My Sister in law

[quixote87]

I absolutely hate the woman that my brother married, she is a manipulative hypochondriac that hides all her horrible ways behind a sweet smile and chipper voice. I can't stand that my thoughts on her have to be secret when I am around her just because my brother is married to her. My entire family talks about how bad she is for him but he is just poisoned by her that he believes that she is the only one who will ever love him and she got magically pregnant each time he's had thoughts of leaving her, so they have two kids that only he takes care of because she always has a headache and can't handle them. Don't get me wrong I love my nieces but they are around for the wrong reasons, children should be a product of love not fear of being left alone because the man you torture is fed up. Also she constantly bashes his passion for music and belittles him because that is what he is going to school for, always reminding him that she is the one that will bring in money, even though she doesn't have a job. She won't even let him do the things it takes to be successful in music, like go out there and promote the songs he writes by playing in a band. She thinks it takes him away from his fatherly duties and isn't fair to her. I am usually the person that freely speaks my mind and it eats me up inside that I can not just explode on her, which needs to happen in my opinion...

Thank you for letting me rant and rave, and for reading this, if you did LoL

[takopako]

yeah...she sucks. (not particularly useful reply)

[Lilitu]

Wow she sounds like really controlling bitch. But unfortunately the only one who can make the decision is your brother.
I feel bad for your neices if they have to grow up in a household like that.

[dfiant]

Have to agree with Lilitu.

Not much you can do about another person's choices.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Not much you can do about another persons choices. You can't change that.

And it appears you have the ability to change how you react to this situation (by keeping silent) but have no idea how to change how you feel about that situation.

I personally believe in blunt (and sometimes brutal) honesty. Granted the older I have become the more mellow I am, but I reach a point where I call a spade a spade to their face.

I am satisfied with saying my piece once and it allows me to change how I feel about a situation.

Would you be able to say what is on your mind in a semi-tactful manner once and find serenity and acceptance afterward? If so, you may want to express how you feel - once - and then let them do whatever.

I do not know how it works for you, but I have a long history with people and they know that when I say 'I'm only going to say this once' that that is exactly what is going to happen. Most who know me shut up and listen to what I say because they know that when I get to that point where I'm 'lecturing only once' that what I'm saying is very important and they would be wise to take my words in consideration.

If you are that type of person, now would be a good time to speak your mind (once) and let them know where the errors are.

I concur about the children. While when I think of children I'm wondering if they are best served with potatoes or stuffing... I do have enough of a heart to know (and a keen understanding through experience too) that this situation is all around bad for them to be raised in as it will set patterns for their future relationships which will more than likely be eerily similar to Mom and Dad's.

No child should accept the burden of being considered less than no matter the way they were procreated. I do hope you never, ever let them hear you voice your opinion on how children should come into the world. They did not choose to be born out of manipulation. They are still precious individuals.

And don't you ever let anyone know that I actually referred to children as precious, I have an image to uphold here .

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Seems to me you only have three choices:

1. Respect your brothers decision to marry her and but out.
2. Have a heartfelt 1-2-1 with your brother and try to get to the bottom of whats really holding them together.
3. Stay away from family reunions if she is winding you up so much.

JMV

ObW
X

[pellaz]

be the bigger person and ignore the bad be there for your brother and his children.

[Maverick]

She is a clone of my ex-wife...

[cardiganwearer]

I have known people who irritate the shit out of me and with whom I wouldn't want to spend more than the absolute minimum of time. These people are married with loving partners and happy children. The only way I can explain this to myself is that such people have redeeming features which don't surface in the type of interaction I have with them but do feature strongly within their families (there is a possible alternative explanation, namely that I'm a truly awful person and I get what I deserve. But that's too terrible to contemplate.

You can never really know how other people behave and interact when you're not there to see them. She was your brothers choice, she's family now, best practice smiling.

I could suggest a reason why your brother married her, but some thoughts just can't be unthought.

[Rainbowmum]

All you can do is be there for your brother.

Sometimes people stay in horrid situations because they do not have the support the need to leave.

I really feel for you , she sounds like a piece of work.