Did I sound creepy?

[kennyw429]

I'm still closeted, although I'm making some gay friends online and always ready to meet the nice ones. It was last year when I met this guy (around my age) in a dance class. I had a crush on him when I first saw him. He's been friendly with me too, and he'd said more than once that I was good looking (more in a joking tone though). There was one time when we chatted and I stood quite close to him (facing each other), as he responded, he held my right arm with both his hands. His body language gave me a shock. Because normally whenever I talk to a guy, my friendly gestures will always limit to giving a pat on his back or putting my arm on his shoulder. His action was just gayish to me.

Every time when I got home from the dance class, I kept thinking of him. I even had sexual imaginations on him. He's just the kind of guy I'm looking for. I tried to talk to him more often on facebook (I did not have his number at that time), and on one Sunday he told me he's going on a date (probably a girl? I wasn't sure). And in the dance class, our topics of conversation were mostly on gym, as he's going to the gym frequently (while I don't), and he always mentioned about watching girls around in the gym. And he also mentioned he joined the dance class so that he could meet more girls. I'm not sure if he said that just to make people think he's straight. I really hope he's gay, or at least bi - to give me some hope. I never asked him out for a one-to-one drink or movie as friends, because I felt awkward, and I wasn't sure if we had more things to talk about other than gym. Every time I just created the chance to talk to him by asking him about workout and gym matters. Often he'd also came to me to start a conversation, or teased me.

I stopped seeing him after I quit the class in October last year. And I deleted him from my facebook because I wanted myself to stop thinking of him. No point, as it would make me suffer psychologically if I kept missing him, assuming that he's really straight and I'd been overly sensitive. But I still like him a lot, and I still chose to believe he's interested in me but couldn't do anything as he's closeted like I am. I wanted to give it a last shot. So, I got his number from our dance teacher in January and I sent him long text messages. I wanted to find out if he's gay. But one "stupid" thing I did was I didn't tell him who I was. Unfortunately, he ignored me and didn't even reply with a simple "no, thanks." I showed my messages to 2 gay e-pals, and both of them said I sounded creepy and scared him away. Did I??? Here are the messages (on the same day):

First message (morning)
Hi Gary. We met before, and I like you. Friendly, and charming I had a crush on you when I first saw you. Like I found my dream guy. And I believe you don't "dislike" me either. I first hoped (or felt) you're gay, because of your mild flirtish gestures sometimes. But later I noticed you seemed to be straight. I'm not sure if your straight acting is just cover-up as you may still be closeted like I am. Can't tell you who I am now. I did once felt we clicked. Maybe my "gaydar" was wrong...
I swear to god this is NOT A PRANK. the reason i text you is to hopefully seek an answer on your sexuality. it'd great if what i feel about you is right, then we should start dating I believe we can make a good couple. but if i'm wrong, SORRY for this. i shall move on.
Gary, whatever being said here will be strictly between us, and kept as OUR SECRET. I just wanna clear the mist..
Hope you'll reply sincerely

Second message (evening)
Hi Gary, in case I made myself sound like a spam or conman.. I'm not! I am real, and we were friendly to each other. I sincerely apologise if I have offended you. Sorry. I didn't mean it. I just wanna make my first and last try. Just a simple "no thanks" will do if you want me to stop bothering you. If you just wanna ignore me, I can understand too and I'll take tonight 11:59pm as the cutoff line of all this.
Thank you and it was really nice knowing you. Never have I had such a strong interest in a guy since I came out to myself a few years ago. I thank you for that best wishes in everything!

Third and last message (night around 11.45pm):
Gary, this is my final msg, once and for all well.. either u'r not bothered by all this bullshit, or u feel insecure to tell the truth. being closeted, i know how vital it is to be discreet. i'm a decent, good person, not a psycho, and we came from different social circles, so i'll cause no threat. afterall we'll hardly meet. ur personality, self-confidence just attract me, plus ur physical traits especially ur small eyes, sexy smile and body height as a guy in late 30s, i only started seeking first love in my life now since knowing my true self. made some online gay pals but never met any1 yet, cuz' if i ever come out in person to someone, that guy must be really special to me. it could be u, even if u r str8 if this ever happens then u may say "oh, it's u! u r gay?" haha..
if u dont mind to keep in touch, we can chat on whatsapp sometimes. otherwise.. take care! goodbye!
l'm glad i tried

Would you respond to these messages from someone who didn't tell who he was?? I did imply that I was willing to let him know who I was, if he replied, or requested to meet. Or did I convey the message clearly in my text??

