02-16-2013, 03:21 PM
Hi everyone. Name's Jason and I'm an...oh, wrong place ,wrong time ;p
I'm very happy to have found a community that I can open up to about certain topics that just don't seem approachable with others. I'm still going through the process of being comfortable in my skin as a gay man. I've known since I was very young, but I thought in some way that it was wrong. I always accepted it as natural and normal for others to be gay, but I held a strong double standard for myself.
I live in a town of less than 4000 people in a very rural neck of the woods. It's beautiful here, but the people can definitely exude that ignorant Redneck vibe. No one from school ever came out until they left town and many people talked as if they were just confused. There is a publicly out couple in the town, but as such everyone knows where they live and comments about them as gay first and people second.
There's not really a moment where everything suddenly became fine for me. No moment that I "realized" it's okay to be gay. It was more the emotional onslaught of loneliness and all the emotions that come with repressing yourself. It's so much better now though.
So far I'm still taking things slow in coming out, but so far the responses from those important to me has been overwhelmingly positive. My mom hugged me and told me she wants me to be able to tell her everything. She made sure I knew that there's never been anything wrong with me. My sister cried that I went through all of this on my own and didn't let anyone past this wall until a couple years ago.
I'm still scared of telling my grandparents even though I am reassured by other family that they don't think being gay is a choice, which is at least something to work with if nothing else. My dad though doesn't know and things don't look good on that front. We've never really had the same interests or bonded much, and I know he has a long history of being a bit of a bully. He still tells stories of his days working with a retarded person and teasing them. My sister doesn't even want me to tell him alone for fear of his reaction, but I feel I owe it to him... whenever I muster enough courage.
However things turn out though I can't back down from who I am. I can't sacrifice my chance at happiness anymore. My romantic heart has bled all it's willing to. I'm here and I'm queer!
Well I've babbled on long enough. One more thing y'all will surely notice about me is that I am long-winded on the internet. I've always had a knack for writing and I don't like being misunderstood, so I choose words fairly carefully. I am really excited to be here with y'all and so thankful for those who keep this place going.
I'm very happy to have found a community that I can open up to about certain topics that just don't seem approachable with others. I'm still going through the process of being comfortable in my skin as a gay man. I've known since I was very young, but I thought in some way that it was wrong. I always accepted it as natural and normal for others to be gay, but I held a strong double standard for myself.
I live in a town of less than 4000 people in a very rural neck of the woods. It's beautiful here, but the people can definitely exude that ignorant Redneck vibe. No one from school ever came out until they left town and many people talked as if they were just confused. There is a publicly out couple in the town, but as such everyone knows where they live and comments about them as gay first and people second.
There's not really a moment where everything suddenly became fine for me. No moment that I "realized" it's okay to be gay. It was more the emotional onslaught of loneliness and all the emotions that come with repressing yourself. It's so much better now though.
So far I'm still taking things slow in coming out, but so far the responses from those important to me has been overwhelmingly positive. My mom hugged me and told me she wants me to be able to tell her everything. She made sure I knew that there's never been anything wrong with me. My sister cried that I went through all of this on my own and didn't let anyone past this wall until a couple years ago.
I'm still scared of telling my grandparents even though I am reassured by other family that they don't think being gay is a choice, which is at least something to work with if nothing else. My dad though doesn't know and things don't look good on that front. We've never really had the same interests or bonded much, and I know he has a long history of being a bit of a bully. He still tells stories of his days working with a retarded person and teasing them. My sister doesn't even want me to tell him alone for fear of his reaction, but I feel I owe it to him... whenever I muster enough courage.
However things turn out though I can't back down from who I am. I can't sacrifice my chance at happiness anymore. My romantic heart has bled all it's willing to. I'm here and I'm queer!
Well I've babbled on long enough. One more thing y'all will surely notice about me is that I am long-winded on the internet. I've always had a knack for writing and I don't like being misunderstood, so I choose words fairly carefully. I am really excited to be here with y'all and so thankful for those who keep this place going.
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Gemini
to the forum.
