My boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend told me his sexual attraction for me was decreasing

[Shinjii]

Hello, everyone.

I'm new to this site and this is my first post. Me and my boyfriend recently broke up. He told me his sexual attraction for me was decreasing. I asked him why? He told me because he wanted me to be more fit. Now, I'm not overweight by any means, but I could be in better shape, I do recognize this. But my boyfriend never told me he wanted me to be more fit. He always made it seem like he was crazy about the way I looked with the compliments he would give me. All of the sudden two weeks ago, he says he started feeling this way. We were both very hyper sexual people, so it was obvious there was a decline. He then tells me that he had an expectation in his head. I'm like how can you have this expectation and not let your boyfriend know about this goal you had set for him in your head. My confidence has taken a big thrash, and always kind of felt like he was out of my league, and to hear him say this, it feels like it was only confirmed. He says he loves me very much, and would hate to deceive me, but it's like I felt like if he would have let me know this expectation, I could of worked for it. But I didn't even have a chance. I love him dearly and am having trouble moving on. Any advice on how to move on?

[John]

Sorry to hear that from you Shinjii. May i know who was the one saying it out (break up)?
For me, if he really loves you, he would tell you that earlier and wouldn't even break up with you because of this small matter. He is just another selfish guy!
I know it's hard to move on, but would you be happy to stay with a guy who can just break up with you because of that?

[Shinjii]

Sorry to hear that from you Shinjii. May i know who was the one saying it out (break up)?
For me, if he really loves you, he would tell you that earlier and wouldn't even break up with you because of this small matter. He is just another selfish guy!
I know it's hard to move on, but would you be happy to stay with a guy who can just break up with you because of that?

Initially he said he didn't have it in his mind to break up. But he says he didn't know how we would be able to move past this and be intimate again with out one or the other thinking about the situation in the back of our head

[John]

Initially he said he didn't have it in his mind to break up. But he says he didn't know how we would be able to move past this and be intimate again with out one or the other thinking about the situation in the back of our head

Those are just excuses... I don't know it much, but have you talked to him after the break-up? Like are you guys still talking to each other?

But still, for me, this kind of things can be fixed! You can start to do exercise and things to get yourself better in shape. Try to talk to him about it, but i think it wasn't the only reason for him to break up with you.

[John]

Sorry if I talked too much. That's just how I feel. But of course, talk to him about it if you can. If he really don't want it anymore, you can't do anything but move on. This is life! There are people who walked out from your life, but there are also people walking into your life too.

[Shinjii]

Those are just excuses... I don't know it much, but have you talked to him after the break-up? Like are you guys still talking to each other?

But still, for me, this kind of things can be fixed! You can start to do exercise and things to get yourself better in shape. Try to talk to him about it, but i think it wasn't the only reason for him to break up with you.

Yeah we talked about it again last night. He still feels that we wouldn't be able to recover from it. He said me working to get in better shape would feel like I'm giving him too much power over my life.

[John]

[quote=Shinjii]Yeah we talked about it again last night. He still feels that we wouldn't be able to recover from it. He said me working to get in better shape would feel like I'm giving him too much power over my life.[/QUOTE

Hmm, not much that I can say but cheers! Maybe he is not your Mr.Right. I know it's pretty hard to let him go, but, someday, you will be able to do so.

Right now, try to work on something that you like, or get yourself a new hobby! Focus on other things that can make you feel better, like hanging out with friends, exercise & etc. If you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to us. There are so many people here who would definitely be there for you. Cheers!

[Corsac]

Your boyfriend (or ex boyfriend) should just accept you for what you are, not have expectations to how he thinks you should be or look. It's shallow to expect that you have "a better body" then he thinks you currently do now.

@ John: Exercising just to suit the other persons needs of a type of body look is the wrong way to go about things, you simply cannot just fix a relationship by giving into someone else's needs. If you really care about the other person you would accept that they have a couple of things about them that may seem like flaws to you, nobody is perfect nor should they strive to be perfect because they open themselves up for lots of disappointment.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Sounds to me like he is looking for an easy way out of the relationship, and him singling out your level of fitness was the easiest thing for him pick on.

Its a LAME excuse, and if it wasn't your fitness level be assured he would be picking on something else. As others have posted, he should accept you for who you are, especially this far into the relationship.

Breakups are always painful, there is no way around that. My advice would be to take some timeout from him (completely - no contact) and just chill for a bit. The old saying of there are plenty more fish in the sea is as true for you as everyone else.

You can do better. It may take a week, or 6 months. But it will be worth it in the long term

Good Luck,

ObW
x

[pellaz]

Yeah we talked about it again last night. He still feels that we wouldn't be able to recover from it ... like I'm giving him too much power over my life.

Sounds like your boy friend is ashamed for his actions. he should be too. This sounds totally lame and really self limiting on his part.

If you enter into a relationship, you are sharing your body, aspirations and future, and your money. I feel he was in the right to suggest you take good care of your self but hope you two could find a common ground. I would love if my husband were my gym partner too. My husband and I have many faults that get ignored.

I hope this bad encounter dosnt prevent you from considering going to the gym in the future. When you are personally ready.