Should I really reveal myself to him, for a more effective and realistic approach?

Now talking about him again, I start missing him and feel like giving it a try again, in a different, better way if you can suggest any. HELP

[Hayden]

First of all, watch this:




I truly commend you for having the courage to make a move. That was good. We'll all die one day and it's good to take chances. However, the very nature of chances are that they may not go the way we want.

Now, is what you wrote creepy? Kind of. But only because you didn't tell him who you are. Also, for future reference, I would refrain from pointing out that you're not a psycho. I probably wouldn't respond to texts like that from a "secret admirer," even if I had a good hunch about who it's from.

If you're going to take the leap, then just take the leap and tell him who you are. He may not feel the same way, but you've gone this far. If he does feel the same way he'll probably be relieved to know it is indeed from you.

Good luck!

P.S.

Seriously, don't keep telling him you're not a psycho.

[Mike0]

Well I kinda react like you when I have a crush on a guy, but if someone sent me these messages I would think it's creepy. There's some thing you just shouldn't say when you text someone, especially when you don't know if he's interested in you. I think you insisted too much on how you were attracted to him, you gave too many details about how you feel etc..., And 3 messages in a day is too much, he might think you're a stalker or something. At least I would have thought that. And yeah you should have told him who you were, definitely, the fact that you're anonymous makes it... weirder?
I don't know what you can do now, maybe try to meet him in person and tell him everything... I mean not really everything just that you were very nervous when you texted him, and you're interested in him and want to know if he is interested in you as well.
This is just my opinion I'm no expert in relationship, but... I had a stalker haha, and I'm weird when I'm in love so I understand.

I really hope you'll have the opportunity to see him again, and at least be friend with him !

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I think you already know the answer.

He didn't answer because you freaked him out, and now he's either thinking someone is going to out him (if he is gay) or he's being stalked.

Not really a god way to start a relationship.

After the first message, and with no answer, well, I think you got the answer right there....

Move on, more fish in the sea

ObW
X

[MisterTinkles]

You should have kept it to the point, and made as much of a short statement as you could have.

Creepy? Yes, to someone who doesnt know you.

You might even say this is on the "line" of stalking.

When attempting to "meet" someone via electronic devices, it is best to say who you are BEFORE you start into how you are feeling.

Once you have identified yourself, then it would be best to just say something like "I think you are a nice guy, would you mind if I bought you coffee/lunch/snack sometime"? And just leave it at that. If he responds, fine. If not, well theres your answer.

One long message might have been ok.
Two messages like that can make someone nervous.
Three messages like that in one day can turn them off completely.

[Rainbowmum]

That would freak the heck out of me.
Please do not take this the wrong way , but your behavior was really creepy , borderline stalking.

Do yourself a favor and move on, he said he joined the class to meet women.

[oiramittedeneb]

...yes ._.
I think it is enough with just one message. If he doesn´t reply to the first one, I don´t see why he would respond to another one (and another one)

[kennyw429]

Thank you all for the comments! i did sound creepy indeed... hahah. i learnt a good lesson. I guess I was too desperate... for him and for his reply. Actually that was my second time doing it to a guy. the first time i did it, my text message (one time) was quite similar, and that guy replied instantly saying "hahaha, i am flattered but sorry mate i am straight." so with my first experience i thought my approach was alright, as i got the reply. sometimes i did wonder if Gary is gay, otherwise he would have just replied telling me he's str8, that way he could have just stopped me from sending my second and third messages after i knew the truth. or maybe he was really freaked out. lol.

[Undreamt]

I think the worst part would be that he would have no way to guess if it was you, he would have no idea how you got his number

[kennyw429]

LOL, you are right