¿Is it "wrong" to find the idea of sex boring?

[oiramittedeneb]

I was not sure about opening this thread since I don´t really enjoy speaking about my sex life (and be sure that I won´t go into unnecessary details). Some users already sort of discussed this in another thread and it is a subject that most of my friends find puzzling as well. I´m not going to pretend that I´m not aware of it, but it is what it is ._.

Anyway, the issue I guess is that I find the whole idea (and practice) of sex somewhat boring. I´ll just point out that I don´t think I´m ill/sick or mentally blocked, and I do not have feelings against the idea of sex.

And, well, since I don´t have a sensation of been missing something I don´t usually put a lot of effort in dealing with this. So I´ll just leave this thread to see if you have any ideas.

[Chase]

According to the three Abrahamic religions, Buddhism, Jainism, the Cynics, and the Stoics, no. You aren't alone.

[Corsac]

People might find it odd but I wouldn't say its wrong, whether its wrong to you is a personal thing without others input. You could always explore asexuality and see if that matches how you really feel.

[MisterTinkles]

Nothing wrong with that. Aside from the rare occasion I am "in the mood", I find sex useless and dull.

I like to talk, hold hands, cuddle, and just be with the person Im with. I get more out of a long hug, than I do sex.

As I have stated in some other threads about similar subjects, there are MANY couples out there who have fallen in love, become a couple, and are living very happily without sex.

The media has made sex something its not, and Im one of the few people that dont believe all the BS the media, movies, and advertising world keep shoveling down everybodys throats.

You can be happy with someone without sex even being a part of the picture. You just have to find someone who feels as you do.

[Lalo]

Hmmm...interesting. First of all, let me say that what follows is PURELY my opinion, nothing more. If you don't like my opinion, that's fine. Just ignore it.

I have had a LOT of sex in my life. When I was your age I was a complete slut. And I do mean a COMPLETE slut. I was with men and women and couldn't get enough of either, although particularly men. I came out just before AIDS and gay society was in the tail end of the wild 70's/early 80's (God I am old!) . I played relatively safely and became more safe as time went on. I have been in a wide variety of situations with a very wide variety of men. Through it all, I have found the following to be true about sex:

1. It's all in YOUR head- And I don't mean that in a negative way. Sex is really kind of a game. Some of us have 'triggers' that get our imaginations going. Some of us don't. For me, one of my triggers is not about ME enjoying myself, it is about getting somebody else to release their orgasm. It is a game of sorts. When I was with women, I loved performing oral sex, because I loved to drive a woman crazy and give her multiple orgasms using my tongue and fingers. The thrill was NOT about me getting my rocks off. It was about driving my partner to release over and over again. I get the same thrill from causing a guy to lose it. To tease them orally, and then to drive them to the point of absolute abandon. Watching a guy get weak in the knees from the power of his orgasm drives me crazy. But for me, it isn't servitude or submissiveness to give head. For me, if I am being honest, it is empowering to feel like I have such control over their pleasure. Does that make any sense? I mean, giving head is giving head, but where some men would consider it a submissive act, I actually view it as the opposite. For me, that works and is a powerful aphrodisiac.

2. Find your flavor- Sex for me was boring at first, because I didn't really know what I liked. It seems like most media tells us that ANY sex should be enough to drive us all crazy with desire, just because it is "sex". In reality though, sex comes in more flavors than ice cream, and just like ice cream, some of those flavors you will like and others, well, not so much. For me, the whole power dynamic is an intrinsic part of good sex. I can be completely satisfied by a top who knows how I want to be topped and who plays the role in the right way. But I also like to be a top myself and love the feeling of taking charge in bed and directing my partner's orgasm. Some people only truly discover themselves in one role, and that is great. Others, like myself, need the variety. It's all good. But aside from "dominance" in sex, there are a million other "flavors" to try. Some people only get off on a particular color of eyes, hair, or skin. Some guys need a big dick to get them going. More than one guy has gone nuts over my uncircumcised cock because they have a fetish for it. Some guys like hairy, some like smooth. Whatever! The point is, if you haven't found your "flavor", don't give up. Just try something new. If all of your partners to date look a certain way because of some expectation you or friends have, then turn the tables and go for someone you might not normally go for. Try some other flavors!

