Need Advice

[ChristopherMill]

Okay so here it goes....

Back in November I met this really great guy on Craigslist under the Strictly Platonic section. His post was about him being new to the area and looking for friends to watch Football with. In his add he put his was "gay" which myself was totally cool with. Our first meeting was great! I picked him up we went to a local restaurant and watched a football game together and talked.

Skip to December & a month has passed. We talked all the time and hung, movies, tv, going on a trip to miami together. I don't remember how it happened but in December we started to "fool around" together and did things like sleep at his place and in the morning would masturbate together / give each other oral. It was great. We went out to dinner together (i felt as if they were dates)

So in January I decided to confess how I felt about him. I texted him telling him I felt a strong connection towards him. His reply was "that we needed to talk about it in person, and that he wanted me in his life in some shape or form". Well we had that talk, I don't really remember much from it but I basically got the lets be friends for now. After this conversation we didn't talk about our bed nights together it was weird like we were just friends.

The thing is I have too many feelings for him. Im in love with him I think. My dad recently died last week and he was there for me. He spent a few nights at my place. We even got back to our old ways for one night. He cuddled me and in the morning we did the deed again like before.

He is still on craigslist posting random personal adds looking for guys to mess with and this honestly hurts me, but I don't know what to do. I love the guy. He's 33 and I'm 24. I have never felt this way about anybody.

Any advice would be great!

[pellaz]

craigslist; love finds its ways into our lives through the smallest cracks and or sometimes we just hear a song in our ears. Either way you guys sound serious and should have that talk. While you are conscious and thoughtful of each other. Exactly remember the conversation, it can change your lives. Welcome to gayspeak.

gay or straight relationships are the largely the same thing. Is he dating someone else? Has he just come off a 7year relationship? You guys are 10years apart, not bad but how do you think you look to him? If all is mostly good do the romantic thing, flowers, dinner, back woods hike etc. Your job is to make him see it your way. Than ask him if you two could date, dont feel bad if he says no (stay friends), elated if he does a YES (discuss the rules; PDA?, out to family?, drugs/alcohol, fidelity/cheating, amount of texting, safe sex/testing, no arguments in bed...)

Your family and friends; if they really care about you, will dont care if the love in your life is gay or straight so long as it makes you happy and successful.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You had this talk and you can't recall it? Hmm. Maybe you need to have this talk again and this time remember.

If its 'lets just be friends' then don't expect him to change his mind.

That whole 'I want you to still be in my life' thing always sucks and never works out that way. If anything it worsens the pain, such as you are now suffering because he is still meeting others.

You need to have that talk again and find out what he wants. If he want to be 'just friends' then no more bed time, until you want to have 'just sex' with him. And be willing to share him with god only knows how many others.

I hope your wearing condoms....

[pellaz]

thanks Bowyn Aerrow
-yes its odd no one can remember the conversation.
-safe sex is high on the list, your partner is exposed to the worst viral junk.

[BobInTampa]

I hate to come across as crass and unfeeling, but, youv'e inflicted this pain on yourself!

He posted on CL in SIMPLY PLATONIC and shared with you from the outset that he wasn't looking for (and didn't want) an LTR! But you, like SOOO many other gay men willingly start a friendship with these guys, and then, months down the road after falling in love, look for advice on what to do!

It's simple! If you can't respect his feelings (or lack of them towards you) and shelve your emotions (ie: this isn't love its infatuation so don't undermine the word LOVE when what you're into now is NOT reciprochal), then just make a clean break and only date men who ARE looking for more than an FWB setup.

Why is it so many of you guys feel that you can "change" him and he'll fall in love with you? There's probably many reasons why a guy just wants an FWB friendship - and there's nothing you can do to make him change!