I've been in a few relationships, serious ones, including 2 fiances ( women). I'm starting to realize that I like to take care of the other person, so much to the point of it causing issues in the relationship if the other person is too independent. Its sounds crazy. I mean, I don't know, just seems like I lean towards a younger, needier, person. I just wanna fill the protector/daddy role, wtf! Lol. Am I nuts?
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No, not really. There are many like yourself. Just need to find someone who really wants that complete blanket lover type. It can probably be rather smothering if one does not understand what they are getting into.
Until I became rather ill/disabled I was always taking care of others so it was rather difficult for the role reversal and still is. People are always saying they can do this or that for me and I am always saying thanks but I can do it myself.
If you have the time and energy, maybe you can start to fulfill some of your needs by volunteering. I am sure it will be very rewarding!
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I know a guy who fails to 'take care' of himself and actually needs someone to do that for him. He is also fiercely independent out of necessity, not because he is hard wired for that and would love nothing more than to have the ability to trust a person to be dependent on. Pretty much the ying to your yang.
So your hard wired for all of this stuff, and there are others out in the world hard wired opposite...
The trick is to locate them.
Unfortunately the majority of those 'needy' types end up being hurt big time and grow a tough outer-shell and end up afraid showing they need... So finding them is pretty hard to do because they hide in plain sight out of a need to survive.
You are not nuts, I believe for most people there is at least one comfortable match - you just need to find your match.
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No, it doesn't sound crazy. I think it's perfectly normal and common.
The problem may occur if you aim for long lasting relationship. You'll find the perfect match and after couple of years he/she grows a bit and change. Just be prepared to change a bit too.
I believe people who look for the type of partner you seem to be, will find you themselves. If you are readable enough, they will be drawn to you. Don't forget that they are looking for their perfect match too.
Just be prepared to back off a bit if the balance changes over the time. It's not all about what you need. There always needs to be some gray zone, some maneuvering space.
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Everything that has been said here, so far, makes perfect sense. I would add that you need to look for someone who complements your personality. Someone who can accept to take your love but also return some... It needs to be balanced, in the end. Note also, that many people, especially men, I'm guessing, like a certain amount of independence, so you've got to know just how much independence will keep your relationship healthy. That's something that can be discussed with whomever you meet and partner.
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I heard one time that someone cannot learn to walk if they are always going to be carried. Same principle may apply here, I think. Also my own brother accused me of suffering from what he calls "a saviour complex". Always wanting to be the helping hand to someone. His advice? KNOCK IT OFF! I think he was right. Did I follow that advice? Of course not. But I have learned to taper it back...A LOT!!
So once you figure out a solution or compromise, you will be fine.
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Prior to my first serious gay relationship (Still currently in) I was very much always wanting to take care of my close friends and girlfriends.
It got to the point where my whole weeks pay where going onto stuff for them on the weekend.
I always had to be that person that took care of these select few, I was like a mother bird taking care of her babies.
After being in a relationship for about 2 months with my man he snapped some sense into me and opened my eyes to what was occurring.
I had lost my job, so of course the money started to dwindle down and where were these friends of mine?..No where to be found, they didn't want a thing to do with me unless I could pay for us to go camping on the weekend (which I couldn't as I hadn't been working)...Some nice so called friends right.
So its been a struggle to control myself as im constantly wanting to take care of my partner but his an extremely independent person and strong willed so Ive slowly been learning as has he and where meeting at the half way point.
As he said the other day we both balance out each others goods, bads and everything in between.
So my advice to you is dont let it get to a stage where people take advantage of you for your good hearted soul, find that one person back off the throttle by 50% and you will do just fine.
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Figured it out finally, I think lol
