My best friend, since forever, is married with two kids and is as straight as arrow. We have been out and about on the town - parties - you name it. Sometimes just the two of us and sometimes with his wife.
I was the one who suggested he propose to his wife, once she accepted, he and I planned the wedding - his future wife was only too happy to let us do it.
If it turns out your friend is bi or gay - I'm sure you will be the first to know. You might want to think about taking this guy at his word, and enjoy the great friendship you have described.
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Hi Trevor:
I have to echo some of the other posts to your question - i would not risk losing such a great friend by telling him you've developed feelings for him. If he's bi, he'll share that with you in due time - same thing if he's a closeted gay man. As of now, you're out and gay, he's told you he's str8.
The real risk is that the dynamic you both has as friends WILL CHANGE if you tell him you're falling in love with him. This isn't up for discussion. Put yourself in his position. Say another buddy of yours - close, but not like this guy you're talking about. He tells one day he's very attracted to you and wants to know if you feel the same way. Now, to you, he's a good friend - that's all. If you tell him you like him as a friend, but that's it - won't your thoughts/feelings and behavior change? Yes, because now when you see him, you' be thinking, "does he have an alterior motive to being here/talking with me, ect." Of course you will - it's normal. That same thing will happen if you share your feelings with this friend of yours. While you can't control your feelings, you CAN control how you act on them.
Also, the fact that he's close to you - much closer than any other str8 friend - is more a testament to his maturity and his current lifestyle - theatre. So he's totally comfortable around gay men. Lord, we need more str8 guys like that in this world. And, the fact that he know most gay men have a much better aptitude about clothing and such (ie: asking you advice on dating/clothes, grooming, etc), again, is a tribute to the trust he's placed with you. I mean, how many str8 guys ask other str8 guys about clothes, hair style, and dating advice?
Do your best to keep your feelings at bay, and finally...do what you can to STOP PROJECTING what he does and says to make you feel like there's more to your friendship. If you don't one of these days you'll both be out, maybe having a cocktail or some pot, and your inhibitions will be lowered and you'll let it slip - and BANG it could all change from that day on.
Let things be. Enjoy your friendship - it's a wonderful gift. Treat it as such!
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I couldnt agree more with zeon.
He accepts you for what you are and i can tell that most of the straight men i know they whouldn't do it. So trying to make things happend as him being gay and getting mix messages which are being understood by your side as him flirting i dont think is the best way you should treat him.
Im not saying is something wrong cause you do have feelings and are difficult to be controlled but im just saying that you should try to give him what he deserves. He says he is straight he is talking about women to his mate, you're having good time and after all he doesnt care who do you go to bed with that sounds as a perfect friend to me and not as a possible lover.
Best of luck!
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I told my crush I'm gay and wanted to go on a date. That's how I learned he wasn't gay. Sometimes you just need to be up front and ask.
It may be hard, but it's usually easier than always wondering "what if?"
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BobInTampa Wrote:Hi Trevor:
I have to echo some of the other posts to your question - i would not risk losing such a great friend by telling him you've developed feelings for him. If he's bi, he'll share that with you in due time - same thing if he's a closeted gay man. As of now, you're out and gay, he's told you he's str8.
The real risk is that the dynamic you both has as friends WILL CHANGE if you tell him you're falling in love with him. This isn't up for discussion. Put yourself in his position. Say another buddy of yours - close, but not like this guy you're talking about. He tells one day he's very attracted to you and wants to know if you feel the same way. Now, to you, he's a good friend - that's all. If you tell him you like him as a friend, but that's it - won't your thoughts/feelings and behavior change? Yes, because now when you see him, you' be thinking, "does he have an alterior motive to being here/talking with me, ect." Of course you will - it's normal. That same thing will happen if you share your feelings with this friend of yours. While you can't control your feelings, you CAN control how you act on them.
Also, the fact that he's close to you - much closer than any other str8 friend - is more a testament to his maturity and his current lifestyle - theatre. So he's totally comfortable around gay men. Lord, we need more str8 guys like that in this world. And, the fact that he know most gay men have a much better aptitude about clothing and such (ie: asking you advice on dating/clothes, grooming, etc), again, is a tribute to the trust he's placed with you. I mean, how many str8 guys ask other str8 guys about clothes, hair style, and dating advice?
