How do I tell my roommate my true feelings?

[baseball89]

Thanks everyone!

[pellaz]

i think you should start dating other men. It would solve a few of your problems.

[baseball89]

haha I agree, I'm just kind of stuck on him right now

[pellaz]

if you tell him your gay and stuck on him and he is not out to himself, he will think that is the only reason you are interested in him. If he discovers you have a date he might be inclined to not think that way.

there are some benefits in being out as a gay man, avoid this type of junk.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Well the worst thing that can happen is you ruin a perfectly good friendship and he (or you) moves out.

Difficult as it may seem, you need to back off and have a think about the consequences here.

1. Can you afford to move out or rent the place by yourself?
2. Lots of straight guys can be very touchy feel, but it doesn't make them gay.
Do you guys move in the same social circles? Because if he's not gay and you come on to him, you can bet his next call will be to some friends, especially if he's like WTF....

My advice - for what its worth, is this. Sit him down and come out to him. Any discussion about you having the hots for him is way off limits at this stage. If he comes out and says well Im gay too, then you have a result.

If he becomes distant then you also have your answer, both outcomes need careful management.

ObW
X

[MisterTinkles]

Well the worst thing that can happen is you ruin a perfectly good friendship and he (or you) moves out.

Difficult as it may seem, you need to back off and have a think about the consequences here.

1. Can you afford to move out or rent the place by yourself?
2. Lots of straight guys can be very touchy feel, but it doesn't make them gay.
Do you guys move in the same social circles? Because if he's not gay and you come on to him, you can bet his next call will be to some friends, especially if he's like WTF....

My advice - for what its worth, is this. Sit him down and come out to him. Any discussion about you having the hots for him is way off limits at this stage. If he comes out and says well Im gay too, then you have a result.

If he becomes distant then you also have your answer, both outcomes need careful management.

ObW
X

I agree.

What gay guys DONT realize is that this new society has raised men who arent afraid to show their feelings. There IS a HUGE difference between a man who is "touchy feely" and a man who wants to do MORE than "touchy feely".

The days of "men dont cry" are pretty much over. And personally, I hate it.

If it bugs you that much to not know his intentions, then just sit him down and ask him.
Just tell him youre confused sometimes, because of his actions towards you.....is he just being a friend who isnt worried about all the BS and stereotypes about how men should be towards each other, or is he trying to "say" something to you by getting closer this way?

Keep it simple, and DONT make a big deal out of it. Just act like its just anohter "run of the mill" question someone might ask another person.

Once he answers, just say "Oh, ok..." and just go on about your business.

This will allow him to see Its "no big thing" to you, however he resonds to the questions, and gives him some comfort room, so he doesnt feel like he's been cornered.

If he wants to talk about it, fine, but just be careful and keep your answers as simple and straightforward as possible. Dont get all "mushy" on him....he could freak out on that.


If you handle this as its just another day thing.....you should be ok asking the questions.
Im sure he knows you wouldnt do anything to hurt him or "call him out", so just keep calm and generic about the whole thing.

[Aeneas]

the fish dies by the mouth.



aaah men. always giving into the temptation of opening their mouth and ruining everything.

just LET IT BE. time fixes everything. im sure a situation will present itself where everything will unfold.


and if you are only concerned about his friendship, then he is not a friend if he knows about your sexual preference and rejects you.

[baseball89]

I know he's bi not just because of the touchy feely stuff. I have seen an email that proved that. And I don't know the impact it would have on our friendship. It may not ruin it but it could create a very awkward situation. I feel like he's so against coming out or anyone knowing, which is fine, that he may be stunned that I would even say anything and go into denial. And of course I don't want to say that I saw an email because that could rub him the wrong way. It's a tough situation, at least for me. I don't want to ruin what we do have but I hate thinking that there may be even the slimmest chance for there to be more. I feel as though regardless of what he says about his girlfriend to me he likes the fact that he has her and comments that people used to make calling him gay, jokingly, have stopped.

Also, we do have the same friend group and hang out with all of the same kids so if things went sour then it would be a problem. I just don't know what to do.

[Rainbowmum]

Let it be and move on.
The man is in a NGZ .( no go zone)

[Undreamt]

What do you think he'd do if he "caught" you watching gay porn?

If things go badly then you can just make up an excuse, if he hangs around and starts watching it with you then you might have more of an answer.

I wouldn't judge by just one email.