"you don't look gay to me"

[Mattlj92]

I've found it often comes with "you don't act gay" which is even weirder.

[mihai]

i have lots of str8 friends. when one of them says i'm gay, they all go like ''how come they go out with you? don't you have agay circle of friends?'' , i simply laugh and pat them

[pellaz]

We are not quite there yet but: when the gays assimilate, lost and gone will be a whole culture. Gone will be the gay bars, dance music and dates in your bf's Mazda Miata.

We have been the 3-8% of the population all through time and serve some sort of function perhaps as we choke on the population of billions and billions of useless straights.

[Chase]

Yeah people like that crack me up all the time.

[TomStatic]

I always take it as a compliment, would hate to be any stereotype

[Counselor]

I had a coworker (young, rambunctious) that dropped it on me (as a joke, I later learned) to ask "Counselor, are you seriously gay?" I answered, "Yes, and now you are one of three people here that know." This guy talked tirelessly, and my response shut him up for four hours. The next thing he said to me was, "But...you don't do anything gay." I told him I could think of at least six things I do that he would recant at any one.

[strangerrr]

Thanks for Tue thoughts. It has a good and a bad side though .
The bright side of it is that they would know gay guys come in different appearances, shapes, hair amount and sizes. So you can't say all gay men are fem or masc, but these traits exist.

Now this also leads to another stereotype; if you are gay and look masc, this means you are the dominant, the top guy in bed. Unfortunately this also exist among gays too, and this is very frustrating . When I had my profile on dating apps, although I indicated im bottom, I used to get "would you fuck me?" Msgs.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thanks for Tue thoughts. It has a good and a bad side though .
The bright side of it is that they would know gay guys come in different appearances, shapes, hair amount and sizes. So you can't say all gay men are fem or masc, but these traits exist.

Now this also leads to another stereotype; if you are gay and look masc, this means you are the dominant, the top guy in bed. Unfortunately this also exist among gays too, and this is very frustrating . When I had my profile on dating apps, although I indicated im bottom, I used to get "would you fuck me?" Msgs.

I think a lot of effeminate behaviors is to 'cue' others to preferred role in a relationship (and in bed). "Straight acting" or Masculine behaviors tend to cue that one is a 'top' or more dominate.

The term 'Butch Bottom' is used by straight acting gay men who prefer the more passive role (in and out of bed).

Out in the rural areas gays tend to be more 'straight acting'. I hate that term because there is no real act - just a guy being a guy. Urban gays tend to be more flamboyant. I think part of it is due to gays 'flagging' what they are to find other gays in dense population areas, another part is due to the greater tolerance urbanites have toward diversity and some of it due to 'signaling' your role in the potential relationship.

I have known 'upside down' couples where the more 'nelly' guy was actually the top and the more straight acting guy was the bottom. However the general belief was that the 'nellier' guy was the bottom. It was an immediate assumption by most people.

I think this ties in to our upbringing that femininity means one is the receiver and masculinity means that one is the giver. That largely ties in with genders and the roles they have to conform too.

Like it or not, most LGBT grew up in a 'straight world' where gender roles play a huge part of every aspect of life. There is a lot of gender programing still going on, from the moment one is born the doctor looks between the legs and your life is set in stone.

Boys get blue, girls get pink. A doll is brought for the baby girl, a piece of sports equipment is brought for the boy. Girls are allowed to express/show their emotions, boys are told to 'be a man'.... If a boy wants to play with dolls or have an easy bake oven - everyone get worried. If a girl wants to play sports, learn mechanics this is 'wrong' in the minds of others.

Such 'programing' affects all of us regardless of our sexual orientation.

[Genersis]

...
Boys get blue, girls get pink. A doll is brought for the baby girl, a piece of sports equipment is brought for the boy. Girls are allowed to express/show their emotions, boys are told to 'be a man'.... If a boy wants to play with dolls or have an easy bake oven - everyone get worried. If a girl wants to play sports, learn mechanics this is 'wrong' in the minds of others.

Such 'programing' affects all of us regardless of our sexual orientation.

This is true; but did you know?
Pink used to be the boy's colour(Blood, aggression, assertiveness) and blue for girls(Virgin Mary, purity, passive.)
...
Why do I get the feeling everyone here knows this already?

[partisan]

I read somewhere, and it was very convincingly put that the stereotype of Gay men as coy and effeminite is largley an invention of the last 100 years, maybe that's because we face less prejudice ,I agree with bowyen arrow I hate the term straight acting, etc we are a whole range of things Gay or straight ,and for me truth is the best things, even if one seems stupid