Jealousy

[Anonymous]

Hey Guys & Gals.

I entered into a Civil Partnership in April, which is all fine and well. It's a deeply supportive relationship, which helps especially with my brain being the way it is & my body isn't helping matters atm either, which means not much sex for my better half.

But I'm having a bit of an issue with Jealousy over my ex. I was talking to my ex-fiance (who cheated on me) about an hour ago, who I'm still good friends with, even though I left him for my husband and it ended on bad terms, so I suppose we're as bad as each other. But we got back in touch a few months after breaking up and we have both since openly admitted to having feelings with each other.

But anyway, he had a date the other night and implied that he had great sex afterwords (and I quote "he took me out for dinner and so I put in more than just the tip")...

Sorry, I'm just rambling now, what I would like now is ideas for why I'm so jealous of my ex? I know he's not mines anymore and I'm in a great relationship now, so why can't I just let him go and get over it?

[Counselor]

It could be a number of reasons. For myself, I'd be aggravated that someone that cheated on me is so happy.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I recently spoke with my 3rd ex and was a bit upset to discover that since we parted he was in a long term relationship for 10 years. But my heart got glad to discover that for the past 4/5 years he has been single - very single.

It wasn't jealousy - it was more spite and venom and my thinking he doesn't deserve to be happy. Thus m heart was gladdened to discover he hasn't scored a mate for a few years now.

Thus I wonder if what you are really feeling is jealousy, or are you just angry he is getting a bit of happiness?

[MisterTinkles]

Well, for one, you didnt "end" it with your ex, its still going on apparently.

Youre jealous because you have allowed your old emotions to surface for this ex, and when he told you of his date (and he was SO playing you on this) you had a reaction.

if you have any feelings for this new person in your life, end it with the ex....TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY.
Because its obvious you arent one of these people who can have a friendly relationship with an ex.
And if you allow yourself to get involved with this ex again, its going to end badly. You wont just have one ex, you will have two.

[HomeagainNYC]

I agree that if someone has caused you pain and suffering, all types of emotions can surface randomly, if you rekindle the acquaintance. Often times just learning information about that person will trigger them as well.

I believe both Counselor and BA - are absolutely correct, it's only human nature for emotions to surface when the person is moving on (or appearing to be) after they didn't do right by you, and you are still holding on - to any part of it.

If you have really, and I do mean really, moved on, that's about the only time I know of, these random emotions don't surface, as they relate to the person who has caused you the pain.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Jealousy is a very powerful emotion. Its also very self destructive if you don't stay away from it.

I was rather surprised to read that your having a CP in April, but then go on to mention that your in touch with your ex and both admit to having feelings for each other.

Does your soon to be CP know about this and have you discussed how you feel towards your ex?

If you haven't, then you're on the slippery slope to deceiving him before you've even tied the knot. Not a good start. If i were you I would take a step back and just be sure that CP is what you BOTH want, and not something thats just convenient for you.....

Good Luck.

ObW
x

[Geminize]

Nobody likes to feel like they can be replaced, so I think most of us feel at least a little jealous when an ex starts a new relationship.

My question is: Why is your ex telling you about his current sexual encounters?! Sounds to me as if he wants you to feel jealous. If I were in your situation and I wanted an ongoing relationship with my ex, I'd let him know that I'm not interested in hearing about it. He can share his sex life on a "need-to-know" basis, and I wouldn't need to know!

[Kat]

It sounds like he isn't really your ex in your mind so get him there. He's the ex so it's his life and his way for him and your life and your way for you. What he does or doesn't do or who he's with is no concern of yours and if he likes to tell tales out of school then that's his problem, not yours so walk off or tell him to shut up if you don't' want to hear it same as anyone you know but no very well.

What he's doing is the same as posting on Face book "I had sex with Blah Blah and it was great." it's tacky, tasteless and rude and you don't have to listen to it any more than you have to read it.

[LateBloomer]

Wow.

What an interesting thread.

I have nothing to add, but I learned something from EVERY response. And the perspectives here actually took me by surprise.

What a wealth of knowledge in such a short thread.

[princealbertofb]

Anonymous, you just haven't had closure about letting your ex boyfriend go. What would it take for you to have that closure (at least the peace of mind not to worry about what he's getting that you're no longer holding on to)? To be also honest, I think both you and your new partner deserve better than you worrying over an ex, especially if your new partner makes you completely happy.