okay my ex and I split after he said he is not happy anymore. there are a few reasons he has fallen into a type of depression - lost his job, gained weight, family problems etc, being used by friends...but out of the blue he said 'i do not feel for you as i did' we both acknowledged that the depression may have done this but I can't tell as he is ignoring me and does not want to talk about it.
He won't answer my texts anymore on whatsapp, he just goes online to read them and stays on, but does not reply! it's been three weeks now. I've told him that if he does not feel romantically for me anymore at all, then please just block me on whatsapp as i can't be your friend. Still, a week later, he still has not blocked me as I still see if he is online and his last seen time stamp most of the time. I can't call around to his house as he may not answer. I don't know what to do... is it common for people with depression to ignore everyone? to just avoid problems? i JUST DON'T KNOW. I would rather be blocked than have this go on.
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People who have depression try and shut themselves away from the rest of the world as much as possible, just because your ex is reading your texts and whatsapp it isn't to say he's not doing the same to you. Does his family know that he is depressed? Maybe they can get through to him a little. Personally I don't think you're helping too much by doing this, you can either try and help/get him help or stop pestering him about your relationship.
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text him that you are going to bring some groceries. assuming the replay is not negative make a dvd of some video or music and food (all his fav stuff). nothing expensive, he might not take it.
if you want to do this or something fine, dont expect much
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why does he have to make the decision to "block" you from his life?
he has already had the guts to tell you he doesn't want to pursue the relationship with you any more - regardless of the effect his depression has had on the decision, its not an easy call.
if you delete his phone number or block him yourself you wont see him "online" any more.
and yes, depressive people have a tendency to isolate themselves.
you are better off just giving him time. the more you text him now, the lesser the interest he will have towards you, let alone go back into a relationship with you.
you see, he just wants to be left alone for the time being, and you are constantly nagging him on whatsapp. you might have good intentions but for him, at this time, you are a desperate little boy who is gagging to have him back - and he likes to know that you still want him.
ignore him for a month or two and he will write to you.
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you don't say how bad his depression is. But you may not know, depressed people can be very good in hiding it.
His breaking up with you may be his saying good bye.
If he broke up with you because of the depression, but he reads your texts/PMs, the best you can do is to keep sending them. Keep telling him what you like about him and your friendship, keep telling him how wonderful he is. It may be the right way to keep him alive.
If he doesn't like them, he can tell you or not read them.
Good luck
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He is in a not real good place and unfortunately what you are doing is probably the worst thing you can be doing right now.
People can't move forward until they admit they have a problem, and it is only then that they can begin to move forward.
He hasn't blocked you because he still values you as a friend, he hasn't replied to you because he is far to polite to say what he is obviously trying to tell you....'Leave me alone, I'm trying to deal with my shit.'
Some people just deal with their problems better on their own. Stop sending him messages and wait for him to contact you....could be weeks, could be months...but leave him alone.
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thanks for all this information. I really needed to see this from someone else's perspective. has been very frustrating being ignored. feels almost abusive but if he has depression to a debilitating degree then I can fathom the selfishness I am being subjected to.
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Yes depressed people isolate and also ignore other people and problems too.
Your sending him messages is torturing him. He clearly doesn't have the will to stop hurting himself by reading your most recent letter, but at the same time he most likely needs this to be 'over and done' so he can stop being hurt.
I do not get the whole 'lets be friends' after a break-up. If a couple can be 'friends' then why did they break up?
You both need alone time here, you both need to stop thinking about each other, talking at each other, and move on.
Let him go.
Send him one nice note that says:
I get that you do not want to talk to me. That is OK, I understand. I will not bother you anymore. Goodbye.
If he wants to be in contact let him contact you, if you want.
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