Need help, im in love with my closest friend but its very complicated, long story

[Sonicfan92]

okee dokes, so yeah ive never posted on a site like this before, i guess i just need someones opinion, but i cant ask my family or friends this is a long confusing story.
my best friend of 8 years is getting married soon, and i think the world of him, he's really happy and i'm glad for him. I started getting feelings for him like after a year of knowing him, he was always kinda anti gay i guess, but i fell in love with him anyway.

We both didnt get girl friends for years and we were really close, but he didnt like it when i tried to hug him, and sometimes i would stare at him cause i think hes beautiful (lol) and he would freak out and tell me to stop staring at him, like he could tell that i was looking at him in a loving way. we used to talk on the phone after school every day for an hour for months.

Anyways, i could tell he was interested in this girl which really upset me, i was less mature, but he could tell i was upset, went on for a few weeks and he asked me why id been acting so strange, and i started crying and ran off, when he caught up i told him i had feelings for him, he just went silent and walked away, i was devastated, i thought id lost my best friend, he didn't talk to me for a week, at the end of it he said we would never be as close as we were again. I was really down, he started dating this girl for a while, then he got scared it was getting serious and bailed
to this day no one else knows im gay

we gradually got closer again, oddly we never really stopped being best buds despite it all, he even took me on holiday with him the next year and let me sleep in the same room as him ( wow he looked pretty while he was sleeping haha thats not weird is it?)
we had some really deep tallks, but i guess my feelings got too strong and i tryed to cuddle him while we were alone, i guess he freaked out again, but after a day he was back to normal.

He was always really kind to me at school, and he used to look out for me and stuff. We Were always there for each other.
theres lots more but i guess i should skip ahead 3 years or this'll take forever.
Recently i'd given up on the prospect of ever having relationship with him, but even though hes mega straight and he knows i love him, he acts funny when i talk to girls, likr he wants my attention (which i find amazingly cute)
we started putting his arm around me and hugging me from time to time, he would still freak out if he thought i was making a move. Then he met his girl friend he's with now and he told me they had sex, yet i was just glad hes happy (i guess i was kinda jellous), theyve been together 18 months now and theyre getting married soon but all the time theyve been together hes been incrasingly closer to me, we hug everytime i see him,when were alone together i rest my head on his shoulder and put my arm round him. Then one day he shocked me and in an intimate moment he just said 'love you' i melted haha, i could barely reply i love you too, and we had a really passionate hug that lasted like 30 seconds (no we wernt drunk) then one day when i was drunk i kissed him and he didnt say anthing, then he walled me, but we diddnt make out or anything (thats like my dream and goal in life lol i wouldnt be here if we did)

then he started putting kisses on my txts and telling me he loves me. Its weird though because im just not sure what to do, he's getting married, and he's definately happy with his girl friend, he's obsessed with boobs, i dont get it,

im just confused now, what do i do? I value our friendship above everything, ive never loved anyone more, and he must have some feelings for me, yet i lose because i dont have boobs (ha that sounds stupid but its true) its all that stands between us, god lifes crewel, i get very down sometimes. Im happy for him though, and i like his girlfriend, she treats him how i would if we were a couple haha. How can he be so straight but treat me like that knowing i love him? Im baffled...

Thanks for reading, sorry its so long but i did just sum up half my life in one post. What should i do? anybody else ever gone through anything like this?
Thanks everyone x

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Tell him no. He is straight, getting married and you with him the best with that, but you are not going to be a fling for him to explore his emotions and potential bi side.

What he is doing to you is wrong, painful, downright hurtful. THAT is not love. Its malicious and cruel.

Go find yourself someone who is emotional available for/to you. he is not the one.

