life is that I am "too honest" according to other people...I think I have mentioned that before.

Anyway, I will stop jabbering on. I am sure this got old quite a while ago.

Thank you for your suggestions and your ear...I do appreciate them.

Steven

[Steve1860]

MissingNYC,

I forgot to mention that the image of my diagnosis and meds is from a fold-out card that I carry with me in my wallet everywhere I go. Of course the doctor's names and phone numbers as well as my pharmacy and number are listed on the card.

Steven