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Grindr
#1
Is it possible to be addicted to it? would it ruin your relationship if you knew your other half was constantly online?


i had this experience with a guy whom i started dating last year: aside from the silly arguments partners have every now and again, the relationship was going well. we had a great time together most of the time and i believe he was very much into me, and i liked him a lot.

so at one point he upgraded his dumb phone for an S3 and given a big fight we had had months before over his profile on MH, I told him in no uncertain terms that Grindr would not be adorning his screen of icons.

time passed and one night i became suspicious whilst going to a party at some friends house and decided to create a fake grindr account... and there he was ... real pic and everything. i did not confront him that night, i decided to wait and do my own thing for a few days to see what was really going on. i added him as a fav and realised he was online quite often. so i finally decided to send him a message with my fake account - and alas he replied with his email address.

so i visited him at his house the following day whilst pretending nothing was going on - on the contrary i was all over him. he, however, was less than impressed about me being enigmatic and somewhat detached for the past two days and i knew it would be a matter of minutes before the argument started. and started it did. after he was done complaining about not knowing where and with whom i was spending my time with, i showed him his grindr picture. he then elaborated on a conspiracy theory that *my* friends had created that profile in grindr to set him up. of course, i had the email. and he had to admit.

so we split for several months. recently, however, we bumped into each other at several parties in town and began seeing each other again. i thought he had learned his lesson...

curiously enough, though, he has not. he KNEW i would be suspicious about it, he KNEW i had a way of tracking his activity yet after we returned from a weekend trip together there he was again on grindr.

and the story repeats itself. i said nothing, did my own thing one evening after i saw he had spent the whole afternoon online. he then got mad at me when he found me at a nightclub later in the day. when i saw him i went to hug him and be with him but he was upset that i had not invited him over to my house and had failed to tell him what i had been doing. except that *this* time i confronted him and asked him if he wanted to be with other boys. and he said *yes*. i will never know for sure if he was serious or just mad at me. he did pursue me often, spent great time together and demonstrated jealousy when i was not around; but he just couldnt let grindr out of our lives. in any case, its over.

i understand grindr is an app to find casual *SEX*. am i wrong here? is there a place for Grindr in a relationship?
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#2
you have to totally trust your significant other for a relationship. Dont see this happening here.
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#3
I tried Grindr for one week, didnt find anything but thugs and lowlifes. Most looked like they never came into contact with soap, water, OR a toothbrush!!!! Gross. I discontinued VERY quickly.

This guy has an obsession. And Im not talking about the fragrance from Calvin Klien either.

Either he will suffer the long lasting effects of this obsession by shunning people in his life over technology..........or he will get bored with it at some point.

Regardless of which occurs, I would suggest moving on. People with obssive behaviors tend to be untrustworthy, only in the sense that they cannot be trusted to do anything they say they will do.

Move on.
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#4
pellaz Wrote:you have to totally trust your significant other for a relationship. Dont see this happening here.

well thats not the point.


i told him i was uncomfortable with grindr.


is it too much to ask to get rid of it? that is the point. is it too much to ask him to help me out with this particular trust issue?
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#5
I have never seen Grindr. I understand it is a 'dating' app which dating doesn't mean movies and dinner but raw sex, usually casually, usually one night stands.

Sex addiction is a real deal, just like alcohol addiction, heroin addiction, meth addiction. An addict won't quit until they understand that they have a problem and seek help.

There is nothing another person can do to 'help' an addict who is in denial. Interventions do not work, all they do is drive the addict to hide his/her addiction and lie even more.

I personally will not stay with a guy who keeps grindr or other dating type websites/accounts. But then my last relationship I wasted 12 years of my life believing I was in a monogamous relationship when in reality he was out having casual sex with at least 10 guys a year - most likely a lot more than that.

I am a hard nosed monogamist and want the same in return. I do make it clear at the very start that that is what I want. I personally do not see room for a 'useless' app when one is in a monogamous relationship.

Now if you have an agreed upon open relationship that is a different story, and how useful Grindr and other such sites are to that depends on what the couple agrees upon FIRST.
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#6
MisterTinkles Wrote:I tried Grindr for one week, didnt find anything but thugs and lowlifes. Most looked like they never came into contact with soap, water, OR a toothbrush!!!! Gross. I discontinued VERY quickly.


Oh? Really - so where do I find this gridr thing, these sound like my kind of guy :biggrin:Xyxthumbs
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#7
Aeneas Wrote:well thats not the point. i told him i was uncomfortable with grindr. is it too much to ask to get rid of it? that is the point. is it too much to ask him to help me out with this particular trust issue?
Yes it is the point, even tho you dont admit it. not trust no relationshop

My partner is very uncomfortable with my driving but dosnt affect our relationship
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#8
pellaz Wrote:Yes it is the point, even tho you dont admit it. not trust no relationshop

My partner is very uncomfortable with my driving but dosnt affect our relationship


you are not corresponding with naked torsos when you drive, now are you?
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#9
Aeneas Wrote:i understand grindr is an app to find casual *SEX*. am i wrong here? is there a place for Grindr in a relationship?

Yes there is a place for Grindr in some relationships - just not in yours. You drew your boundaries, he crossed them. You ended the relationship, twice, so I think you answered your own question.
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#10
Seems addiction is likely. I've heard of some crazy porn addiction, for example one guy melted his own computer with porn (and viruses) and was so out of control that he immediately went to do the same to his wife's and (preteen) daughter's computer, and the several hundred dollars or so to get all the computers working again was the least of his problems from the fallout that followed. And I've heard of plenty like that, it's just that's the most extreme one I recall and convinces me it's not that some guys will try to "sneak a peek" but rather they are hopelessly lost in addiction, like a hardcore drug addict.

So apply that to Grindr which I understand has porn elements AND that it promises one night stands, then I can see it having at least as much power of an individual as porn.
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