for queernotandrose

[Nick9]

Hi,
I was under impression that once you post something you can delete it - just change it. I have no idea where your first post disappeared. I have it still opened in another browser window though. I can send it to you if you want to post it again.

my answer:

Welcome,

I've read your whole post. Can you say in one sentence, what your problems is? Is it your friend? Is it your body or your state of mind?

I am afraid you hide your confusion behind the big words.

Don't guess what your friend thinks or feel. You may be completely wrong and if your decisions are based on the wrong guesses you can make your and your friend's life worse.

Accept that there are people who have no doubts. They look like men/womens, feel the same, they are happy as straight/gay. No gray zone.

Then there is a lot of people who have doubts.

Accept that you are you, unique. Unless you don't want to have the op you don't need to decide. And even if you want the op, there will be most probably a bunch of people, doctors, psychologists etc who will help you to make the decision.

I read once that one person on similar forum asked... Sometimes during my busy days I forget that I am transgender, mtf and I feel like a man. Is it okay?

I am afraid that it documents how much a person can be confused. Yes, it is okay. We are all different. Find what makes you happy.
Do you think about yourself in different body? Do you want others to see you in different body? Who do you want to spend your life with? Forget porn, what you watch says nothing about your sexuality.

Good luck

[Bowyn Aerrow]

And my answer:

Gender: Transsexuals go through many years of therapy to make certain that what they feel about their gender is really gender related or something else. In order to go through the operation, a therapist has to sign off on it. Gender identification is complex and may be unique to each individual in various aspects as one sees gender in themselves and in others. Gender is not just what swings or not between the legs - its got a lot of other things attached to it. I assume you have been to a therapist - yes? If not, perhaps before you start doing anything to talk with a therapist first to get a handle on just your gender first. One thing at a time. If you think you are transgender, then you want to know for certain instead of raging inside your head confusing everything else that relates to gender. Or am I wrong?

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Gynesexual? Androsexuality? I rarely hear those words outside of a therapist's office. Do they have any real meaning to you? Do they have any real meaning to the guy/best friends/ec who you are talking too? Can you two find a common frame of reference here? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androphilia_and_gynephilia I know if I start talking technical carpentry jargon to people who only know that a saw saws wood and a hammer hammers nails, they will sit there and pretend to know what I'm talking about while I blithely ramble on. People hate to look stupid so will play this 'Uh=huh' game. Sill plates, cripple studs, king studs, headers - all of these words they know, but mayn't understand in any real terms. The trick is to figure out a way to have a common frame of reference to talk to individuals with. That way they can give you real input without having to ask Google for advice.

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That last large paragraph appears to me to be more of YOU putting words in his imaginary mouth than what he actually said or for that matter really thinks. I personally know several LGBT who are from highly religious families and are very deeply spiritual who have no issue or problems mixing 'religion' or a spiritual life with their and others sexual orientation, gender, etc. It is real easy to have a dialog in your head and assume a lot about what a person will say, personally, in 46 years of life very few conversations I have had with people run by my internal script - and many of the conversations went in totally unthought of (by me) directions which lead to both nice and nasty surprises. There are reasons why communication is essential, this is one of them

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Last advice - stop thinking so much... Well try, yeah I know, its real hard to not think. It seems like you are working yourself up over a lot of things you need not be at this time. Reread yourself, and see where you can break this all down into digestible bits. Draw lines in your mind where one issue ends and another starts, then list them some where. EXAMPLE: !. Am I really Transgendered? - 2. Am I 'gay'? Then you can work on 'does he like me for being a man/woman - am I really the deal breaker for his current relationship? I think for you that #1 must first be answered in a more concrete manner than 'I think' and the best way to do that one is with a therapist who specialized with pre-op transgenders and helps them to discover what gender they are. Oh and breathe sweetie - seriously.

[Nick9]

a new word game thread :biggrin: Answers without a question. We could try that more often