Do your best to keep your feelings at bay, and finally...do what you can to STOP PROJECTING what he does and says to make you feel like there's more to your friendship. If you don't one of these days you'll both be out, maybe having a cocktail or some pot, and your inhibitions will be lowered and you'll let it slip - and BANG it could all change from that day on.
Let things be. Enjoy your friendship - it's a wonderful gift. Treat it as such!
This is the most helpful piece of advice. Thank you for sharing. I will wait and see if he comes to me and if not, so be it. He will always be in my life no matter what, so I wouldn't want to change that with just confessing. If he likes me, he will come to me and tell me. Thanks again!! Much love, Trevor
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MissingNYC Wrote:My best friend, since forever, is married with two kids and is as straight as arrow. We have been out and about on the town - parties - you name it. Sometimes just the two of us and sometimes with his wife.
I was the one who suggested he propose to his wife, once she accepted, he and I planned the wedding - his future wife was only too happy to let us do it.
If it turns out your friend is bi or gay - I'm sure you will be the first to know. You might want to think about taking this guy at his word, and enjoy the great friendship you have described.
I know that if he is, he will tell me. Thank you for sharing this and changing my outlook. I appreciate it!!  That was a beautiful story by the way.
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Well, first off........ YOU LUCKY BASTARD for having such a friend!!!!!! LOL
As I have said in some other posts of similar nature, lonely and desperate guys usually "latch" onto the first nice guy that comes along. Whether its a friendly gesture, a kind word, or a pat on the back....this is taken out of context.
Im not saying this is whats happening with you, but this is the "normal" problem for something like this.
There are people out there who are extremely friendly, and as i have stated before I am not one of those people who finds this a good thing. For one, thier actions can be misread and misinterpreted by others around them. This gets those doing the misreading and misinterpreting into a lot of trouble. Trouble they usually make for themselves and end up getting hurt.
To keep this "short and sweet", I think this is a case of "super nice guy". This is a condition that a lot of "straight" men and women have with gay men and lesbians. For some reason they think we are a sad case and need all of thier hugs, hand holding, and support they can dish out. This ALWAYS does more harm than good.
Im not saying this guy is doing this because he feels sorry for you or that you need his pity.......but again, this is usually the standard case.
I think he's just being overly nice to you because he feels you are alone, lonely, and in need of whatever he can give you. Then again, he may be doing this because he loves the attention you give him, regardless of whether it hurts you or not.
If he's a great friend, leave it at that. Dont read stuff into what he does and says, just becase he's a nice guy.
And for my "two cents" on this, I would think if he was interested in you for more than just friends, he would have made a move on you already.
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trevorrobertlee Wrote:ANOTHER NEW YORKER 
Too bad I live like six hours away from Albany, otherwise I'd say let us go out for a chat or something :p
GAH! That's alright, we can still talk regardless.
Anyways! Back on topic (:
Maybe he is waiting for you to ask him. He treats you in a way that a very small amount of "straight" guys would ever talk to a gay guy. Unless he is just being a 'cocktease' but I HIGHLY doubt that is the case.
You could always play with his mind though... beat around the topic of "are you gay?".
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dogar26 Wrote:GAH! That's alright, we can still talk regardless.
Anyways! Back on topic (:
Maybe he is waiting for you to ask him. He treats you in a way that a very small amount of "straight" guys would ever talk to a gay guy. Unless he is just being a 'cocktease' but I HIGHLY doubt that is the case.
You could always play with his mind though... beat around the topic of "are you gay?".
I think I might wait a little while and see where things go, maybe eventually he will come onto me or maybe say something? If not I might confess that I have feelings for him, but not come out and say oh yeah, I thought you were gay...that would be rude. I guess I will wait and see and make an adult decision. Thanks everyone for the help though! I will take all of your input and use bits and pieces of it Also I can't message anybody on here because I have not posted 20 times, only 8, but feel free to message me or add me.
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also I have found there are many straight people who are comfortable with their sexuality who will flirt with gay guys.
Some do it because they are fascinated by the difference some people just like flirting.
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Is he gay? *PLEASE HELP*
