Bug Chasers

[Geminize]

I can only say I am in shock reading this and watching that video. I had no idea about this issue. People can believe the strangest things, despite any amount of contradicting information, if their social circles support such beliefs.

This just brings home that as far as STD's are concerned, when you sleep with someone you are sleeping with all their previous sexual partners. Sobering. Be safe everyone!

[ToddYoung]

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP JUDGING!

I have been living with hiv for more than 20 years - (and i've worked in group therapy, education and outreach program - so i think i can speak to this subject with a bit more perspective than those bashing folks who identify as "bug chasers." (Note: i contracted the virus from a partner who had the virus but never told me till after i was infected - he told me he was afraid i'd not date/love him if i knew - something that's not uncommon among alot of poz guys who are villified online and in public).

First, some guys who go out of their way to TRY to contract hiv, are displying a self-destructive pattern of behavior. The cause of that behavior can ONLY be determined by a qualified mental health professional - not folks sitting in judgement on a website.

Great, you wouln't knowing seek out poz sex partners with the goal of contracting hiv. Excellent. But again, unless this is an issue that directly impacts YOUR life and health - don't judge.

Another reason some gay men go out of their way to get infected, is because they think that after they get infected, they can just relax and let go of the anxiety that comes with the "are you poz or neg" discussion with potential mates/dates. Again, as twisted as it may seem to you, some guys have more anxiety about getting infected and being able to be intimate - than the fear of what having hiv might do to their lifespan or overall health.

Now, alot of younger guys - and just google the HIV rate among gay/bi men in their 20's - especially black males - and you'll see that many of those infected are on the "down low" and so they are hiding in the closet and finding sexual outlets at places and with guys they will never see again. Also, many demographic groups have underlying issues with using condoms. You'd be amazed!!!! These guys on the DL don't meet men at gay bars - they go to bathhoues, bookstores, cruise locations and engage in sex - without much thought about safer sex.

Now, there's also a LARGE group of guys who, because they didn't see a whole generation die (like those of us who were infected in the 80's and 90's - when the "cocktail" used to treat HIV wasn't available. NOW, there are dozens of combinations of meds that can keep the virus in check and in most cases, allows a person to live a normal lifespan. So, because hiv is no longer a guaranteed death sentence (look at the hiv med ads on websites - they show hot, handsome, muscular young guys - who dont' look like they are "sick." Those ads are targeted to already infected folks - to let them know about treatment options. BUT, many guys see those ads and say, "Hmm, if i get it, i get it - i hate condomes and so, if i get it, i'll just go on meds...and then i don't have to worry about it anymore."

Again, this may not be you, but alot of younger guys (most of us have thought this in the past) think they are invinceable - so doing stupid stuff (like drag racing with strangers, driving 100mph on a motorcycle, drinking and driving - you see where i'm going with this, i hope) isn't uncommon.

In my 20 years being poz i've met or talked to MANY guys who would say after i told them my status, "it's cool, that's not an issue for me." I would say, "Well, it's an issue for me and i don't want to be responsible for infecting you - even if you don't care." THere ARE some positive guys who don't think twice about it. They think, "hey, i was upfront about my status, so he's making an informed decision." Either way, for me, disclosure is, was and will always be my philophy.

And the last group of guys who are "bug chasers" often feel that being poz is just another way to separate themselves from the larger gay community. In many ways, these guys look at being poz in the same way folks who get covered in tattoos and piercings think. It's an addition to their identity. They become part of a special and separte community - they become part of a group. Now, think about guys who are obese. They over eat, they don't show any respect for their health or body - and yet, they can find support and acceptance among other "bears" or members of the gay community who are also obese. We may not understand how a guy could "knowingly do that to himself." He must know that he can die from heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and/or stroke - right? Well, some gay men feel that way about hiv. They then are "accepted" into a group of poz guys and not judged because they are poz.

Now, that brings me to my final point. JUDGMENTALISM IN THE GAY COMMUNITY!

Nothing pisses me off more then when a guy uses the word "clean" to describe either THEIR STD status, or what they are looking for in a date/mate. CLEAN? I'm "dirty?" Do you konw how that sounds? Do you know that it's the use of words like that ..that STOP gay/bi men from getting tested every 3 months? They test negative ONCE, and then say to anyone who asks, "Yep, i'm clean, i was tested." It may have been 1, 2 or 3 years ago - but because they FEAR being thought of as "dirty" that they don't get tested. So, in many ways, the gay men who villify poz guys are actually doing more to INCREASE HIV infection - than lowering it.

You don't want to date a poz guy? FINE. Be honest with him and say just that. But, do me - and my fellow poz guys a favor - and take the word/term "clean" out of your profile.

And, one more thing. NO ONE IS PERFECT! We all make mistakes. We all know = or have heard stories of - a guy who was out at a bar, had 1 too many to drink, hooked up with a guy and was too drunk to make an informed decsion about safer sex - and got hiv or an std. It happens! We also know guys who, like me, get in a relationship with a guy who either lied about his status or lied about his last test - and gets infected.

Did you know that according to the CDC, 25-30% of all sexually active bi/gay men are infected with HIV but don't know it? So, next time you're at a gay club, look around. Count ten guys, and know that statistically, 3 of those 10 have HIV and don't know it. .....and YOU DON"T KNOW WHICH OF THOSE 10 GUYS those 3 might be.

So, be a bit more caring with what you say and how you treat hiv poz guys - whether you know they are poz or not. Set an example. Get tested every 3 months if you're sexually active (even if you're practicing safer sex) - because there's no 100% protection from hiv besides absinance.

Hope this helps and puts things into a bit more perspective. Have empathy for those who "chase" hiv. But don't judge them!

Thanks for this. I think you make a couple of really good points.

Firstly, the need for belonging/acceptance is a basic human need. So I can understand how people might want to be part of a group. It's simply that I wish people understood what belonging to this particular group might entail.

I can also see how the word "clean" might come across as offensive, though I've never considered this before. I might have even used in my writing, but will make an effort not to do so in the future.

[rover330]

speaking for myself, I agree with ya'll that it is pretty much nuts to expose oneself to HIV intentionally. I remember the days when it was a different scenario dealing with it than it is now.

there was a day when it was a lot more serious... it wasn't taken so lightly and as someone had mentioned it shouldn't be taken lightly or as something blase... yeah, I lost a lot of buds and to see it taken so lightly now is insulting.

Having said that, I believe that smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, which I do, is also really stupid in terms of taking care of your own health.

If you are making love to someone they should always be made aware of your HIV status, or any other STD... b4 ya'll get down' and dirty in bed... or at least wrap your junk up man. I remember a time when if you had both tested neg and had been monogamous for 6 months you could forget the condoms at that point if you continued to be monogamous. Don't know if they are still saying that.

at the same time, if you're neg and your partner is poz after a few years you might start to feel some sort of feeling that you want to go through what he is with and experience it with him. it's not rational but it's empathy.

humans are not always rational... and men think with their dicks after a couple shots

[Spades]

Anyway, I don't mean to derail, I'm just saying it makes me wonder if some don't want HIV "for the attention" as well as the other reasons given.

It also occurred to me that bug-chasing might be a form of Münchausen syndrome, where the chaser is looking for attention, sympathy, and comfort.

[rover330]

survivors' guilt might also be in there somewhere too...