It's not getting better

[bryan]

Hi evereyone,

I've been dating this guy for almost two months now. We've a great time, and i really like him and he likes me. It's actually the first gay dating contact for me, i've had some hookups but nothing 'serious'.

There's on problem though. I can't get an orgasm with him around. Well it happend once, but most of the time i just can't come and this is really bothering me. I know it's all mental blablabla. So i told to myself, it'll be allright etc. Even didn't wank for almost a week, but without result. Btw, when I wank it takes me a lot of time to come as well.

Then there's this other thing. The guy i'm dating comes really quickly, so he wont let me do a lot to him So when we have sex it's like he gives me attention 70% of the time and i take care of him for only 30%, i would like to do more for him

I hope somebody has some advice for me. I'm quite positive thinking, but this is starting to become a real problem now

thanks!

[fjp999]

Do you talk about it?

Are you both the same age?

When I was your age I had my first partner who was older. I had your issue. He was the bottom and actually loved my problem lol... but that is another story...

At his age cant he get another erection and keep going for a bit more fun?

Honestly I could never cum inside my partners but had to jack off. My partners always seemed to enjoy helping me in whatever way. It is always that communication - the verbal or sexual communication that makes a team.

Good luck!

[bryan]

he's two years older. I told him yesterday what i could do for him, because he always pushes he me away. Then he just said that he likes taking care of me.

But still the not being able to come is teribble. I don't know of it bothers him, but it certainly does bother me.

[fjp999]

That is a bit odd that he pushes you away... I would def talk to him about that a lot more...

And you should really discuss it with him if it bothers him about you taking a long time to cum or not! If he understands how terrible you feel would be an important part of communication.

Sounds like you are both still just coming to terms with what either of you want and/or need.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

he's two years older. I told him yesterday what i could do for him, because he always pushes he me away. Then he just said that he likes taking care of me.

But still the not being able to come is teribble. I don't know of it bothers him, but it certainly does bother me.

If I read that correctly, he likes the fact it takes a long time to get you off?

If so, that is a good thing. That should put your mind at rest.
Especially if you are topping him - never know he might like that hour long 'workout'.... some guys do.

If you are circumcised the problem may lie there. If not (if you are intact) the person you may want to discuss this with is your Doctor.


Or See Alice: http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/boyfriend...-ejaculate

One of the problems you have going here is the 'vicious circle' the longer it takes the more anxious you become, thus requiring more time, which leads to it taking longer, which means you become more anxious...

How you break that is to get yourself relaxed enough that you just enjoy what is going on. How you do that depends on you. Hint, cold showers don't do it.

Foreplay is essential for good sex - heavy petting, teasing, etc.

I have no idea what pushes your buttons, but you do - work on having those buttons pushed in the right order. If this means more dirty talk, a pair of feather dusters and a rubber duck - its cool - don't sweat it:eek: :biggrin:.

Most of sex takes place in the brain... you need to figure out what you need to arouse the biggest sex organ (the brain) maybe you all need to wear leather boots, maybe you all need to spend more time kissing, hugging and the like.... something has to 'click' for you - if you know what it is try it.

Oh, and try looking it at this way, he is a premature ejaculater. You need to 'edge play' him for all you are worth... that means get him to the point of nearly ejaculating, then moving on to playing with his nuts, his tits, or nibbling an ear while he 'cools off' just a little. I think its also called orgasm denial... Do several times and it will blow his mind. :tongue:

What you will be doing is extending his time to closer match his.

[pellaz]

my xwife (yes my big straight relationship) tended to push me away sometimes, obvious never did her any good in the end. The rejection; I felt bad, while I think she felt with in her space to be ok about it.

if your dating someone you really dont have a option to say no.
so
say YES if he just wants YOU. Dont worry about not being able to cum. Forget his name. Love your self through him, no worries take all he will give.

[Counselor]

...just don't ask him his name while he's taking care of you.

[Eromir]

It might be that you are just too focused on coming and need to distract yourself somehow.

That is true for me, at least. I takes forever and sometimes i don't come at all if my BF just tries to wank me off, but it takes 1-2 minutes if we are kissing at the same time, because I'm focused on the kiss rather than having to cum quickly.

Try doing something that pleasures you both at the same time rather than "taking care" of each other and focus on the process, not the goal. If you'll only think about coming quickly - you won't.