Bondage

[kennyw429]

As far as I can remember, I was already into bondage when I was a small kid, having fantasies of tying up. I'm easily aroused by bondage pictures and videos, and I always tend to pick porns with guys being tied up, molested and finally ejaculating. Bondage without pain and torture, that is. Just basically domination that kind. I'm especially aroused by images of guys being spreadeagle tied up in bed. My childhood and life are ok all the while, without any bad and abusive experience. I wonder how this fetish of mine came about. Well, I do believe it became stronger after an incident in school. I was 10, and one day during lunch break I was chased by a naughty boy from another class out of no reason. When he caught me finally in an empty classroom, he grabbed me from behind and then grabbed my groin with his hand. At that moment I felt an instant sense of arousal, and although I struggled and finally escaped, that horny feeling lingers on in my mind till today. My fetish in bondage and domination became deeper since then.

Another incident was... when I was 24 and I had to go for a medical check-up for overseas university application. It was stated in the form that it required my groin or anus to be checked, sort of. When I went to a clinic for that, that old doctor asked me to lie on the bed, and as he checked on my abdomen and so on, all of a suddenly he just unzipped my jeans and pulled down my underwear and touched my balls and so to check on my anus, without informing me. I was shocked and humiliated by his rude and rough action, and I thought I was disrespectfully molested. But I didn't complain about it afterwards. That helplessly harassed moment however turned into a sexual fantasy to me. I can imagine feeling enjoyable being helplessly undressed and touched while lying down, like how the doctor did.

I've been using some gay dating sites and as I browse through the members' profiles, I can hardly find anyone who's into (painless) bondage, and many even mention it's a total turn-off to them. Is it ok to have soft bondage as my fetish? Or am I sick or perverted...?

[MisterTinkles]

You are not sick or perverted. Everybody has some kind of fetish, whether its really "vanilla" or hardcore.

I had a sex buddy once, he was into soft bondage. Although I dont get into any of that stuff, he wanted me to learn for him. So I did.

He liked to be tied down to the bed with phone cords, and then spanked with a variety of objects.
It didnt do anything for me, but he loved it.

Soft bondage is not something people talk about, simply because its supposed to be "standard" for gay men to be "into" that kind of thing....which we all are not.

For most people though, being tied up is something personal, and they only allow people they know and trust to do that to them.

It is a domination issue. Regardless of why you think you like it, some people like feeling helpless. This usually is an escape for those types of people who are always having to make decisions for themselves or others, or always having to be "in charge" of people or things. Being dominated and "taken advantage of" makes them feel more human in some respect.

And some other people just like being humiliated.
Go figure.

[SolemnBoy]

Ahah... awkward confession time.

I think bondage is really hot and I normally just prefer basic sex with no kinky stuff involved. Although like you said it needs to be pretty softcore and free of pain. I can't watch that kind of porn at all because it's always more than I'm looking for...

[EvenOlderButWiser]

to the real world

Everyone has a fantasy of some sort. Nothing wrong with acting on the softer, non destructive kind!

ObW
X

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You might actually get into light to moderate SM as well as the BD.

Of course the biggest thing here is 'trust'. This is not something you would do as 'casual sex' scene. BDSM in all forms requires a lot of discussion to all out contracts - so is best done by at least FWB.

Once you find the right guy, one who you can trust and who appreciates and understands limits you can explore more.

Now I know most of the porn out there shows what amounts to beatings, however a lot of the SM is far more mild, leave no marks.

The chemicals that are activated with pain do not need a lot of pain. Just the pain of a pin prick can be enough to trigger those chemicals.

Even the pain of a tens unit can be enough to lead to the pain pleasure cycle http://www.realitysandwich.com/pain_and_pleasure That bondage may actually be tripping the same triggers as the fear you feel of being helpless is 'pain' in a sense and chemicals are released.

Is it perverted? Yes this is perversion - however that is set in the traditional view point of what sex is - which according to the prudes its one man mounting a woman who herself lays there and doesn't move and doesn't enjoy sex.

Today we know that sex is far much more than an act of procreation and there can be a lot more too it than just missionary style.

In today's modern views and with open minded people, especially those who know abut such things as contracts and 'after care' they know that this is an advanced form of sex which requires far much more education and care.

As for finding a man who is just into tying you up... There are a few out there. bondage itself can be an art form.

[Lalo]

You might actually get into light to moderate SM as well as the BD.

Of course the biggest thing here is 'trust'. This is not something you would do as 'casual sex' scene. BDSM in all forms requires a lot of discussion to all out contracts - so is best done by at least FWB.

Once you find the right guy, one who you can trust and who appreciates and understands limits you can explore more.

Now I know most of the porn out there shows what amounts to beatings, however a lot of the SM is far more mild, leave no marks.

The chemicals that are activated with pain do not need a lot of pain. Just the pain of a pin prick can be enough to trigger those chemicals.

Even the pain of a tens unit can be enough to lead to the pain pleasure cycle http://www.realitysandwich.com/pain_and_pleasure That bondage may actually be tripping the same triggers as the fear you feel of being helpless is 'pain' in a sense and chemicals are released.

Is it perverted? Yes this is perversion - however that is set in the traditional view point of what sex is - which according to the prudes its one man mounting a woman who herself lays there and doesn't move and doesn't enjoy sex.

Today we know that sex is far much more than an act of procreation and there can be a lot more too it than just missionary style.

In today's modern views and with open minded people, especially those who know abut such things as contracts and 'after care' they know that this is an advanced form of sex which requires far much more education and care.

As for finding a man who is just into tying you up... There are a few out there. bondage itself can be an art form.

^^ Great response^^

I would just add one thing. The other important thing to remember is to not just be open with yourself and your own desires, but also to what your partner may like. So, you may like bondage, but it isn't necessary to find a partner who "likes bondage" as well. It is more necessary to find a partner with an open mind about sex and that you keep an open mind as well.

Sex is a give and take and is as much mental/emotional as it is primal/physical. So, yes you will find some guys who will look down their nose at you for what you like. Ignore them and move on. In my experience, those types of people make lousy lovers anyway!

[kennyw429]

yes.. TRUST is the word

[kennyw429]

^^ Great response^^

I would just add one thing. The other important thing to remember is to not just be open with yourself and your own desires, but also to what your partner may like. So, you may like bondage, but it isn't necessary to find a partner who "likes bondage" as well. It is more necessary to find a partner with an open mind about sex and that you keep an open mind as well.

Sex is a give and take and is as much mental/emotional as it is primal/physical. So, yes you will find some guys who will look down their nose at you for what you like. Ignore them and move on. In my experience, those types of people make lousy lovers anyway!

this is indeed inspiring. thank you so much!!

[Deedee]

Try reading 50 shades of grey XD maybe you'll know what you really want. or you'll discover something. well just an opinion though

[MisterTinkles]

Ahah... awkward confession time.

I think bondage is really hot and I normally just prefer basic sex with no kinky stuff involved. Although like you said it needs to be pretty softcore and free of pain. I can't watch that kind of porn at all because it's always more than I'm looking for...

Dirty, dirty, dirty boy!!!!