Finally it's over

[Baslero]

I know you guys don't find my story very interesting, so that's why I take advantage of such a day and that I'm all alone in the chat to release here some of the pain in my heart...
My boyfriend and me finally broke up..., or better said, he broke up with me..., he found out I was holding a kind of "cyber relationship " with a guy and got mad thinking it was a real relationship.., since my bf and me met one year and a half ago, I've been completely faithful and devoted to him..., im deeply in love with him and couldn't touch another man, im so attracted to him that I couldn't have sex with anyone else..., it's the first time I live such a passion in my life, but he had back surgery and he's taking very strong painkillers, which kill his libido..., it was very difficult for me to accept not being able to have sex with your partner, the person I desire and I'm deeply in love with...he said he didn't mind me watching porn, but I'm not really into porn .., I find it quite boring, Im more into reading and writing erotic tales..., where I could really express all the phantasmes and fantasies I have..., basically how I'd love to be my sex live with my boufriend... in a chat I met a journalist from Zürich and starting chatting on whassup..., and those conversations where found by my boyfriend..., he just texted me last week to tell me our relationship is over and haven't been able to explain him...
I find all that situation very surrealist..., since we met my obsession was him, to make him feel better, to make his life easier, even I masturbated before meeting him to no disturb him with my "uncontrolled " erections...

[IanSaysHi]

Had you discussed with him beforehand that you would be chatting with others about your sexual fantasies on whatsapp? Because I think that's the real issue. You can't be completely faithful and devoted to someone if you are hiding things from them. If you'd discussed how he would feel about what you did with him first then maybe things would have worked out better; as they are he discovered conversations which would probably have made anyone in a relationship upset. Obviously I'm sure there's more backstory here and sorry if I sound harsh, this is just my opinion from reading what you wrote.

[MikeW]

I know you guys don't find my story very interesting, so that's why I take advantage of such a day and that I'm all alone in the chat to release here some of the pain in my heart...
My boyfriend and me finally broke up..., or better said, he broke up with me..., he found out I was holding a kind of "cyber relationship " with a guy and got mad thinking it was a real relationship.., since my bf and me met one year and a half ago, I've been completely faithful and devoted to him..., im deeply in love with him and couldn't touch another man, im so attracted to him that I couldn't have sex with anyone else..., it's the first time I live such a passion in my life, but he had back surgery and he's taking very strong painkillers, which kill his libido..., it was very difficult for me to accept not being able to have sex with your partner, the person I desire and I'm deeply in love with...he said he didn't mind me watching porn, but I'm not really into porn .., I find it quite boring, Im more into reading and writing erotic tales..., where I could really express all the phantasmes and fantasies I have..., basically how I'd love to be my sex live with my boufriend... in a chat I met a journalist from Zürich and starting chatting on whassup..., and those conversations where found by my boyfriend..., he just texted me last week to tell me our relationship is over and haven't been able to explain him...
I find all that situation very surrealist..., since we met my obsession was him, to make him feel better, to make his life easier, even I masturbated before meeting him to no disturb him with my "uncontrolled " erections...

I agree with [MENTION=23058]IanSaysHi[/MENTION]. Very likely the real issue here is 'lying'. Even if you weren't literally lying about your online friendship, the thing is your lover didn't know about it. So, when he found out, he was shocked and felt betrayed. This is just a guess, of course. I can't really say how he felt. In any case, as Ian says, secrecy is a form of 'lying' and that is very destructive to a relationship.

That said, to me what's happened doesn't warrant a break-up. I can understand your lover being upset with you but perhaps expressing emotions too strongly. What I'm suggesting is that if you really love this man, don't give up hope. There MAY be a way to work out this problem. You may have to give him some time and space to 'heal' his feelings, to get somewhat over the hurt, anger, sense of betrayal, of whatever he is feeling.

Now, I don't know, of course. I'm not really there. I'm not you or him... so I'm not sure exactly how to proceed. But my first advice would be to not accept his text breakup. Let him know that you want to see him IN PERSON. (Text is a horrible way to express anything of true importance.) Let him know that you WANT to hear what he is feeling. That you regret not having told him about your friend and that you want to make things right with him (your lover).

Sometimes we have to 'fight' for the people we love. They get upset with us. We need to listen to their upset. Perhaps we've done something we need to apologize for. It is a lesson learned on your part. So you'll be asking for forgiveness and asking that he give you another chance. I certainly would do that (and have done that kind of thing within a relationship).

I think we can all agree that *communication* is the cornerstone of any good relationship. By not sharing with him that you had a friend you were corresponding with, you set up a situation that you lover could experience as a 'threat' to your relationship with him. Now you need to try and fix this if possible. Of course, he may NOT be willing to work it out with you... or do so right away. But I would certainly hope so! To me, love is too important to give up on too quickly. NONE of us are perfect. We all make mistakes or have problems that our lovers have to negotiate... as you have been with his not feeling sexual. So, perhaps, don't give up hope just yet.

[Baslero]

Of course there is more backstory here, things are not always that easy, but to make things more simple I was wanting to stress my faithfulness and devoteness..., I don't want to be too explicit here, but I'm so in love that I couldn't have had sex with anyone else even if I'd have wanted too, I just can't have a hard on if I'm not with him, not event to masturbate..., that made things even more frustrating because I just couldn't find an "easy release" without him. Since we started, I've been downgrading my sexual expectations, and what I was just asking him is some touching and caressing while I was masturbating..., but even that seemed to stress him..., all that had been very hard for my self steem..., As a person and as a man... , i was blaming me for his lack of desire, and I had to swallow my desires to try to make him happy..., I was feeling like I was his father and his mother, taking care of him, rather than his lover..., I know I should have done something about it at the beginning but I assumed it would be something temporary until he recovered so I postponed to have a serious conversation about it , the priority was his recovery and I didn't want him to feel more pressure..., and part of that conversation would have been my explanations about the conversations I had with that guy, who was at a healthy distance at the other part of the country...
I know if I'd hate him it would be easier to forget him..., but I can't..., I can't hate him in the same way I just can't stop loving him..., I feel the victim of a terrible misunderstanding ..., but I can't talk to him and I'm not sure he's reading my messages...obviously he wasn't so in love with me after all..:-(

[deephiance]

To me it sounds like your partner went looking for a reason to break up with you and found a trivial matter and blew it all out of proportion to achieve that purpose.

Feeling inadequate can do that to a person, perhaps he feels like he is doing you a favour?