I have some questions...

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I think your over thinking this, which means not only are you over complicating your profile your also, perhaps unintentionally, targeting a very thin slice of the population as well. This means your excluding anyone either side of what your very specifically looking for.

Rule of thumb - no more than one paragraph, and even then only a few lines to introduce yourself, not a whole biography! And a clear face picture is an absolute must as it demonstrates to people that your genuine about what your looking for.

Bottom line is that you need to use the conversation/chat function to convey 90% of what you've written in the draft profile. Otherwise what are you going to talk about when you find someone interesting online....

ObW
X

[pellaz]

serious;
today it was difficult reading your profile; "young slim white men" statement.

anyways all this just my flawed honest opinion. Someone else will chime in with theirs. Pick the one you want.

First....if I am attracted to younger slim white guys

everyone is attracted to younger slim white guys but why would they be attracted to you? They are not. With 3-8% gay in the general population the dating pool is some what limited. Do you really want to limit your potential to find someone that much?
Work on the self love thingy than look in the mirror at your naked body; you want to find someone that looks like you. Significantly younger men are not attracted to you for the same reasons you are attracted to them.
if you have to use the urbandictionary.com to say good morning you are out of a reasonable environment. I am an expert, who could be wrong, but I have a 28 year old daughter from a previous straight relationship. A relationship is a lot of work, pick a path that is less maintenance. A relationship involves person compromise beyond belief as you your self love, financial and most important the dreams.

... Why do you have issues with the "similar qualities" thing? ...

in straight relationships (the other 95%) the couples have little in common. Figure what are the deal breakers but acknowledge a good fit is what differences can the partner bring to the table to complete the relationship so the two of you add up to more than just 2.0. People change a lot through time and your preferences are a moving target so a long term match is not possible.

[MisterTinkles]

If youre looking for just friends on these sights, then you are pretty much out of luck. I have yet to find any site like these where anyone was REALLY looking for friends and nothing else.

These are all pretty much booty call sites, period.

Out of all the years and websites Ive just been looking for a friend to hang with or run around with, I have NEVER gotten a response.

You would have better luck going to actual bars.

After so many years of wasting my time with that crap, I gave it all up.
My philosophy is "If someone wants to talk to me, they can walk on over and say HI".
Other than that, to hell with it all.

I have a friend who's pretty much a wanna be slut, and he's very forward. And he doesnt even meet very many guys that way....but he keeps on.

There's some kind of illogical dynamic going on that I have never been able to quite put my "finger" on, regarding all this stuff, and these kinds of sites. I mean, really.....WHY waste your time and money getting onto these sites if you ARENT going to try and make at least ONE friend? Its fine if youre on a sex site to find sex, but I find it offensive that most of these people get on the sites claiming to be "friends and no sex", and yet, its EXACTLY like the sex sites. Nobody responds to anyone else on there.

As far as what to say.....just be yourself. Keep your comments and answers short though....paragraphs tend to be considered "lectures" and usually run people off.

Other than that....its either be yourself, or be a player and lie about everything, as most of them do.

[fjp999]

You might want to try pof.com

PlentyofFish is amazingly popular and was actually recommended by one of my therapist. She said that I could find friends around our rural area on pof but as MisterTinkles suggest she was WRONG!

I really didnt even want or have the time for a friend/s... crisis in the family lasting over a year and on going but this one guy started emailing me... he actually seemed to want just to be a friend.

I explained that I barely had time to answer his emails (all thru the site) and he seemed to be cool with that. We talked about the crap I was going thru, some of his crap ...

The Christmas holidays near and so does the biz :O He starts asking me when he can come over :O If I wanted to join his friends for a night out :O If he can suck me off :O He is married with kids :O:O:O

I just asked, WTF happened there? didnt you get anything I wrote the past few weeks? I dont have time for even these messages, my mom is in the ICU! Are you human?

Soooooo, even in my small rural town there were a TON of gay/bi members... looking for various things in RELATIONSHIPS and many of them had longish profiles such as yours (my opinion is that your profile is longish but fine).

One good thing about pof is that it is FREE - most of the sites make you pay for some function. You can become a premium member and get access to specific info but it is not necessary to message to any member on pof.

They also have get togethers in groups at nearby large clubs or such... Wikipedia has a short, interesting article on them.

Of course mostly hetero, but a large gay membership.

And did I mention FREE

[Steve1860]

Hi fjp999,

I know how hard it is having your mother going through a bad medical condition. In '05 (which seems like yesterday), my mom got cancer and my sister and I had to take care of here while she died at home. this was just 2.5 years after my dad died. I know how that was and will never forget.

This guy was truly insensitive (at the very least). I am sorry that you had to go through ALL of that.

I appreciate your recommendation of pof. I AM looking to open myself up to friendship. I am tired of not knowing gay guys and being able to just talk to people of "my own king (gay men). After being a virtual "shut-in" for 11 years...especially the last 6, I have opened the door and there is allot that I am dealing with by doing so.

Yes, I would like a LTR, but that is no different than what I have wanted since I was 6 years old. I have carried that dream for all of these years. I am now trying to deal with allot or repressed issues that I never before truly realized was affecting me and my interaction when I am attracted to someone. It will be a battle that will take time, effort and help to get though. Having positive and constructive reinforcement is helpful and have the input of experienced people that know the things I never learned is important and helpful to me.

Thank you for being kind with your reply...thank you for helping me without judgement. Having the "love thyself" kind of "advise" is not helpful to me...at least not at this point. I am doing baby steps. I have a lifetime of self esteem issues that started at the age of 5 (as best as I can tell) with sexual molestation...and then it was added to by "getting caught" "playing" with other little boys fro the age of 6...going through stents of psychologists and "interrogations" by the school principle. Having relationships later on (teens - 20s), fail because of my self esteem issues. All of this has built up a pattern of self esteem issues. I have recently gotten through online friends and here, new information (for me) that has put allot of things in a new light. It is going to take time and talking about this stuff to get me to the other side of this. Yes, I am seeing a therapist...one of at least a dozen that I have had through my life. One thing I recently realized is that through all of the therapy and doctors, I have been treated for my symptoms and not the cause. It might sound strange, but because my symptoms were so severe and caused so much physiological pain and suffering that what the concentration was on to bring me to some level of existence that I could stand. I guess we never got to the point (or I wasn't ready) to deal with the cause of it all.

Now, in a very short amount of time, I have been virtually hit over the head with allot of information and input that I have never heard before...or at least realized if it was said in the past.

I am "a work in progress"...and this of course is bring up allot of difficult stuff. I want to get through it. I need the help of others that either have been through it or are empathetic enough to help me see things I never saw (put together) before because of flawed thinking.

I am sorry for all of these long posts, but it seems that I have sooooo much to say...and I just can't give short and concise responses. I am trying to express myself in a way that opens me up enough for others to be able to see inside to hopefully catch on things that I might not catch and bring them to my attention. It is a hard thing to hear some of this stuff. I AM trying to listen and learn. Just like most people, I don't like to hear things in a negative way...it naturally shuts me down. I am trying y best to hear and learn and put into action what I am hearing and learning. It is just unfortunate that it is coming so late after so much "negative" enforcement from years of bad experiences.

I hope this resonates with those that read this and I hope that some will be willing to give advise or personal stories that will help me to learn and change.

My best to you,

Steven