What I mean by over-speculation is this: Because it is so hard to know who is gay and who isn't, when I do find someone who is gay, I automatically go this unhealthy place of "Oh well I HAVE to get to know them because if I don't, then it will be hard to find another gay person to be friends with/maybe have a relationship with." I don't live life because I'm afraid I'll never find someone, that I'll end up lonely like I am now...It is really bad...any advice?
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Stop it.
I know piss poor advice. But ultimately you are the only one who can change this around.
The how? Honestly I do not know. I do know I used to have that minor problem way back in the last century. I eventually grew out of it on my own.
You are 21 years of age by the time you have repeated every day you have lived to this point, you will only be 42. That means you have a lot of very good years ahead of you, more than enough time to find the right guy, not just any gay thing.
Love is not a race, there is no finish line to finding a good relationship. It happens on its time (not yours) and in truth the more you hunt for one, the more elusive those relationships become.
Indifference to the dating thing appears to bring more men than being desperate.
Besides which, I suspect there is a lot more gay guys in your general area, its just that they don't act gay and don't carry signs.
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Stop worrying about who's gay and who's not. Thats kind of shallow and bigoted if you ask me.
Start looking for decent people who can be your friends. What does it matter who thier dating preferences are?
If you specifically just want to hang around the gay community, then do some volunteer work for local organizations....food pantries, AIDS hospices, visiting old folks, helping people out at home who might not can do everything on thier own........
Stop having a pity party and start DOING something about it.
A good friend of ANY kind is better than a bad relationship.
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I found I stopped thinking about who is gay and who is not once I was really okay with myself. When I reached that conclusion, I had accepted I was gay, and I was okay with it (Those are two very different things, by the way. Accepting a part of yourself doesn't always mean you are okay with it). I was lonely, but I had good friends to spend time with, and being on my own was another thing I had to be okay with. I could go to a bar, look around, and think, "In this moment, I am okay. I'm not stirring shit up, making a scene, flirting with anything that stands when it pees, I am here, and I am okay."
Being in a relationship doesn't make you complete, only you can complete yourself.
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Mr.tinkles, I simply meant it is hard to identify the gay population from normal people, BECAUSE there is a large array of different gay people.
Otherwise, thanks everyone 
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if this is your concern wait until you end a relationship....
they will tell you that "there are other fish in the ocean" and stuff like that...
but in the totality of fish you need to discard straight men, women, weirdos, those who aren't into you, those you don't like for X reasons, those who are not sexually compatible, those who don't live in your area....
you WILL feel your ex is and was the only one fit for you; and it may take years before you find a suitable replacement. its the most depressive, frustrating feeling yet.
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My problem with younger guys is my age. I grew up and became homosexual long before the word gay was invented. I simply loved guys and always hung around with them. I grew up on the upper end of Manhattan Island in NY. They were tough gang neighborhoods and I was considered very tough. No one ever dared to bully me. I had a reputation as a nice guy and very easy to talk to. I was nonjudgmental so guys talked openly to me about sex.
Every so often, I met a guy who liked me in a sexual way. I always advanced and tried to score. I did great. I had a lot of good looking boyfriends my whole life. Some were gay, some were straight. I never cared. I simply fell in love with good looking guys and did great. i have no memory if they were particularly gay. Most, in fact, were straight and gorgeous. Not ugly guys like Justin Bieber. I had good taste in guys.
Why bother looking for gay guys. Find a guy you like and let him know that you like him. I said that to straight guys and got no where. But all seemed flattered by my interest in them. If I guy said he liked you, wouldn't that cheer you up. I had a lot of straight friends and felt great with them. Enlist in the marine corps. You will find some great looking men in the corps. Marines are always looking for a few good men. That's my motto. I like men. Oddly enough, I never had a lover who seemed gay. I had a great bunch of lovers and they had hard muscles, the way I like muscles to feel. Everyone knew when I was hard. It was a great form of advertising. Look at me, I am hard for you. Most guys like the idea of being liked by other men.
You are over speculating. find a nice guy and tell him you adore him. Most guys like to be admired. I never got threatened or rejected meanly by guys. Some guys were not interested and I continued to the next guy. Relax and enjoy yourself. A guy who feels relaxed and easy is easy to like.
There is too much gay bullshit these days. Men have loved men for thousands of years. You are not expressing a new point of view. You would have been drafted by Alexander the Great. gay guys were great fighters. We are the only guys who ever conquered the entire known world before strange religions showed up and made us feel self conscious. Try Tai Chi, it will relax you. You will feel the energy running through your body. Pretty soon, another guy will notice you. Open your lips and French kiss the guy. Kissing is a traditional way for guys to have fun.
Don't ever feel guilty. God invited some men to be gay and I am glad God felt that way about me.
Good luck.
John
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livingproof Wrote:Mr.tinkles, I simply meant it is hard to identify the gay population from normal people, BECAUSE there is a large array of different gay people.
Otherwise, thanks everyone
:O I think maybe you have something backwards, lol :O
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You know what I mean........"straight population".
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Over-speculation