3. The comfort connection- The last little tidbit I have, is being comfortable with your own body. When I first started fooling around with guys, I was so uncomfortable being naked around them that I couldn't relax... at all! Sex is NEVER good if you aren't relaxed. In my experience, most Mexican-American families are EXTREMELY conservative about nudity. At least, that was the case with myself and all of my friends. That can lead to a lot of insecurity about body image, etc. And trust me, if you are worried about how you look, there is NO way that you will enjoy the moment. Personally, my insecurities were left in the dust once I started going out to clubs alone and found out that a lot of guys found me attractive. That, along with greater security in my sexual skills, made me more comfortable in my own skin. And that is key to enjoying yourself in bed. If you aren't COMPLETELY relaxed in a sexual situation, you are just not going to enjoy yourself.

Okay...having said all of that, the truth of the matter is that you may not be all that interested in sex. Some guys aren't and that is completely okay. The fact that you are asking the question about it, says that it is at least somewhat of a concern, though. If that is the case, then try some of the things I have listed here. But don't think that you are somehow "abnormal" or anything, and don't listen to anyone who gives you crap about it. Ultimately, you have to find your own way through this. But don't give up on sex until you have allowed yourself to TRY some different things. Most importantly, look for a lover who doesn't just want to get their own rocks off, but one who wants to drive you crazy with desire. Then go from there.

If you have tried as much as you can...or if you have experimented as much as you are willing, and you still feel the same way about sex. So be it. I just hope that you at least try some things before you write it off.

Best of luck!

[Counselor]

I was not sure about opening this thread since I don´t really enjoy speaking about my sex life (and be sure that I won´t go into unnecessary details). Some users already sort of discussed this in another thread and it is a subject that most of my friends find puzzling as well. I´m not going to pretend that I´m not aware of it, but it is what it is ._.

Anyway, the issue I guess is that I find the whole idea (and practice) of sex somewhat boring. I´ll just point out that I don´t think I´m ill/sick or mentally blocked, and I do not have feelings against the idea of sex.

And, well, since I don´t have a sensation of been missing something I don´t usually put a lot of effort in dealing with this. So I´ll just leave this thread to see if you have any ideas.

I'm sorry I drew attention to this before...

And it isn't wrong, some people don't derive as much pleasure from sex as others, so don't worry about it.

[VileKyle]

You are allowed to think of sex any way you want, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If thinking of sex as boring is wrong, then you might as well think of gay sex as wrong. It's deviating from the "norm" of society's labels maybe, but there's nothing wrong about that at all.

[Undreamt]

I think of sex like sport.

If you have only played golf then you might think sports are boring. (All you do is spend a lot of time playing the field before finally getting something in the hole)

If you find a sport that better suits your tastes then it can be far more entertaining.

Do you like a slow game like pool (stretching across the table to score in what ever hole you desire) or something more fast paced like wrestling (need i say more).

[Counselor]

I have a direct question for oiram-... I can't spell it right now. Have you ever viewed sexual activity as base, animal, or somewhat lesser than what you are capable of as a human? It's not important, and you don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable (ie your Wheel of Fortune spelling technique for activities and body parts).

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sounds like a libido issue which may be tied into hormones.

Assuming your doctor has tested your hormone levels and there is nothing 'wrong' there, then the issue may be psychological.

Sex shouldn't be 'boring' - it should be fun, pleasurable and in most cases you should derive other emotional things from it, closeness, intimacy, connection with your partner. If these things are not happening then something is 'up'.

Is it 'wrong' - no not really, but it may be indicative of underlying issues - medical issues or psychological ones.

Sexual Anorexia comes to mind as one potential issue: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_anorexia

I do find it odd that a young man of 24 doesn't derive more than mere boredom from sex. I think your doctor would find it odd as well.

Thus again I suggest you speak to your doctor.