Dilemma

[livingproof]

So basically, I am in a real dilemma. I am introverted and I have trouble meeting gay people. The LGBT group on my campus is really cliquey and I'm afraid I'll meet the wrong people (meaning just the guys who only want sex) at gays bars. I'm 21 and I've never had a real relationship. I really hate this...I don't want to force anything either. Any advice?

Shuckle just because

[Aeneas]

who are the "wrong" people?

[livingproof]

I guess I mean people that are just looking for sex. I'll edit that.

[pellaz]

who are the "wrong" people?

even the most hideous incorrect person can teach you a lot. Love your self.

[livingproof]

Oh I know that pellaz. I had a friendship like that. But loving myself...that is hard....

[HomeagainNYC]

Try volunteering to work for your LGBT community center or any LGBT organization in your area. That should give you a start with people who are community minded.

Best of luck.

[Aeneas]

I guess I mean people that are just looking for sex. I'll edit that.

this it?


fortunately for you, i have the medicine for that.


its quite simple really.


just tell them no.


or,

if you actually like the person, tell them you did and, because of this, you would like to get the chance to get to know him better. give him your number. if he waits for you to be ready, and if he calls, you might have a winner.



no one can do anything to you that you won't allow; and there are all sorts of people to be found in clubs.



in time you will learn to distinguish between people at clubs; knowing who to avoid before they even open their mouth.


my last BF, whom i met at a club, wanted sex right away. he asked: "so what do we do now?", after we left the place. i said: "i like you, so i dont want to rush things". and it was OK.

[Lalo]

I came out back in the stone age when I was in college, and also 21. I was just like you at the time- very introverted, shy, and unsure of myself. But I worked up my nerve and I went to the LGBT Center on campus. (Actually back then we just called it the "Gay" community center-this was before the days of inclusiveness) I told them that I was just coming out and that I wanted to go to a gay club. To make a long story short, we went, I got hit on by a couple of the guys from the center as well as a bunch of guys in the club, and I developed some social connections. Handling someone making an unwanted pass at you is part of growing up. Besides, if you limit your social life because somebody might hit on you for sex, you have to remember that you are also preventing the guys who you WANT to hit on you. The connections that I developed through the LGBT center led to social events and parties and THOSE are where I met some wonderful people, as well as my first boyfriend. Soooo.... although it can be uncomfortable, and even though you might have to deflect a few passes, you can't have a social life if you refuse to be social. So my advice is to bite the bullet and put yourself out there. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck!

[zeon]

Hello
The best advice in life is live life to the full and enjoy it... Dont worry about relationship because eventually tyhe right one will come but however why not try some dating websites and remember if someone is a cherap whore looking for a shag u do have the power to say no im not your standard sorry and walk away... I met my boyfriend on gaydar and we hit it off right away yes i hesistated over the relationship inside because i didnt wanna be hurt and was scared to fall in love again but i let myself go and im glad that i did because its rare u meet a genuine one but im a beliver in

u gotta work your way through the pricks to find a rose

kindest regards

aunty zeon xx

[livingproof]

Thanks everyone so far! And Zeon, I actually have tried a bunch of dating sites. Not gaydar though. Isn't that a hookup site?