Dating website etiquette?

[Sport77]

So I decided that I'm ready to start dating. This is tough for me as I'm a late bloomer.

I stuck myself on POF the other day and have already gotten a few people that are interested in me and would like to meet. My question is dealing with people that you find incompatible? I think the right thing to do would be to post back a quick "sorry, not interested" What do you think?

I know there's always the person where when you see his picture, and being polite, I'd say there's just no chemistry there at all. Not to mention the fact that some guys who want to meet me are being very optimistic, or I'm just being negative.

For example. One: I have a dog (wouldn't mind another either) and the first three that want to meet me have cats! Two: I am social drinker in that I'll have a beer sometimes when I get home or have a glass of wine with dinner and friends,and again the person interested from POF won't touch a drop! Three: Even more frustrating would be the fact that the people that have contacted me live 1 1/2, 2, and 4 1/2 hours of driving time away from me??!!

I know that I'm not going to find another mirror image of myself in mind and body. Which isn't what I want anyway, and that differences in people are half the fun in finding a significant other as well. So far I see is a huge gas bill and me arriving very tired to witness a big dog/cat fight and probably needing a beer to deal with it all! Just kidding, but I think I've got my work cut out for me!

Thanks All! I really do love being here on GS!

[LateBloomer]

So I decided that I'm ready to start dating. This is tough for me as I'm a late bloomer.

Hey--!

This town ain't big enough for 2 Late Bloomers!



I was on Match.com for a little while.

If I was contacted by someone I knew wasn't "my type" I would send a very polite "Thanks, but no thanks."

This was met by 1 of 3 responses.

1) Ignored.
2) An equally polite thanks for taking the time to write me.
3) Some rudeness.

Everyone is different. Just be true to yourself.
Good luck, Have fun.

[HomeagainNYC]

I think you need to give yourself time to get into the flow of the medium you are exploring; since you have only been on POF for a few day, your bound to get all sort of incoming messages.

If you view the situation, from the same perspective, as you would, if you were meeting these people in real life - that should get you started - as it relates to the distance, differences, or the no spark things - you mentioned. If someone came up to you at a venue and showed and interest in you, and you did not feel the same - based on your posts here, I can not imagine you would not be gentleman in letting them know.

It becomes a bit more dicey when you have someone who doesn't get your message, or you are transitioning, from on-line, to actually meeting - always - follow your gut instinct - if something does not feel right- on any level, trust yourself - no matter how alluring things may look.

Hope this helps as a start; good luck.

[Aeneas]

eh.

i usually just ignore the messages from people whom i find "incompatible" or not attracted too. most of these are the standard "hello", or "hi, whats up?", bla bla.


unless they write a compliment such as "you are really cute!" or what not to which i reply with a thank you and leave it at that.

[dfiant]

The internet doesn't speed up the real life experience of dating. The old phrase 'You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince' still applies.

Just be polite and honest in your replies.

Oh and actually be a REAL man, reply to guys that you aren't even interested in. Everyone that takes the time to send you a message deserves at least a 'Thank but no thanks' from you.

To ignore messages will only make you look like a rude pig

[Aeneas]

To ignore messages will only make you look like a rude pig

only on the eyes who has sent you the message; whom you don't ever intend to meet.


it could be worse - such as looking like a rude pig on a forum site you visit often i suppose.

[dfiant]

it could be worse - such as looking like a rude pig on a forum site you visit often i suppose.

Let me know how that feels will ya

over and out petal

[LateBloomer]

The internet doesn't speed up the real life experience of dating. The old phrase 'You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince' still applies.

Just be polite and honest in your replies.

Oh and actually be a REAL man, reply to guys that you aren't even interested in. Everyone that takes the time to send you a message deserves at least a 'Thank but no thanks' from you.

To ignore messages will only make you look like a rude pig

I agree it shows good composure to make a nice reply to someone you're not interested in.

Part of my profile on Match.com stated that I may not respond to a "wink" or flirt or whatever they were called, but I will respond to EVERY email that someone took the time to write. That meant more to me, rather than clicking on a wink.

I think it's about breaking the ice and showing some confidence and mutual respect.

[trywait]

yes. if someone took the time to write to me and i wasnt interested, common courtesy would require a simple "thanks, but no thanks" reply

dont be a turd

[Bowyn Aerrow]

What is it you are looking for? Just a lover with no desire for 'just friends'?

Or are you open to meeting new people to build potential friendships as well as potential mates?

As for distance, some guys may be willing to relocate. You may not, but they may thus the 4 hour drive or whatever may not be that big of a deal in the long run.

BTW, dogs and cats can get along and even come to love each other. I have had a mixed household and the cats have come to tolerate the dogs and eventually it was finding cats and dogs laying against each other on the couch.

Dogs and litter boxes don't mix well though ... Cats appear to produce a lot of dog treats....

Drinker/non-drinker - just because he doesn't touch a drop doesn't mean he will forbid you your wine/beer - he just won't drink.

Also, you can never really know about the chemistry thing based on pixels (images) and text... Humans evolved to have a full sensory exchange (touch, sight, smell, etc) to base chemistry on. For millions of years our species relied on face to face meetings, thus have a highly adapted communication system that includes tone of voice, body language, minute changes in facial expression - things that are definitely not conveyed via text.

Also: A lot of guys who read as idiots in text can be most intelligent and incredible in person, a lot of guys who come off as educated in text can be jack-asses and idiots in person. There are other things that are not conveyed via text that would be present in person/face to face.

Try to keep your list of 'absolutely nots' to a minimum. Like the dog and cats thing... Or the distance thing - I would hate for you to pass over a very nice fellow that could have been the relationship for the rest of your life because he lives 4.5 hours away and he was completely ready to relocate for Mr. Right (you).

You may not find a lover in these guys, but you may make a good solid friend.