Question to my lesbian girlys!!!

[unkown21]

Hello all, I am hoping that I posted this in the appropriate folder.

So I have this friend of mine that is a lesbian, and she is a sweetheart. But she can be very reserved and I was going to ask her this, but she is the type that gets like super embarrassed when you ask her, well anything that she might be shy about. Idk she is weird like that. lol. Okay first and foremost, I dont want any one to be offended, thats, the last thing i would want to do to anybody on here, but im just curious about this subject because I dont understand it, and would like to try and understand it. Just as many on here that arent trans like me, dont understand where my heart is and how it is to be trans. So with that said, this question is about the more masculine lesbians out there and me trying to understand where their hearts are. My girlfriend that is lesbian, goes by a male sounding name, wears mens clothes, and underwear and mens cologne, and she even goes to the barber shops and gets her hair cut short like a mans. She is very cute and pulls it off well. She also wears like a ace bandage around her breasts to flatten them. Where my question comes in to play, is obviously those women, like my friend i just mentioned are women, and my friend states that she loves being a woman, and she states she wouldnt have it any other way. But why does my friend, and other lesbians out there alike, try so hard to look like a man? She doesnt consider herself a trans like me at all, and never will, but I mean when i first met her, i thought she was a guy until i heard her talk. I know gay men sometimes have the feminine gestures and even speech and what not, but they dont wear womens panties and wear bras, and dresses. Like I said, I hope im not offending any one on here with this, I was just curious about it, and thought that there is no better place to ask then on here. And I dont want you to think that im saying all lesbians are more masculine, or every lesbian couple, has a masculine partner involved. I was just curious is all. And I know that I may not be able to understand it, because im not like my friend. Just as I wouldnt expect any of you to know what its like to be trans. I have a co worker that I told that was very supportive and happy for me when I told her I am trans, but she didnt understand why i felt the need to be female, rather than the gender assigned to me at birth. So what do you all think? (I would like to hear everyones input)

Huggs, and lots of Love!

[ZackT]

Jesus christ, there was like, 6 lines of words before you finally got around to asking your question, which was. Paragraphs man, use them. Makes it a lot easier to read posts when you don't have a giant wall of text to sort through.

"Why do some lesbians act like, look like men even though they are happy being women?"

I have no idea. I guess it would just come down to personality, maybe the same reason why some gay men act a lot more like a woman than a man.

[Miles]

Maybe they're not trying to "look like a man." Maybe they're just trying to wear clothes and cut their hair in ways that they feel comfortable with and looks good on them, instead of just adhering to stereotypical women's dress and style and behavior. And it just happens to align in many ways with how most men look and act. In some cases there may be an element of deliberate eschewing of prescribed behaviors/dress, but I dunno.

One could also argue that in general nowadays it's easier for women to get away with dressing "like men" than the other way around. What men tend to wear is usually seen as "neutral," whereas usual women's clothing and behavior is put in a separate class - "real men aren't supposed to wear that or act like that, that's for sissies and women" (there's an equation there). That said, of course it happens anyway.

And let's be clear here, it's not just lesbians who do what you describe - one of the "butchest" girls I've met identifies as straight.

I'm sure some of our lesbian/bi/straight female members can provide better insight.

[Pix]

She does sound transgendered to me (which isn't to be confused with transsexual).

That said, disclaimer: I'm just me. I was once called a boi but actually that was just me underdeveloped for awhile (I had delayed puberty more or less until I was 17 and had an odd growth spurt where I gained a couple of inches and filled out a little when I was close to 22), so I was androgynous (and up until I was 22 it wasn't unusual for me to get carded just to see an R-rated movie), and very tomboyish. It's true I wore my hair short but having an athletic lifestyle that was just easiest, and I learned that growing up in Texas heat (especially in cars without AC or back of trucks). I didn't actually identify as being a boy and considered myself a girl (if forced to choose), and as I got older my feminine side asserted itself a bit more.

But then I got with a stud (sometimes called "A-G" for "aggressive") who was so masculine that I jokingly called her "mister" and "sir." Though she had long hair (much longer than mine at the time) she still came off as masculine (her hair made me think "samurai" for some reason), especially with her toned muscles & tribal tats and years of martial arts experience. She also acted a lot like a stereotypical guy. But while she did flatten her breasts at times she said that was just for protection (talking maxiguard vests, sports bras, and chest guards) rather than trying to look more masculine and wasn't the least bit shy in all her feminine beauty (beneath stud exterior). Also, for what it's worth, we were both versatile in bed and it's my understanding that plenty of studs are and don't appreciate women who think they don't want to be touched as a woman and thus try to be "pillow princesses" with them (that is don't reciprocate).

And the way she (and some other studs) described being a stud was the disclaimer, "We don't act like men, we act masculine (there's a difference)." They don't feel feminine but they recognize they're women, and they're ok with that. Dressing & acting masculine is more of a style than a gender-identification.

That said most of them prefer femmes rather than other masculine lesbians, and when I dated her she insisted I became more femme (and thus no longer a boi). Interesting enough plenty of femmes are much more willing (even desiring) to date other femmes than masculine lesbians seem willing to do with masculine lesbians (and as a result it seems harder for the masculine lesbians to find someone).

And strictly my opinion (I believe many studs and other masculine lesbians would disagree with me, but I think this is more subconscious anyway), I believe some women (not just lesbians) embrace a more masculine style as they find it liberating and empowering to shed off the expectations of femininity, especially in a society where women tend to be perceived (including by many women) as trophies to be won while men are the ones who win trophies (a subtle but important difference in that a trophy is defined by the one who wins her while the trophy winner is seen as superior as he earned her and effectively owns her), and so by embracing a masculine style (as opposed to "being a man") they make themselves into winners instead of prizes as well as freeing themselves from a lot obligations so they can just be themselves (not all women want to do domestic chores or hold down their burps while men get away with it right in front of them all the time), and perhaps even as a way to embrace safety (as women are generally preferred targets of violence). Again, that's my guess.

[unkown21]

Very good points miles and pix, that makes sense to me.