[4r75y]

I have to admit I have not run into this before.
though from what you said (and sadly I can not know what his side of the story is I only have your words here to draw from) but from what you said I agree with the above poster, though a little less harshly.
to me it sounds like this guy has cold feet.
Maybe you finally broke through to him after all these years but in the end for your own souls sake I would STRONGLY SUGGEST
GETTING AWAY FROM THIS GUY.
Whatever is going on in his life you NOW Especially do NOT need to be a part of it.
It sounds like he may ( I don't know becaue I only have what you said here to go on) it sounds like he MAY be questioning his own sexuality.
Either way if his marriage fails you do NOT want to be around, if you are you would be an EASY target for him and his soon to be wife to point a finger of blame at.
I say, GET AWAY FROM HIM,
NOW.
And I mean NOW.
In the end if he truly wants a relationship with you then he will find you (After the marriage fails) even if it's decades down the line.
But for now the BEST thing to do is Keep your own heart SAFE!
And also, dont' wait around for him, move on with your life and sadly I suggest getting a new friend.
Yes you'll have a hole, maybe even a Huge hole in your heart and life, but once you fill it with others who love you then it won't be so bad and it WILL eventually fade.
Just pray hard and look for someone new, you may just find it and sooner then you think. ;-D
best of luck I'm so sorry for your loss. *hug hug hug* ( I lost a friend to a marriage too. :-(! *hug love hug* )

[Geminize]

Sonic- oh man, this sounds so hard for you. I respectfully disagree with Bowyn and 4r.

From your side of the story, it sounds to me as though you have a wonderful relationship with your best buddy! If you can still love him as a friend, and be happy for him in his relationship with his fiancee, then stick with him. Yes, you will feel some jealousy. That's ok, as long as you acknowledge it and let it come and go.

I think he needs a buddy like you. A guy to be close with and share a special connection. I'm sure he's nervous about committing with his girlfriend. What guy isn't? Maybe he wishes he had explored more with you, but that's beside the point now. If you can stay grounded with him as a friend, keep it up. If the attraction and jealousy is too strong, then something needs to change.

Good luck with it. I really wish you the best!

[cardiganwearer]

I don't know what's going on in this guy's head and neither really do you, so all I can do is play back to you the story you've told with emphases that you might never apply to it.

My name's sonicfan and I've wasted what perhaps may be the best four (five?) years of my life on a romantic interest in a friend who has never been anything but straight, in fact he's now married.

I have derived enormous comfort from the prospect that he may one day be mine, probably briefly and uncomfortably because, let's face it, he's straight. Still, at least in my imagination he can never be an irritating sod with whom I should never have got involved and he won't dump me or hurt me.

Now that he is married he has become inclined to be a tad flirtatious, perhaps being in a solid heterosexual relationship enables him to do this, perhaps his wife's family are a bit more touchy-feely than he has been used to and it's rubbed off.

I've come here to ask whether I should go on wasting my time chasing a straight bloke when there's a world full of gay blokes who would really value the kind of loyalty I'm obviously capable of.

There you go. I'm reading a huge amount into what you've said and only you will know if there's any truth in it. Bear in mind too that I'm just some bloke on the internet. Other opinions are available and many of them will be better than mine. I hope it goes well for you.

[drobs]

EJECT!!!

Plenty of good looking romantic gay guys that would be interested in you out in the world. If you have any self esteem &/or good looks you can be successful as a gay man. Stop wasting your time with this straight friend. Go out and experice life.

It's good to have friends. It's good to have attractive friends. Keep em as friends and move on with your life. Let me throw in some Saturday Night Live wisdom for you...
"You're good enough, you're smart enough, and GOSH DARN IT, people like you."

[Sonicfan92]

thanks everyone, yeah i guess we'll probably drift apart once hes married and moves away anyway, we will always be friends, and im definately not gonna ditch him just cause we cant be together. He'll always have a special place in my heart. I will probably meet someone else one day. Im not desperate to be in a relationship (yet lol)

i know it sounds like hes being cruel, but i know he cares about me, he has nothing to gain from flirting with me, except that when he does i usually flirt back more and hug him which werids him out anyway, so i dont get it haha

yeah the flirting thing is probably just because he feels comfortable with his gf now, maybe before he was worried that i loved him and that made him girly in some way (and hes really not)
i just dont get why a straight guy with a girl friend would flirt with me when he knows im gay and that i love him. ive looked at other posts and stuff but ive never seen another person in my situation. anyone else ever had this problem?

again thanks for the advice everyone, im sure ill figure out whats right for us both in the end.