Another Southern guy on here? Woohoo!
This southern guy understands you. Especially if your parents are "old school" southern! Thats just a headache in itself sometimes....regardless of circumstances.
Southern parents are different from most other parents. They have the solid ability to be totally inflexable, stubborn, and even hard headed as granite. They, of course, learned this from thier parents, who were probably even MORE southern than they are.
There is a trick to "cracking" this hard fried, southern shell they have put themselves into. No, it doesnt work on all southern parents, but the ones who are more "citified" are usually the ones who are able to be "cracked"...where they can understand.
First off, are you an only child? If so, this may be a big reason why they are hard headed. Like all southern parents, they want grandkids, and refuse to think you could love anybody other than someone who could bear them grandkids.
Secondly, being yourself and never straying. Southern people, especially "old school" southern, pick a stable personality and live with it....regardless of whether this personality is actually who they really are or not. This is where all the screaming and yelling comes in later in life, because they have pretty much had to live up to everybody elses expectations of who parents or friends think they should be, and not who they really are....so in essence, they have been living a lie all of thier lives, so they fight with their spouses, kids, relatives, and friends when they get older and settle down with a life. Whether its a life they want or not. But beign southern, they wont ever admit this.
Third, since most "old school" southerners are hard headed as rock, you have to treat them like rock. If you think of how you wear down a rock, you know its done over time. Like a water stream over a large rock.....over the years that rock will wear down because of the never ending flow of water over it. And sometimes worn down to the point where you can crack it open easily.
Whats all this got to do with your problem?
Well, you have to figure out your parents. Find out how they grew up. Were they allowed to be themselves, or were thier parents strict on them, as were most southern parents? How they were treated growing up has a lot to do with how they became the people they are today. You have to find out how they were as teens themselves. Did they do anything that pissed thier parents off? Did they rebel all the time? Did they do something against thier parents, where thier parents finally accepted it and let it go?
If your grandparents are still around, I would talk to them about your parents when being young, what they were like, what they did, were they "bad" or rebellious?
Once you understand where your parents "came from", then you can try to figure out how to approach them, psychologically. If you are in college, or have access to anyone in the psychological field, I would pick thier brains for information on this.
You've already done the really hard part, you've told them before. Whether they accepted it or not, is not "here or there"....now they know. As "southern fried" parents, they WILL refuse any issue they deem as not beneficial to thier set way of life. This again, is a total southern "thing". They know you are gay now, its up to you to get them to understand that this changes nothing. You are still you.
And believe me, if they didnt kick your ass to the curb when you first told them, they wont do it now.
I will tell you a little secret as far as southern parents are concerned. They arent as stupid and clueless as most people think. Good southern parents know thier kids. Usually by the age of 10, they know who their kids are and where they are going in life. Some refuse this concept and try to change thier kids, or just igonre it, hoping it will "go away" or they will "grow out of it".
It seems to me you have the parents who are hoping you will "grow out of it".
Regardless, you've already told them, they refused to acknowledge it, but yet now they know. Now you just have to get them to accept and admit.
You have to get them to understand, from your point of view, you are NOT "gay"...you just prefer men over women. Southerners see "gay" as being all faggoty, flaming, and flopping around in pink shorts and halter tops. Its your job now to make sure you change thier perception of this.
No one can tell you how to go about all of this, only you can figure out how to start wearing your parents down, slowly and smoothly, over the next few years, to understand that thier little boy isnt growing up to be a flaming faggot, but you are growing up to be a decent man....someone they can be proud of in public.
There are two things most "old school" southerners respect most......hard work, helping out friends and family in need.
I come from a VERY redneck family of farmers, military men, and "deep fried" southern women. But I have always helped them out when they needed it, I have always been there for them, and I have never complained about the back breaking work Ive had to do in my life.....for them or as a regular job.
And, as most "southern fried" people do.....they accept you as you are....quietly and without words.
How do I know? Well, Ive kept my personal life to myself. But as all my cousins and my sister had gone off, gotten married and had kids....I was still "alone". And when I was about 35, one of my Uncles finally came out and asked me if I was gay, and I said yes. And that was all. He said "everbody figured I was, but nobody knew for sure". But you know? Because they know me as a hard worker, and would do anything for anyone to help them out, they couldnt have cared less. Thier curiosity got answered, and thats all there was of it. They still love me for the person they know I am.
And this is what you have to work on with your parents....showing them they did raise you right, and perferring men over women is nothing they need to be concerned about.
As I mentioned before, they know. Now its your job to get them to understand, accept, and admit.
Understand that you are not the type of gay man who is flaunted in the media, that stereotypes arent always true.
Accept that they DID raise you right, which has nothing to do with who you are attracted too for companionship.
Admit, out loud, to you, that they love you regardless, and they know they raised you right.
I never set out to "tell" anyone about myself in my family. But they all knew, regarless of anyone ever saying anything. I let them see exactly what kind of person I was, and like all southerners do.....they accepted me for the person I am, not what perferences I have. It might have taken 20 years of my life, but thats how you have to deal with "southern fried" people.
Yeah, I know......I talk too much.
What can I say, Im from the South!!!!
Feeling bad about my sexuality
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