Queer(perhaps TSW) not androsexual ...advice...

[queernotandrose]

I signed up for this site after typing these thoughts and posting them on and Transgender forum....This post is pretty much the only reason I signed up for gayspeak....Signing up for the Transgender forum though I had multiple reasons
I checked off only Advice and Support when I signed up for gayspeak.

My mind is complete mush....though I have attempted to put some of this mush into writing:

I was thinking if I was started to transition I would have very difficult time because I would probably reject any one that has signs of androsexuality what do you think of that?
This is a response from one person to this question on a tgchat: I think it makes u...you.....and thats fine...everyone is different baby.

That is why I think I asked the question about what everyone thought about a person rejecting a pre-op trans....because I don't know if I would be attracted to a pre-op trans even though I may be a pre-op trans myself(since gender and sexual orientation are different. ) I hate, hate my beard the only reason I have it is because I wanted to make a video on youtube that is similar to this: youtube com watch?v=ialQ7qZ8jlQ&playnext=1&list=PL3848EA0046943517&feature=results_video[/url] ...except with a more extreme transgender transformation but I think if I don't make the video soon I am going to go crazy.

I am definitely certain I am genderqueer but lately I have been questioning if I am trans again....just like about 10-<1 years ago....the last 6 until about 2 months ago I have been thinking maybe I am just genderqueer but lately I have been thinking that yes in fact I am trans. I have acting and feeling extremely feminine lately.

I came out to one of my best friends who doesn't seem to be very familiar with gender identity things but after I came out then he came out to me as gay and he seems to be very familiar with sexual orientation things and I am unsure of what to say or do if he started to come on to me.
I am saying hypothetical I don't know what I would do or say to him if he did(I will try to explain why in a later paragraph)
You will probably say....”Just tell him how you feel if he comes on to you, If you are into him in that way, tell him; If you are not, tell him” But I don't know I can just tell him(I will try to explain why in a later paragraph)....I think I would probably just freeze up and not know what to do or say.

All i know right is that I am pretty much 100% gynesexual and I told my friend this...well I told him that I was 99% positive I am gynesexual. I guess the fact that I told him I am 99% positive that I am gynesexual rather then 100% positive is bugging the hell out of me now. Maybe I should just tell him that I am 100% positive.

There is another thing I didn't add though...once I came out to him as genderqueer and perhaps trans he came out to me and said he had a boyfriend... so if I talk to him about this I am thinking his brain may get jumbled I don't really know the boyfriend very well, he is out of town. My friend's family are religious and my friend said he doesn't want me to let their family know that he is gay. I also have this weird suspicion that he may not be gay but don't say that to him because I think that may get him mad and I don't think it is my right to hand out judgments like that. The reason I think he may not be gay is because like I said his family is religious and I have acted(of course since I am genderqueer and perhaps trans) what many people that don't know or more importantly don't believe that gender identity and sexual orientation are separate things. I have these thoughts (only lately though) that he may have had thoughts in the past that I was gay for a long time and since he doesn't seem to see a difference or it is hard for him to see the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation due to his religious upbringing I think I may unknowingly in the past somehow ingrained a permanent idea in his head that I was definitely gay. (this is all my thoughts and not necessarily reality):With that idea implanted in his head he may have eventually developed an emotional connection to me and tried to force himself to be "gay". I definitely hope this isn't the case but if it is I have fears. Then when I came out to him as genderqueer and he came out as gay I explained to him that I am almost 100% sure that I am not androsexual. He then told me about his boyfriend. He says he is happy with the person he is with and I really hope that is the case but if it is not I have fears. The actions that brang me to the conclusion that he may not be happy as being gay is that he has asked me on several occasions if I have watched gay porn yet almost to the point that I am ready to yell at him. He laughs and say "don't worry you will get used to it" even though I have no desire to watch gay porn. He asks me if I have found a boyfriend even though I have told him that I am nearly 100% gynesexual. So it either seems like 1)he wants me to be gay as way to get back at me if he believes I somehow turned him gay due to fucking Leviticus fking:go fk yourself Leviticus OR 2)he is attracted to me and wants to be with be me instead of his boyfriend OR 3)both OR 4)maybe I am the crazy overthinker and nothing is wrong. I am just very afraid what he will do if I rejected him or explained or told him I feel no attraction to him and he feels and is doing 3)both. Fk you Leviticus. I really hope he feels number 4 cause I really want him to be happy.

Any advice? Please don't tell me I am using labels too much because I only think of labels as attempts to put labels on specific points of a spectrum of thoughts and feelings....so when I say genderqueer it is simply a “guideline” to my currently state of mind and not a static labely thing. As Captain Barbossa said on Pirates of the Caribbean...”And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. “